Learn to recognize the signs of one way love
psychology of unrequited love ...
And the psychology of love obsession, too
Have a pattern of unreturned love? Break free!
Most people have experienced unrequited
love at some point in their lives those strong feelings
that you feel for someone ... you want them, you need them,
you cannot live without them ... but unfortunately, they do
not feel the same way.
You've probably tried that too,
right? Unreturned love.
Whether it is a high school
crush, admiration for a co-worker, or new feelings for a close
friend, unrequited love often dies because most of us realize
that we will likely not get the results we want, so we move
on. Only, sometimes we don't. Or, we have a hard time moving
There are times when unrequited
love can really affect
your perception of the world and yourself and thus your
self-esteem and your entire life experience.
love can be consuming, crippling, and actually hinder your
ability to live your life. Realizing that your feelings are
not reciprocated can be hurtful, frustrating, or may even make
Well, it may be hard, but you can overcome,
and you will reach a point where you look back with much
greater understanding and revelation. This self improvement
article aims to help you with that.
Natural Resistance to Change in Your One Way Love Life
You may not yet be in an emotional place where you want help or
change or personal development in the area of your one way love. You
might still be holding on in hope of reciprocation. If so, you can
read this article as mere science fiction. But it's a useful kind of
fiction, because when you do decide you want to move on, you will be
better equipped to do so.
There are a few things you must
recognize and understand to successfully walk through the situation
and prepare yourself to meet someone who will share your heart and
return your love.
It is times like those you must remember
that you are the creator of your own experiences you can choose to
let unrequited one way love 'destroy' you or you can make the
decision to use the situation as an opportunity for growth and self
It sounds good doesn't it? Very nice and mature
But, if you are a 'victim' of unrequited
are probably thinking that the only way you will be satisfied is if
the target of your affection suddenly realizes that you are the
person of their dreams. Right?
But lighten up. Remember that
you're not alone. Even the great philosopher, Charlie Brown, once
said, "Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like
Okay. Unrequited love is just no fun and
all that stuff about personal development and self growth probably
sounds like so much baloney. But hey, if that's you, and you're
still reading this, well, maybe you're about ready to move on - if
only someone can tell you what you need to do that.
work on it.
What This Self Improvement Article Will Help You With
There are a few
things to become aware of and realize, so let's take it from the beginning with
the signs, move through to middle where you understand what's going on and end
up at the point where you actually improve your life experience in practice.
Let's do it in these 3 steps:
Recognize the symptoms or signs of
unrequited love / one way love
Understand the reasons for unrequited love /
one way love
- which is what this self improvement article is all about.
I have described the third step in a 'sister article' (part 2 so to speak) here:
Learn how to
deal with or recover from unrequited love / one way love
What Are the Symptoms / Signs of One Way Love?
simplest way to find out if your love is one way love: Ask the other
person. Yep, that's right. Simply ask. Then you will know.
course you may very well be afraid to ask, so let's look at making a
layman's 'diagnosis' of your particular 'condition'. Maybe you will
recognize the signs of unrequited one way love.
unrequited one way love comes in different degrees, of course, from
the temporary infatuation to the deeply felt, all consuming one way
love-me-or-I'll-die unbridled passion (love obsession).
way unrequited love just like falling in love, really, except it's
not reciprocated. And as you may well be aware, falling in love can
pretty much make you a peculiar brand of crazy.
So, in its
more powerful aspects unrequited one way love (love obsession) will
often cause temporary personality changes, affect the decisions you
make, and have an impact on your emotional well being, your
relationships and your social life in general.
Here are some
important signs of unrequited one way love in the border land of
Signs of One Way Love in the Border Land of Unrequited Love
Obsession - no. 1:
Distraction and Fantasies
have fantasies about the person who is the object of your
affection. Maybe you even have obsessive thoughts. You dream
of them and your life together, and find it hard to
concentrate on other things than that person. It may even be
to the point of it hindering your ability to do your job, or
complete your daily tasks.
In fact, your fantasy life may
actually become more powerful and spiritual than your 'real
life', causing you to sometimes confuse your daydreams with
In other words, your one way love makes
you loose touch with reality. Signs of One Way
Love in the Border Land of Unrequited Love Obsession - no. 2:
Idealization of the Other Person
can cause you to romanticize or idealize a person's positive
qualities to the extent that they become virtually flawless in
your mind. You refuse to acknowledge their faults and exalt
them so highly that you begin to believe no one else could
ever compare. This person seems to you the ideal lover and you
close your mind to other possibilities.
In other words,
your one way love makes you go blind to reality.
Signs of One Way Love in the Border Land of Unrequited
Love Obsession - no. 3:
You Suffer from Mood fluctuations
You become like an emotional pendulum, swinging back
and forth between joy and discouragement, depending on the
responses you receive from the object of your desire.
will experience periods of happiness, or even euphoria, at any
indication of reciprocation. Even a neutral behavior such as a
simple smile or casual greeting will be cause for elation.
