How to Be Happy Without Trying - How to Find Happiness (Authentic Happiness)

• See what we all REALLY want (no, it's NOT a Porche)!

• Learn how to be happy, how to find happiness.
• Yes, it's really possible!

• Realize how your needs and authentic happiness AREN'T related.
• Read: a definition of happiness, book lists, web-links, etc.
• Inner peace, love & happiness: Get info, tips, techniques, etc.
• And find several (upcoming) collections of good happiness quotes.

What Do You REALLY Want?

Do you know what you want in life? I mean REALLY want?

I once had a teacher (of scuba diving, no less) who had created his own successful business. You know what he said? He said: "Most people would not know what they wanted if it up and bit them on the leg."

Is this true for you?

If so, then I have good news. You see, I do believe that I know what you want; REALLY want, that is. I also know how you can get it.

Interested? I thought so.

What You REALLY Want Is More
than just Your Needs Fulfilled

I have worked as a coach and guide in consciousness for many years now, and this has given me the opportunity to find out both what people think they want, and what they really, REALLY want.

Now, you may tell me that you want to survive, be safe, be free, be recognized, to give and receive, to develop yourself and to connect with your soul/life itself, and I would have to agree, for those things are the basic human needs, and you do want them fulfilled.

But I would also have to tell you that there is something over and above that which you want. Which is in fact what you REALLY want.

The answer is happiness. You want to know how to be happy, how to find happiness.

Another, more prosaic way to put that is: You want a very pleasant feeling inside, or:

You want a very pleasant experience of life, one which you might also call:

An experience of REALLY, truly living.

Or, your might call it ...

Peace, Love, Happiness

Yes, those are the big three, aren't they? They are also a different way of stating what you (and I and everybody else) really want. Read more about the big three on the page Peace, Love, Happiness.

Happiness and Feeling Truly Alive

Truly living is not just surviving. Does surviving make you happy? No, it is just something you need fulfilled. When it is fulfilled you are not happy per se, rather, you take it for granted.

The same goes for being safe, being free, being recognized, giving and receiving, personal development and your connection with life. You NEED them, but they do not make you feel that you are truly alive; they do not REALLY satisfy you in and of themselves.

To be REALLY satisfied you need something over and above your basic needs. You need a very pleasant experience of life ... you need to feel 100 percent alive and happy.
You do not need me to tell you this, you already know it. If do not know it consciously, then you know it deep inside, in your heart of hearts. It's what drives you to constantly wonder how to be happy, how to find happiness.
So, now you know that how to be happy has nothing to do with needs.

Your Big Mistake Regarding How to Be Happy

But if you are like most people, then what are you doing?
You are trying to find happiness by getting your needs fulfilled! You are busy thinking things like:

'If I just had a lot of money, I could buy almost anything, and then I would not only survive, but I would feel safe, free, recognized, and so on, and then I would be HAPPY!'

Sorry, but that is a no go. A waste of time!

Life just does not work that way. So, then, how does it work?
It is very, very simple. So simple, that you may hate it when I tell you how. But first, let us look at some bids about what happiness is and what to do to feel completely alive and happy.

Philosophy: Happiness

Many of the great philosophers (all the way back to Aristotle, and probably long before that, too) have pondered on how to be happy, how to find happiness, indeed they have grappled with the concept of authentic happiness itself.
Is happiness 'the good life', is it 'joy' or is it a state of 'rapture'? Is it a permanent long-term condition or a fleeting short term one? How does it relate to satisfaction - and to spiritual enlightenment? If these things interest you, you can get some practical pointers on the page: Philosophy: Happiness.

Definition of Happiness

Yeah, both the dictionary and I have got a definition of the word happiness that you can read.

Wise Modern Teachers Tell You How to Be Happy

It stands to reason that the most relevant place to look for explanations of how to find happiness is with the people who actually experience happiness on a relatively permanent daily basis.
Here are a handful of contemporary teachers who all have experience, opinions and practical advice on how to find happiness, how to be happy and thus, how to feel fully alive:

Eckhart Tolle: Be totally present here and now.

Byron Katie: Examine all your thoughts and let them go.

Neale Donald Walsch: God (or: life) is not judgemental, but rather unconditionally loving, and you and God (life) are one and the same, which is why you can safely let go and let God (life).

Arjuna Ardagh and Gangaji: Stop judging yourself and others. Relax your ego and experience being your true self.

Countless other teachers have countless other (and similar) bids on how to be happy. If you like, you can read a bit more and get links to these teachers' websites. That page also contains my recommendations on which of their books to read.

