• Getting over a relationship and surviving a breakup can be tough.
getting over a break up and getting over your ex IS doable!
relationship break up advice to deal with the break up pain.
• Plus 7
additional break up tips on how to survive a breakup
Letting Go of the Ex:
Real Strategies for Getting Over a
Getting over a relationship that consumed a
large part of your life can be hard. In fact, it can be one of the
most difficult parts of life.
If you and your ex were
close and together for some time, maybe even a long time, you may
physically remove yourself from the relationship and start
functioning in an independent manner, but emotionally letting go of
the ex is another issue altogether.
Unfortunately, you will have
a hard time moving forward with your life and completely opening
yourself to a new relationship until you have mastered the process
of letting go of the ex. You could say your future life depends on
your ability to let go.
The Split ... Between You
and Your Ex - and Inside You
The first step in getting over a
relationship is to accept the fact that it is over. Many people do
not really accept this even as they move out of a house / apartment
... or come home to an empty house / apartment ... day after day.
They still cling to the hope that the relationship is just on the
rocks and can be resurrected at some point. Don't let that be you!
Accepting the break up seems very easy - on the surface. But
many people sure struggle with it, so perhaps it isn't. If you
harbor hope, you have a problem. Getting over the ex requires you to
completely let go of any and all hopes that you will get your ex
back - ever - and move forward with a life view that no longer
includes that person in a romantic and sexual role.
often a spilt here, between your logical and mental capabilities and
your emotional ones. Your logic and intellect tell you with finality
that the relationship is over, but your emotions just cannot seem to
let go of the ex.
If you know for a fact that the break up is
final and there is no possible way to bring the relationship back
together, then emotionally letting go of the ex and moving on after
a breakup starts by just ACCEPTING the fact that your ex is no
Moving On After a Breakup: See the Ex
Often, when people offer advice for getting over a
relationship they will tell you NOT to see your ex for a goodly
period of time. In many cases this is sound advice, but there may be
cases where it is just not possible - or desirable.
particularly true if you have children together. Also, there may be
cases where surviving a breakup actually depends on you and your ex
seeing each other and working things out between you - not with the
purpose of getting back together, but with the purpose of getting
clear and letting each other go.
In all these cases (and in
fact in any other case as well), here is what both you and your ex
need to do so you both get moving on after a breakup ...
Dealing With a Break Up:
How to Heal the Internal and
the External Split
Emotional acceptance of a break up (and
thus getting over a break up) has a lot to do with perceived NEEDS.
This is important for surviving a breakup, so I will repeat that:
You (and your ex, too, for that matter, but it starts with you) will
benefit immensely from getting clear about your needs.
is one of the most important parts of getting over a relationship.
What you have to do is:
a) Figure out which needs you think
your ex was fulfilling for you
b) Realize that you
yourself can fulfill every single one of those perceived needs - you
do NOT NEED your ex to fulfill your needs
Realize and accept
these two things, and you will be ready to accept that the
relationship is over.
Once you accept the split and start the
work of getting over a break up, you will no longer think or act out
of desperation and hurt feelings. You no longer NEED to, you see.
So get working on a list - a list of which needs you feel your
ex was helping you get fulfilled.
Next, write down how YOU
yourself can see to it that each of those needs is fulfilled.
This is a prime piece of relationship breakup advice. Surviving
a breakup pretty much begins with that. It REALLY speeds up the
process of getting over a relationship.
Your Life After a Break Up
Once you have accepted the break
up you will behave differently than someone who has not accepted it.
Your outlook on life will simply be different, you will feel more
free and alive, and your ability to relate to your ex will be very
much improved. Obviously, this is particularly important if you have
Examples of effects: After realizing that
you do not depend on your ex to fulfill your needs, you will feel
little need to text your ex at all hours of the night to tell them
how you feel. Thinking or hearing about what your ex is doing may
still hurt, but it doesn't enrage you to the point you want to stalk
them or cause you to enter a dark pit of despair and depression.
Putting the Relationship to Bed Is a Process - and It
Emotionally letting go of the ex and getting over
a relationship is a process that has to run its course. Time, of
course, is a great healer. Know this and trust this! Things WILL get
better as time goes by.
