• Finding it difficult to be yourself - to be authentically you?
Then get your troubles into perspective by reading this!
• Read 7 more or
less surprising facts about being you
• Learn how to distinguish your beliefs
about yourself from the truth
• Find out what socialization has done to you +
what to do about it
Is It Cool to Be Yourself?
The answer to that question is: Always!
It's very, very cool to be
authentically you. In fact, it's the coolest, most desirable thing
you can possibly be.
Also, it's the best thing you can DO. On
a scale of 0 to 100 being authentically you rates 100.
you want to be yourself? That probably depends on how you define
'yourself'. Most likely some versions of 'yourself' do not seem very
attractive to you, while other versions do.
For instance: If
you are highly identified with your ego, odds are that it is not
very attractive for you to be yourself. This is particularly true if
you have a self deflating ego (as opposed to a self inflating ego).
Also, if you are plagued by shame, guilt, fear [LINK],
depression [LINK], anxiety [LINK] or meaninglessness [LINK] your
view of yourself and the world may be particularly bleak. No way you
want to be yourself.
Okay. Time to get real.
Facts About You
I'm telling you it's great to be yourself. Why? Well, let me just
remind you of a few very important facts:
Fact no. 1:
You were born as yourself - to be yourself.
Fact no. 2: You are, have always been, and will always
Fact no. 3: You have been
conditioned, socialized and taught beliefs.
4: Your social conditioning and beliefs affects your
view of yourself and life.
Fact no. 5:
Your social conditioning, your beliefs and your views affect your
Fact no. 6: No thought or
conditioning or belief is ever absolutely true.
no. 7: You have free will and with it you actually
choose your experience.
Please keep these facts in
mind. They are important in you want to make it tolerable (or even:
great) to be yourself.
Who You Are
As you may have deduced from the above statements of fact, you have
to distinguish between:
- 'who you really, actually,
'who you have been taught to think
and believe you are'.
Those are two different things. They
are also mutually exclusive:
You cannot both be yourself and
be who you have been taught to think and believe you are. You've got
Be yourself or be a fiction about you ...
Who you really, authentically are - who you were born as, and
born to be - never really changes much. It's pretty solid and real.
Also, experiencing it feels wonderful. (Absolute reality [LINK] is
like that; it just feels great).
Who you have been taught to
think and believe that you are is subjective and varies from culture
to culture, and family to family, and person to person. It is
relative, which means: It isn't absolutely real, it's more like a
Also, experiencing your relative identity is, well,
a relative experience. It changes a lot. It may feel okay, or at
times even great, but odds are that much of the time it just
Just so that we are clear here, your relative
identity consists of things like your ... name, job title, family,
culture, thoughts, beliefs, etc.
Your authentic identity
doesn't really have a name, but words that might apply could be ...
consciousness, awareness, I am, soul, source, life, etc.
is important here, however, is your feeling, your experience.
Why? Because your experience = your life.
And if I'm not
much mistaken, you want a good life. Right?
What We Want
We humans are simple beings. Every single person alive basically
wants just wants just two things:
a) Getting a good
experience or life
In other words: To achieve having
a pleasant feeling (happiness
b) Avoiding a bad experience or life
In other words: To avoid having an unpleasant feeling
inside (being unhappy)
So, the important thing is your
Please note that 'who you experience yourself to be' is not a fixed
thing. It is, in fact, a matter of choice. Your choice!
may choose to experience yourself as anything and anyone you please.
By far the easiest thing to do is experiencing yourself as being
the authentic, real you. It requires no energy at all to be
yourself. The obvious reason for that being that in fact you ARE the
authentic, real you.
And yet ... you probably do not feel
like you are being entirely yourself (most people don't). Perhaps
you don't even feel that you CAN be yourself. To a large extent
that's because you have been socialized. You have been taught what
to be, how to be, and how to behave.
Inside you lies layer
upon layer of socialization.
This need not have been a
problem, but most likely it is ... because it is keeping you from
being who you really are. Like I said, you cannot both be yourself
and be a fiction about yourself.
The problem is not the
socialization in and of itself; the problem is the link between what
you have been taught and who you experience yourself to be.
In short: You have come to believe that you are that which you have
been taught. Not so.
In a so-called civilized society where
people have many different levels of awareness and consciousness,
some level of socialization may be necessary. Our experience tells
us, that we are better off, if we agree on some rules of behaviour.
Note this: Rules of BEHAVIOUR. Not rules of BEING.
Socialization should have absolutely nothing to do with who you are.
And, of course, it hasn't.
We have, however, made it seem so.
A Big Mistake
We have all heard persons in authority say sentences like:
"Nice girls don't talk like that, be a nice girl!"
- "Big boys
don't cry, be a big boy!"
- "A good [insert culture,
nationality, group, family, philosophy or religion of your choice]
does this, doesn't do that, and thinks like I think, and believes
what I say!"
Sentences like those - and many, many similar
ones - create links from behaviour ("do"/"don't") and to identity
In truth no such link exists!
In truth you can
only be yourself. You really are who you really are, regardless of
No matter how you talk, you are still who you
Whether you cry or not does not change who you
And no matter what you do, don't do, or believe
... you are still who you really are.
There is in fact no way
you can NOT be yourself.
Your behaviour is very relative and
changeable, your true identity is much more absolute and permanent.
But What About Your Experience?
However: You may BELIEVE all those things that you have heard from
persons of authority while you were growing up.
If you do believe those things (and most people do), then your
EXPERIENCE will largely conform to your beliefs. You can only be
yourself, but you can in fact experience being something else.
