In your love relationship, your couple love:
Why settle for what's
'normal' (i.e. compromises)?
Instead go for the best (unconditional love)!
Yes, it IS possible, and it feels sooo great!
Couple Love: Are You
Ready for the Next Level?
There are many types of love and many ways to build
a love relationship. Most couples have what one might term 'a normal love
relationship'. Obviously ... since the definition of 'normal' is 'what most
people do'. But the fact that it's common doesn't necessarily mean that it's the
best option. There might be better, more satisfying options available. For those
who are ready for it.
The common love relationship (in the Western world)
is one based on equality and compromise. You, however, might just be ready for
something more. We'll get back to that in a moment.
Couple Love Relationship
Yes, there are love relationships based on lots of
other things than equality and compromise. There are relationships based on
abuse, on addiction, on sadism/masochism, on the old fashioned roles of males
and females (think USA or Europe in the 1950s), or on a host of other things.
The general norm in the West, however, seems to be that people base their
relationships on equality of the sexes (and 'equality of people' in same sex
relationships) - plus compromise. Nothing wrong with equality, but when it comes
to love compromise is a problem.
By compromise I mean 'tit for tat': You
give me something and in return I give you something. Like this:
climbing, paragliding and beer with your buddies every Friday important to you?
Then you're gonna have to accept that I want three cats plus I want the bathroom
cleaned twice a week.'
You know - compromises like that. Those examples
seem fairly innocent (but are they?); however less innocent compromises abound,
'You want more sex than I do. I want more new clothes and
shoes than you do. Let's figure something out.'
Love Work ... Or?
When I give a speech about all these things, 90 percent of
the people listening say, 'Yeah, so what? We're making it work, aren't we?'
Yes, you are making it work. Sort of. But are you happy together, really
happy? Do you feel a love so great that it seems like your heart is bursting
with love - on a regular basis even thought you've known your partner for
No? Small wonder.
Because, you see, compromises are
actually poison to couple love. Compromises change something that should have
been based on love into something based on trade (tit for tat). Trade isn't
love, it's trade. Practical, yes, maybe even fair, but not very loving.
AND there is a viable alternative.
Couple Love for Conscious
The Mature Love Relationship, Based on Unconditional Love
mature love relationship is based on unconditional love. Its nature can be
described said very quickly and easily. In fact it can be said in two words:
That all there is to say about it.
If you were to
say it in a few more words, you might say, for instance:
experienced as simple and easy.
There is no lack of love.
no demands on the other person.
You do not expect anything of the other
You do not limit each other.
You do not compromise.
You do not have to get your needs met by the other person.
unconditionally open without limits about absolutely everything.
are unconditionally honest without limits about absolutely everything.
You are totally free to be, feel, say, and do as you want.
purpose in being with the other person is to experience, express and live out
Just love in itself makes you feel the greatest satisfaction and
in addition to that there are all the other things that you may share (sex,
children, interests, etc.). Everything becomes simple, easy, and satisfactory.
Unconditional Couple Love: Is it Even Possible?
asked me if that sort of couple love, that sort of love relationship, even
exits. The answer is yes. It does exit.
To a great extent I experience
this myself, and I know other people whose relationship is like that in
varying degrees. It is not very common. Not yet. But hopefully it soon will be.
Personally, I still run into challenges, off and on, regarding these things.
Invariably they occur in areas where my ego is still dominant.
as I keep working at my personal development, those areas become fewer every
year. So most of the time I experience my present love relationship as being
based on love that is completely unconditional. But still, couple love based on
unconditional love is an educational process for me.
I have no real way
of knowing if my love partner feels the same kind of love that I do, and in
truth it doesn't matter. The important thing for me and my experience of love is
that I myself feel that kind of love. Perhaps that is an important point to
It Takes Two to Tango ...
But Only One to Love
To make an experience of a couple love based on unconditional
love (or with as few conditions as you can handle) all it takes is one person.
You. What kind of love your partner feels isn't important!