Unfortunately, you will quickly swing to the opposite
extreme at any signs of disinterest or rejection. If they
neglect to acknowledge your greeting or respond to your
presence, you will fall into despair, even depressions or
In other words, your one way love has
completely made you lose your emotional balance - and on top
of that you have given away your innate power to control that
balance, and on top of THAT the person you have given the
power to doesn't want it and may not even know he or she has
it. Signs of One Way Love in the Border Land
of Unrequited Love Obsession - no. 4:
Although there are times when a
perseverent attitude is beneficial, it becomes a problem when
you refuse to take 'no' for an answer and will not accept the
other person's decisions. You cannot control the feelings of
another and you most certainly cannot make or force someone to
You will know this is a problem if you keep
telling yourself that the object of your affection will surely
change their mind if they just get to know you better, or if
they would just give you one more chance to show how special a
relationship with you could be. You might even go so far as to
plan your day so you can run into this person 'by chance' or
orchestrate 'coincidental' meetings.
In other words,
your previously mentioned blindness to reality has taken over
your actions, too. Signs of One Way Love in
the Border Land of Unrequited Love Obsession - no. 5:
Relationships Suffer, Deteriorate or Are Destroyed
Unrequited love can become so consuming that you begin to
believe that the object of your desire is the only person of
any value. Other relationships in your life become pointless
and useless. Not only will you neglect other friendships, but
you may also become withdrawn, preferring to escape to your
fantasies rather than interact with people in your reality.
In other words, your one way love has - to some degree -
become socially destructive, or at least made you socially
self-destructive. Signs of One Way Love in the
Border Land of Unrequited Love Obsession - no. 6:
Suffer from Physical Symptoms: Physical Deterioration or
Not only can unrequited love rob
you of your joy and make you feel hopeless, it can also result
in many physical issues such as insomnia, listlessness,
irritability, rashes, malnutrition and nausea. You may also
experience frustration, anger, anxiety, depression, feelings
of shyness, or fear of rejection. Some folks tend to
trivialize the importance of mind and emotions over body,
calling it 'merely psychosomatic' but really, this is
extremely powerful stuff. All of these symptoms, and perhaps
more like the, have a huge impact on your quality of life and
prevent you from moving forward and becoming all you are meant
to be - as well as being detrimental to your physical body.
In other words, your one way love has - to some degree - made
you physically self destruct.
Why Does One Way Love Happen?
Broken down to its
basic components the core issues you have when you feel one
way love or unrequited one way love are these:
searching for something outside of yourself to complete your
sense of self.
In other words, you do not feel whole
and then you mistakenly look outside of yourself for someone
to make you whole. (Since you are already whole, but only
think you're not, this does not work).
subconsciously choose to focus on someone whom you
subconsciously know will not reciprocate your feelings, thus
placing yourself in a situation where you get to be a
'helpless victim' and stay in your feeling of not being whole.
In other words, you don't feel your innate wholeness and
you subconsciously want to keep on not feeling it. (This is
based on misunderstandings which we will explore next).
There. That's it. Now you know what is REALLY going on.
Next, let's look at some typical patterns.
Do You Have a Pattern of One Way Love?
mentioned, most of us have experienced unrequited love to some
degree, but sometimes it can become a pattern that indicates a much
bigger or more basic issue.
Have you ever asked yourself,
- "Why am I always attracted to 'unavailable' people?"-
"Why do I find myself a 'victim' of one way love over and over
again?" - "What is stopping me from engaging in a balanced, healthy,
If you have asked these questions,
or others like them, then maybe it is time for some self-exploration
so you can change your perceptions and actions. Healthier
possibilities are waiting for you just around the corner.
Unreciprocated relationships can occur for a number of reasons. Of
course, it is possible that the other person simply does not share
your feelings and there really isn't any deep reason or explanation.
These things just happen. But, if you find that you have become
obsessed to the point of dysfunction or that unrequited love is a
recurring pattern in your life, you may want to look at this list
and consider the possibility of its relevance to your life.
Seven Possible Reasons Why Unrequited One Way Love Happens
Reasons for Unrequited One Way Love - no. 1:
Attracted to Reminders of Your Very First Love
experts claim that your very first love sets the foundation
for future relationships. If that first love was a parent who
was unable to meet your emotional or physical needs, or was
absent and disconnected, then you will continue to be
attracted to unavailable people, even in adulthood. Having
experienced unavailable parents may lead to a pattern of
pursuing unavailable lovers.
Unrequited One Way Love - no. 2:
You Have Experienced an
Unmet or Twisted Love Need
You may have been raised
in a home where your parents did not give you the love and
affection you needed, or gave it conditionally based on
behavior or performance. As a result, you may still be
unconsciously trying to win this love by attempting to find
success in similar 'unavailable' relationships. Until you
'prove' you can earn love in this type of relationship, you do
not feel like you can move on to one that is mutually giving.
