• When your couple love becomes everyday love ...
• ... you may need
some marriage problem advice!
• In your marriage or love relationship what
do you do about ...
• ... all the potential problems with ...
living together, cleaning, cooking, bringing up children, etc.?
• Buckle up
for a fresh perspective on love and practical doings.
• Get insight and
practical love tips and how-to-do-its here.
Is Everyday Life Getting to
Have you and your spouse/partner/lover moved in together, so that you
now live under the same roof?
Have you and your spouse/partner/lover had
kids who are still living at home, so that there are lots of practical things to
Do you cooperate professionally with your spouse/partner/lover,
so that you are not only lovers but also colleagues?
Or do you and your
spouse/partner/lover have some other practical things you need to do together?
In other words:
Has your love become everyday love so that you now
feel the need for some marriage problem advice - whether you are married or not?
Surface Problems vs. Real Relationship Problems
surface there are all kinds of problems in marriage and other love
relationships. Pretty much anything can be perceived as a problem:
where to put the laundry, to doing the shopping, to keeping appointments, to how
to deal with the kids (and the in-laws), to what kind of sex to have and how
often, to jealousy, to ... you name it and it can be a problem.
website is dedicated to looking below the surface, though. What you get here
isn't run-of-the-mill information and advice, it is high level insight (and
practical self help). That goes for the marriage problem advice, too. So, then,
let's look below the surface!
Typical 'Marriage Problems' - Even
If You Aren't Married
Basically, the most common problems all involve letting
get the better of you. This causes fear to enter the relationship,
where it will block out love unless your partner remains very aware, present,
conscious and loving. If you both succumb to your fear based egos, you'll start
having problems and need to make lots of unsatisfying compromises. And that's
when you might need some marriage problem advice.
A very common problem,
perhaps the most common one, is
having expectations and getting your needs mixed
up with love.
Another common problem is
basing your marriage or love
relationship on conditional love instead of unconditional love.
of course, is couple love:
the mature love relationship.
And then there
is the 'everyday love problem' that this article is focussed on: Accidentally
getting practical doings mixed up with love.
When you're close, or even living or
working together, there are all sorts of challenges. Being close to another
person is challenging no matter what, and furthermore there are all kinds of
practical doings that need to be done.
Someone has to cook, clean,
entertain guests, keep the garden, deal with the kids, walk the dog, pay the
bills, etc. etc.
Here's the most important marriage problem advice
There is a difference between practical doings and love!
These two things are widely different.
Here is a reminder of the way
things actually are:
Love is love. Practical doings are practical doings.
The two things have nothing to do with each other.
Nothing good comes of
mixing them, either. And besides: They should be dealt with in completely
In other words: Learn to separate practical doings from
love – and make your life a whole lot easier. Mix practical doings with love –
and watch your problems start growing.
Love is love. It's a feeling, an energy, a
condition, a state of being. It's one of the primary characteristics of your
soul, of who you really are.
Since love is a state of being you can of
course 'perform tasks in it', meaning that you can take care of practical doings
while being in a state of love. Doing practical tasks may even be a way of
If you can create a situation where all the practical
doings in your marriage or love relationship are done from a condition of love
(doing things with a feeling of love because you love to do them), then you're
pretty much home free!
However, love has nothing to do with expectation,
compromise or 'tit for tat'. Tit for tat is trade - you do something for me, and
THEN I'll do something for you.
Most people see practical doings
(cooking, doing the dishes, mowing the lawn, etc.) as unpleasant work to be
avoided if possible. If you are like most people, then you do, too. Right?
Soooo ... the idea of tit for tat arises. Let's compromise. Let's trade.
absolutely nothing wrong with trade. We do it every day. It's highly useful. It
usually involves a certain amount of trust. Here's a great little piece of
marriage problem advice, though: Don't confuse trade with love.
were sharing your home with a total stranger in stead of your
spouse/partner/lover, then you would probably sit down with this stranger and
agree to some practical house rules. Rules that were acceptable to you both.
If you had to temporarily (say for a few weeks) look after the children of a
total stranger, you would probably do the same: Agree to some house rules.