While time goes by, though, there is
likely to be a lot of break up pain and sorrow to deal with. Even
when you have completely accepted that the relationship is over.
You will most likely have mixed emotions and there might be
quite a few hurdles to overcome as you gradually get a sense of
normalcy back in your life. The question is how you work through
these emotions so you can completely put the relationship to bed and
move on with your life. Here are seven additional break up tips for
getting over a relationship:
What Do You
One proven strategy for dealing with a break up
and letting go of the ex, which is closely related to the above
facts about perceived needs, is this:
Get honest with
yourself about what you really miss. Name your grief! And write it
When you do, you may realize that in many cases, it is
not the person that you miss the most but rather the things they did
for you and with you and the way that made you feel.
be grieving for the good times you spent together because you know
they will not occur again. Or, perhaps it is the family you built -
or the idea of being a family - that you are really grieving.
Once you acknowledge what it is that you are really missing, you
will start to see that you can have those things with someone else.
All is not lost and your life is not over. This realization makes
getting over a relationship much easier.
Do you really miss
being cuddled at night? Good news! You will one day be cuddled at
night, but it will be with someone else.
Do you really miss
coming home and smelling dinner in the oven, almost ready for you to
eat? Congratulations! This is something you could find someone else
to do for you quite easily.
What is it you really miss? Is it
the person or is it elements of the relationship? If it is elements
of the relationship, rest assured you will find those things again.
Getting over a relationship becomes much easier when you decide to
trust that all will be okay again.
Practice Letting Go
Letting go is actually a skill. You can
Consider reading the following page, buying the
ebook for download, and practicing the Let Go Method:
Peace by Letting Go
- 10 Steps to Happiness, Freedom, Love & More
Using the Let Go Method.
This particular ebook will teach you
how to use your unpleasant emotions as fuel in your movement towards
getting clear emotionally - and feeling some much, much more
pleasant emotions. This is also a prime piece of relationship break
Write, Journal! Use Your Diary
or Your Personal Development Journal
Writing is therapeutic.
It really is. So if you keep a diary, write in it. A lot! When you
are getting over a relationship, writing about it speeds up the
If you keep a personal development journal
write in that one. Write down all your thoughts, feelings, needs,
habits and beliefs. Note what they were, what they are today and
what you want them to be in the future. It's good for you!
you want to read more about the latter you can do that here:
Personal Development Journal.
Talk to a Good
and Patient Friend
This may seem self evident, because when
you break up with your lover, you will most likely REALLY WANT TO
TALK to someone. When you're getting over a relationship talking to
someone is a basic and good thing to do.
But don't just talk
to anyone and everyone all the time. Instead, here's a simple piece
of relationship break up advice:
Find someone who will
listen, just listen - without judging (neither you nor your ex) -
and without trying to 'fix it'.
If we dive into the world of
stereotypes for a moment, then women, in particular, seem to want to
judge your ex (or even you), while men, in particular, seem to want
to 'fix it' and once they realize you don't want 'fixing' they, too,
might judge you.
So, do yourself the favor of: a) finding a
friend or family member who is good at listening, and b) literally
telling this person that you do not want judgment or 'fixing', but
simply a quiet and sympathetic ear. For a long time. And then talk,
talk, talk. Talk until you're fed up with your own voice. :-)
Seek Professional Counsel
of getting over a relationship can be speeded up considerably by
enlisting some external, impartial and professional help. A good
relationships counselor, therapist or life coach can most likely
help you through the break up pain much faster than you could do it
on your own.
This may be particularly important if you and
your ex have been together for a long time and / or you have
children together (since the children might suffer if you don't get
clear about the break up).
- Start Doing Good Things (Things You Love) for Yourself
great way to get on top of the world again is doing nice things for
yourself - things that you really like.
Maybe it's taking up
a hobby or learning a new skill you have always wanted to try out.
Maybe it's going to wellness treatments. Maybe it's taking a
vacation away from it all. Or learning how to go on inner travels
(exploring consciousness). Or simply being in nature more.