Reasons for Unrequited One Way Love - no. 3:
The "Hollywood Factor": Romance and Idealization
This is sometimes referred to as the "Hollywood factor" in
that you have created the perfect person of your dreams and
believe that you are saving all your love for this fantasy.
However, since this 'perfect person' does not exist, you
project this ideal onto the object of your affection and see
them as who you want them to be. In this way, an unrequited
relationship is safer and easier because getting to know
someone for who they really are may shatter your fantasy and
destroy your dreams.
Reasons for Unrequited One
Way Love - no. 4:
You Suffer from Low Self Esteem / a Lack
of Self Worth
Maybe, deep down within yourself, you
do not believe that you are worthy of love. This may be an
attitude that was instilled in you in childhood or the result
of a previously damaging relationship. Because of this low
self-worth, you find yourself attracted to people whom you
know are not likely to return your feelings. Since you believe
that you don't deserve their love anyway, this is
disappointing and discouraging, but not surprising. You feel
trapped in a cycle of constantly pursuing relationships that
resemble the unfulfilling one you had with your parents or
other significant people in your life.
Unrequited One Way Love - no. 5:
You Harbor Fear of
Commitment and Intimacy
You may have commitment or
attachment issues associated with your childhood or previous
relationships, and by choosing someone who is unavailable or
who will not likely return your love, you are ensuring that
you will not have to face this fear. Relationships from afar
are a great avoidance technique.
Unrequited One Way Love - no. 6:
You Have Had Traumatic
It is possible that you keep returning
to unreciprocated love relationships due to an experience that
had a negative effect on your self-esteem or made you feel
hesitant and unsafe receiving love. These situations could
vary depending on the person but would include such things as
a death, betrayal, or an abusive relationship.
Reasons for Unrequited One Way Love - no. 7:
Up in the Thrill of the Chase
Do you enjoy the
excitement of pursuing something you cannot have? For some
people, this is the incentive, and once they achieve their
goal, they no longer want what they were pursuing.In this
case, you will consistently be attracted to the prospect of
unrequited love and lose interest when, or if, this love is
ever returned. This is also a defense mechanism and may be an
indication that you have a fear of commitment or intimacy.
Did any of those seven basic, underlying reasons seem to be
true - or partly true - in your case? If so, then you are
already on the path of healing, for the mere awareness of your
problem and the underlying causes for it is liberating.
Did any of those seven basic, underlying reasons seem to
be true - or partly true - in your case? If so, then you are
already on the path of healing, for the mere awareness of your
problem and the underlying causes for it is liberating.
Okay. So much for all that.
Next, you'll probably
want to know what to actually DO to overcome your undesirable
tendency to engage in unrequited love , right? Well, that's where
my second article on unrequited love comes in:
The Personal Development Guy's Self Improvement Ezine (FREE)
Would you like to keep in touch - and get high-level tips and special bonuses? Then please sign up for my self improvement newsletter The Personal Development Guy's Self Improvement Ezine. It is totally FREE.
I LOVE Your Support
If you've found the free personal development content on this website useful, please click the Donate button. Your donation will help me to keep producing free, high-level self improvement information. I am VERY GRATEFUL for your support!
PayPal is one of the largest payment processors on the Internet. When you click the Donation Button, you can make a donation of your choice on an encrypted and secure page.
Thank you very much!
Inspirational Quotes, Poems and Funny Short Stuff
If you want, you can also get your personal development, spirituality and general wisdom in an ultra light version - or even add your own wisdom to the site. Just go to the other sister of this website at:
- World's Best and YOUR Best Quotes, Poems and Short Funny Stuff
Quotescoop.com is also known as:
This is where you might go for a quick 'fix' of wisdom and humor.
A special treat is that this site has forums for you to present your own wisdom and humor in the form of inspirational short funny quotes, jokes, notes, letters, stories, SMS text messages and poems. Share your wisdom and witticisms with the world!
High-Level Positive Parenting Advice and Deep Insights
Positive Parenting Ally is the parenting equivalent of the Personal Development Guy. This is where you go if you want really deepen your understanding of parenting, empower your kids and make everyday life more easy and joyful.
- Parenting advice for the conscious, open-minded parent!
Back to the top of this page about
One Way Love - the Signs and Psychology of Unrequited Love
Where Would You Like to Go Next?
To see what has been added to this site recently (plus
offers, etc.), check out Blog
& News at thePersonalDevelopmentGuy.com
To share your own short
improvement ideas, tips, musings, quotes, stories,
spiritual jokes, etc. (and read the short ideas, etc.
others have shared) jump to Shared
Blog: Self Improvement Ideas
List of all the subpages to the main page
, I Need Your Love
Every Day Love
Relationship Break Up Advice
Getting over a Relationship
Love Heart Drawings
, Drawings of Hearts
Valentine Heart Clipart
Imagenes de Amor
Best Love Sayings
Cute Love Sayings
Sweet Love Sayings
Short Love Sayings
Funny Love Sayings
Sad Love Sayings
One Way Love
Jump to the
Personal Development Guy Homepage