And if you were to go into business with someone, you would probably start
by having a negotiation and then make a written contract which you would both
sign – whether you knew this person or not.
In these situations it is not
very difficult to know what the sensible thing to do is.
But if you mix
practical doings with your love relationship it suddenly becomes difficult and
confusing. Lots of things go unmentioned and are taken for granted – on both
sides – and very few things are openly discussed and agreed upon.
not have to be like that. Read on, for marriage problem advice on what to do.
What you need to do is consciously decide between a) love and b) trade
(compromise, tit for tat).
Love is love and that is it. Love IS.
Love has no expectations and no need for compromise. Love is abundance and love
gladly gives. Love does not demand anything of anybody. What is done in love is
done with joy and pleasure.
Trade, on the other hand, is based
on scarcity. Trade involves tit for tat and compromises. What you do because of
a trade you don't necessarily do with joy and pleasure. Consequently trade
requires practical agreements, or even contracts, no matter who you are doing
the trade with. You and your spouse/lover/partner need to choose between the
It's not an all or nothing proposition, though. You can look at each
major area of your marriage or life together and choose. You can opt for love in
some areas and trade in other areas. (And there is nothing wrong with doing
Marriage Problem Advice on Practical Doings:
Do in Practice
First off I want to tell you that I am preparing a Micro
Report (of the type How to Do It) with marriage problem advice on the subject of
how best to deal with practical doings in your marriage or love relationship.
This Micro Report [LINK] will be on sale soon (for a micro price) right here on
In the meantime I'll give you some marriage problem advice
in the form of general ideas and hints:Agreeing
decision process by agreeing to the fact that love and practical doings are two
completely separate and different things. The practical doings of you and your
spouse/partner/lover have nothing to do with the fact that you love each other.
Making a List
Then you make a list of practical doings - all the
practical things that need to be done and all the other potential problem areas
(of a practical nature) - in your marriage or love relationship.Grading
the Items On the List
Then you each consider every single item and rate it on
a simple 3 grade scale, depending on how much you like to do whatever it is.
This will make it clear whether the item can be done with love or if it's a
subject of trade (i.e. tit for tat and compromise).A Chance to Grow
Since the subjects of this website are not only self help, but also personal
development, self improvement and spirituality this point in the process is
where you have the chance for some personal development / self improvement. It's
quite optional of course.
What I'm talking about? Well, I'm talking about
moving from resistance to love in one or more areas on your list. For instance,
one (or both) of you might have great resistance to, say, doing the dishes or
cleaning the bathroom. That resistance is condition of being closed off - which
means that somewhere (perhaps deep down), some kind of fear is involved.
This equals a chance for you to grow! Just imagine: Personal growth in the area
of doing the dishes! Don't laugh ... well, okay, you can laugh ... :-) But the
fact remains that ANY feeling of resistance, unpleasantness and being closed off
contains a wonderful possibility for personal growth. More on that in the Micro
Report [LINK].Dividing the List Between You
After that you start
dividing the tasks at hand (the practical doing, etc. of your marriage or love
relationship) between you. TheAgreeing ... in Writing
As always, when
it comes to agreements and contracts, it is a definite advantage if all involved
parties are in complete agreement ... and the agreement or contract is written
Hang on, wait! Am I suggesting that you and your
lover/partner/spouse should make a written agreement/contract specifying who
does the dishes, who cleans the toilet, who takes care of the kids on which days
of the week, etc. - plus how these tasks are to be performed?
You wanted marriage problem advice, so that is precisely what I am suggesting.
And why not? It will make both of your lives much easier.
In any case
agreement is essential. Remember: You both have live with your arrangement for
quite a long time, so using too much time at this point is probably preferable
to using too little.
When you make your agreement there are a number of
things to take into consideration. In the Micro Report [LINK] there's a detailed
recipe with directions as to how you might create the perfect agreement
regarding practical doings in your life together. Now that's sound marriage
problem advice for ya!
That's it, for now, with the marriage problem
advice. Good luck!
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