Whatever it is you really like and enjoy - go do it.
serves at least two good purposes: It takes your mind of off getting
over your ex and it affirms to yourself that you are worthy of
positive attention. Because you ARE loveable, you know!
Smash the Timer
How long does getting over a
relationship take? How much time do you need dealing with a break
The annoying answer is: As long as it takes.
click click click of a timer will drive you nuts while trying to let
go of your relationship. It may have only taken your best friend two
weeks to hit the sack with someone new when he or she went through a
break up, but that doesn't mean it is going to be that fast for you.
In fact, that friend may have hit the sheets with someone new
long before they had actually gotten over their break up.
Many people do that, even if they act like they are completely over
it. It is so common, actually, that there is a name for it: rebound
relationship. That's when you get sexually involved (and perhaps
emotionally, too) in someone with the primary purpose of getting
over a relationship or getting over your ex.
For some this
works, for others not so much.
In any case a good piece of
relationship break up advice is to completely smash the timer to
pieces, so to speak, and give yourself room to grieve and move on
whenever YOU are ready.
You WILL get over your pain and start
letting go of the ex when it is right for you. But no one and
nothing can make it happen before you are ready, so please give
External links to awesome websites / really cool
websites with pages relevant to this self improvement article /
personal development page:
Close / sexual relationship described on wikipedia.org:
Intimate relationship -
the article has further links to e.g. friendships, dating
relationships, spiritual relationships, and marital relationships;
and the break up phase of such a relationship is described atwikipedia.org:
Intimate relationship break up, which seems to be more or less
copied from here (or vice versa) ... thefreedictionary.com:
A scientific approach to relationship breakup at encyclopedia.com:
Another, somewhat scientific approach to the break up process
A short somewhat helpful article describing the very first
interaction during a break up at wisegeek.com:
Let Someone Down Easy
A silly and humorous take on relationship break up at
Uncyclopedia - the content free encyclopedia: Uncyclopedia:
3 definitions of break up, one of them tasteless and funny
("Break up: The most probable outcome after your girlfriend finds
you playing hide the sausage with her sister" at urbandictionary.com:
The Personal Development Guy's Self Improvement Ezine (FREE)
Would you like to keep in touch - and get high-level tips and special bonuses? Then please sign up for my self improvement newsletter The Personal Development Guy's Self Improvement Ezine. It is totally FREE.
I LOVE Your Support
If you've found the free personal development content on this website useful, please click the Donate button. Your donation will help me to keep producing free, high-level self improvement information. I am VERY GRATEFUL for your support!
PayPal is one of the largest payment processors on the Internet. When you click the Donation Button, you can make a donation of your choice on an encrypted and secure page.
Thank you very much!
Inspirational Quotes, Poems and Funny Short Stuff
If you want, you can also get your personal development, spirituality and general wisdom in an ultra light version - or even add your own wisdom to the site. Just go to the other sister of this website at:
- World's Best and YOUR Best Quotes, Poems and Short Funny Stuff
Quotescoop.com is also known as:
This is where you might go for a quick 'fix' of wisdom and humor.
A special treat is that this site has forums for you to present your own wisdom and humor in the form of inspirational short funny quotes, jokes, notes, letters, stories, SMS text messages and poems. Share your wisdom and witticisms with the world!
High-Level Positive Parenting Advice and Deep Insights
Positive Parenting Ally is the parenting equivalent of the Personal Development Guy. This is where you go if you want really deepen your understanding of parenting, empower your kids and make everyday life more easy and joyful.
- Parenting advice for the conscious, open-minded parent!
Back to the top of this page about
Getting Over a Relationship - Relationship Break Up Advice
Where Would You Like to Go Next?
To see what has been added to this site recently (plus
offers, etc.), check out Blog
& News at personaldevelopmentguy.com
List of all the subpages to the main page
, I Need Your Love
Every Day Love
Relationship Break Up Advice
Getting over a Relationship
Love Heart Drawings
, Drawings of Hearts
Valentine Heart Clipart
Imagenes de Amor
Best Love Sayings
Cute Love Sayings
Sweet Love Sayings
Short Love Sayings
Funny Love Sayings
Sad Love Sayings
One Way Love
Jump to the
Personal Development Guy Homepage