Happiness Research: Books on Happiness and How to Be Happy

Apart from the books by teachers (such as the above mentioned) a large number of books that are specifically focused on how to be happy and how to find happiness have been published, some of them actually based on happiness research.
In my opinion not all of them are equally worth reading, though. Read my list of recommendations (and the opposite) here: Happiness Research: Books on Happiness and How to Be Happy.

Ancient and Modern Techniques for Happiness

Meditation, yoga and tantra (including tantric sex) are ancient techniques which were designed for health and the ultimate purpose of making you feel totally alive and happy. And they do work; they are good solutions on how to be happy, how to find happiness, even if they usually take a long time (years).
Holotropic Breathworkby Stanislav Grof, The Journeyby Brandon Bays and  The Let Go Method by myself (Soren Lauritzen) are modern methods designed for both healing and the purpose of making you feel totally alive and happy. They also work.
And yet ... Do most people feel totally alive and happy? No.
Do you feel totally alive and happy? Do you know how to be happy? Probably not, or you would not be reading this.
So, then, what to do?

What to Do

Well, you can use any of the above mentioned teachings, techniques and methods, of course. In fact, that is a great idea. But you can also just read on, and then I will tell you my version of what to do, how to be happy.

However, like I said, you are probably not going to like it, because it is so simple:

All you have to do is be yourself. Be totally disarmed and authentic.

That is it. That is all there is to it. That's how to be happy.
See, I told you that you would not like it. In all likelihood you are NOT satisfied with this answer.

What's Keeping You Away from Happiness

'But I am already myself', you may tell me. And then I would have to answer yes, you are, but you are not totally disarmed and totally authentic.

Instead, you are guarded, defensive and socially adapted, trying to appear to be something or someone particular (maintaining an internal and external image).

I can tell you here and now that:

Your defenses and
your attempt to appear as someone particular
(the internal and external image you maintain)
are the exact things that are keeping you from
feeling totally alive and happy.

There is no doubt about it.

But let me repeat the point, here. To experience being 100 percent alive and happy you have to be authentically yourself WITHOUT any defense mechanisms, including your internal and your external image.

Luckily, at ANY TIME you will IMMEDIATELY experience aliveness and happiness the very second you completely let go of your defense mechanisms.

Who You Really Are

The point here is that the aliveness and happiness IS WHO YOU REALLY ARE, which is what you will experience without your defense mechanisms. You can do this at any time, for as long as you like, as often as you like!

    how to be happy

Your defense mechanisms are based in fear, obviously. That is the nature of defense mechanisms. Therefore basing your life on defense mechanisms will give you a fear based experience. Fear is unpleasant, thus you will get an unpleasant life experience. It is as simple as that.

Let the defense mechanisms go, and you revert to your basic nature, who and what you really are: Totally alive, loving and happy.

So, what you can take with you from this text on how to be happy is this:

To experience being totally alive and happy all you have to do is STOP defending yourself.

How You Try to Defend Yourself

Do I have to explain to you the countless ways in which you defend yourself? Probably not, you already know this:

You try to be a nice person. You try to be responsible, or mature, or spiritually developed. You try to be like other people ... or not be like other people. You try to be perfect, or helpful, or successful, or special, or knowledgeable, or foresightfully prepared, or entertaining, or in control, or calm, or something else.

You try to live up to the expectations of other people, and perhaps most of all you try to live up to your own expectations.

You don't want to be a 'bad' person. You don't want to be irresponsible, immature, or too different from others, or much like others, etc., etc.

You try so hard. All this trying is based in fear. You try to avoid unpleasantness in any way you can. Maybe you even try to feel alive and be happy. But is it working? Honestly, is it working? No.

Trying Keeps You from Having

You have tried for years and years, and if you do not change something, you are going to keep trying till you physically die. But most likely you are only going to get your feeling of aliveness and happiness briefly and by accident.

You believe you need to BE something and DO something to get aliveness and happiness, and you believe that you need to DEFEND yourself and your choices, when in fact it is just the other way around:

Your belief, your defense mechanisms and all your trying are the primary things keeping you away from the experience you want!

So, how to be happy?

You have to DROP your belief. You have to STOP trying. You have to STOP defending yourself. You have to just LET GO and EXIST just as you already are and always have been, deep down.

And, like I said: You can do this any time, for any length of time, as often as you like. Please, do read about Letting Go and the Let Go Method on this website, and even better, you might want to read the book about Letting Go:
Finding Inner Peace by Letting Go - 10 Steps to Happiness, Freedom, Love & More Using the Let Go Method (Ebook for Download)

Happiness Quotes

A good quote can say so much in so little space. I am currently hand picking three collections of happiness quotes for you. Relatively soon they will be presented on pages called Happiness Quotes [LINK], and More Quotes on Happiness [LINK] and Even More Quotes about Happiness [LINK].

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