The point of
that is this: Your experience of love takes place inside you. When you
experience love, you're experiencing your OWN feeling of love. YOU are the
source of that great feeling!
But isn't it important that your partner
loves you back? Well, yes, but only because chances are that without love
there'll be no relationship. So, conversely, if there IS a relationship, chances
are that there is love. Chances are also, however, that the love isn't without
conditions. No matter!
Your experience is what matters to you, and that
comes from your own feeling of love. If that feeling is unconditional (or as
close as you can get to that), it will feel great! Much better than if your love
The absolutely wonderful thing is that when you begin
your quest towards unconditional couple love, your partner will feel safe and
inspired. And so the lack of conditions on your couple love becomes contagious.
Case in Point: Me, the Personal Development Guy
For me the
way to progress in unconditional couple love has been based on a few things
especially: Raising my consciousness, opening up, accepting and letting go.
Understanding how things are connected (=raising my consciousness
) has made
everything much easier. Raising your consciousness takes dedication/will power.
to everything that I contain (including some very repressed
feelings) and everything my partner contains, too, has been of incredible
importance: No openness = No results. Opening up takes courage/trust, too.
other people is a choice, nothing more. It's a choice I made back
in the Danish equivalent of high school. I decided that I am human, other people
are human, and whatever is human must be natural and acceptable. After that it
Probably that's why people started coming to me to talk about
their problems and challenges. That started shortly after high school.
Apparently these people, some of whom I hardly knew, felt my acceptance.
Later I became a coach/counsellor and teacher, pretty much because it was what I
did anyway. The only difference is that now I get paid for it. :-)
hardest thing for me, it turned out, was accepting certain parts of myself - the
suppressed parts. The parts I thought were negative; the parts that I didn't
want to be there - unpleasant emotions among them. They were there, of course,
and learning to live with that fact - and accept those parts - was a real
In the course of my personal development it has been a
fantastic help to have a method for letting go
of everything that limits me and
causes discomfort/pain (the Let Go Method).
I must add that I have been
(and am) almost completely uncompromising in this respect.
encounter something in my love relationship which is unpleasant or painful, I
consistently use the two tools of raising my consciousness and letting go. I
start immediately and I go on until the problem is solved.
encourage my partner to do the same thing, but that is entirely up to my
Unconditional Couple Love = No Compromises
nature unconditional love is like that, too: Uncompromising. Both ways, so to
The moment you decide that this is the sort of love you want to
experience, nothing else is good enough. It is simply the best, and you want it
The same thing is true the other way around: Unconditional love
wants you to let go of ALL the parts of your limited personality that have
something to do with love (and that is most of them). Nothing less will do!
Ultimately unconditional love will 'cost' you a lot of your small and
limited identity [LINK], but is exactly what is needed for you to live an
infinitely larger, more radiant, more real, and much more satisfactory version
of yourself. And I tell you: It just feels so much better!
Ingredients for an Unconditional Love Relationship
How, then, do you create
couple love - a love relationship - based on unconditional love?
Undoubtedly there are many different ways, but, among other things, they have
this in common:
Love - the important thing is loving, not being loved
... choose to love unconditionally
Consciousness - learn to understand
life, love, yourself and your partner
Honesty - choose to be
unconditionally honest in your love life ... be completely authentically you
Openness - practise being open and receptive no matter what happens
Trust - practice NOT defending yourself ... instead put your energy into
daring to trust
Being responsible for yourself - take responsibility
for meeting your own needs
Courage all the above things take courage
... practice daring to choose them
The more you fill yourself and your
love relationship with these things, the sooner you will move towards
unconditional couple love - a mature love relationship.
Special Report Coming Up
I'm pretty sure that in time I'll write a book or at
least a special report on the above mentioned ingredients and unconditional
couple love in general. But that'll have to wait a bit.
meantime you might also look at the one step regarding couple love that will
prove the most useful to most people: Learning to separate needs from love. You
can read about that on the page I Need Your Love.
Good luck! :-)
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Couple Love: The Mature Love Relationship
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