So, if you are a girl and you talk dirty, you will experience
that you are not a nice girl.
So, if you are a boy and you
cry, you will experience that you are not a big boy.
if you are a [insert same belief system as above] and you do, or
don't do, or think or don't think, or believe or don't believe
whatever you have been taught, well, then you will experience that
you are not a good [insert same belief system as above].
so you feel bad.
Because you have been brainwashed.
By persons in authority. (Who
probably thought they were doing you a favour).
though you FEEL bad, even though your EXPERIENCE is bad, YOU are NOT
Neither are you wrong, broken, defective, lacking,
sinful, unconnected, un-complete, without importance or not good
You can only be yourself - and you are - and that is
okay. Quite all right. Please remember that ... plus this:
Are Already Whole, and So Is Life
This is the absolute truth:
You are already whole and
complete just as you are. At the most basic of levels, there is
nothing wrong with you. You ARE good enough.
The same goes
for life in general: Life is the way it is. That is the way it is
supposed to be, and there is nothing wrong with that. There is
nothing wrong with life.
So, really, truly, there is no
reason why you should not be yourself, authentically yourself.
But ... You now Say
If you are already the way you need to be and the same goes for life
in general, how come you are not experiencing this?
you do not feel complete? How come you are experiencing
unpleasantness and feeling dissatisfied?
Whey you TRY to be
yourself, how come some other people's reactions make you feel bad?
How come so many people quite clearly perceive a need for
personal development, self improvement, self help and spirituality?
There is a very short answer to this.
The Answer to Why Your
Life Experience is Not Pleasant
The short answer to why you do not feel whole and complete, and to
why your life seems less than perfect, and to why it seems so hard
to just be yourself, is this:
Because you are busy
Believing what? Anything. All sorts of
things, particularly about yourself and about life in general.
You are busy believing that you are 'this' and not 'that'.
You are busy believing that 'life is like this' and not 'like
At a very basic level all this believing is what is
gives you unpleasant experiences. And makes it so very difficult to
Does this mean that if you just stop believing
anything at all then both you and your life will be wonderful?
The Point about Being Yourself: You Already Are
You are already yourself, of course ... who else would you be?
You have, however, been taught to believe a lot of things about
a lot of things, particularly about reality (life) and your
In effect you have been brainwashed.
Brainwashed to NOT be yourself. Brainwashed to try to be all sorts
of other things than yourself.
This brainwashing was probably
mostly done by people who really meant well. People who wanted you
to succeed in life and be happy. People who taught you the best they
knew. This, however, consisted mainly of what they themselves had
And since you are reading this, being interested
in personal development and change, well, then what you have been
taught does not serve you. Sorry!
To Be or Not to Be = Just to Be or to Believe
Am I telling you that you need believe something other than what you
have been taught? No!
Basically I am telling you that you
need to un-learn!
You need to un-learn who you believe are
and you need to un-learn what you believe about life.
NOT need to replace one kind of belief with another. You merely need
to let go.
When you let completely go of a belief you
discover the truth, which is: You just are. You exist. Nothing
further is needed.
You do not need any kind of belief. You
exist just fine without beliefs. In fact you exist much better than
fine. Just being, merely existing as who you are when you are not
trying to be something or someone in particular, is what you have
been searching for all this time!
It is happiness and inner
peace. It is spaciousness. It is unconditional love and universal
understanding. It is your answer.
I know all this may seem
incredible. Or, if you ... believe ... it, it may seem like a
serious pain in the butt. Believe me(!), I know. I have been there
myself (and in a few areas of my life I still am). I have spent
years un-learning. I am still un-learning.
The good news is
that it really works. Un-learning beliefs, letting go of them,
really gives you everything you ever wanted.
The Evidence: What Happens When We Let Go
How I can make such outrageous claims? Simply by observing what
happens when I myself and other people let go.
Let go of
what? Let go of anything that gives us an unpleasant experience.
• Patterns of
• Our entire
Letting completely go of any one of these
elements returns us to our natural state of being.
natural state of being we are whole and complete. We notice that the
same is true for life in general. We find complete inner peace. Very
often this is accompanied by intense feelings of spaciousness, love
and happiness. I sometimes call this condition, this state of being:
Home (with a capital H).
I have experienced this many times,
and I have helped many other people experience it, too.
are feelings, thoughts, needs, etc. beliefs? Well, they are not.
They are just things that we are experiencing. But we interpret
them. This interpretation is based on beliefs.
Who You Think You Are Is a Fiction
How is our entire chosen identity a belief? Well, it is a belief
because it is something we have chosen (albeit unconsciously). It is
by no means a natural given that exists by itself. It is not
something that IS in and of itself.
If we did not
continuously feed attention and energy into our chosen identity to
reinforce it, it would not really exist.
In other words our
chosen identity is relative, not absolute.
identity is a tale, a story, a fiction.
Our chosen identity
is who we tell ourselves and other people that we are: a daughter, a
mother, an accountant, a Christian, a friendly person, etc., etc.
Yes, we may be all of that, but we are also much, much more than
At the most basic and absolute level our identity is
simply: conscious awareness. Existence that is aware of itself.
Our chosen identity is merely whatever we choose to
believe and make other people believe about ourselves. Hence: a
All of this leads us to a certain point which is:
You Do Not Need to DO Something,
You Need to STOP Doing
If your beliefs (including thoughts, feeling, needs/wants, patterns
of behaviour (habits) and your chosen identity) are actually
limiting you, what can you do to make it better?
There is nothing you can DO, but a lot you can
First and foremost you can stop believing all
sorts of things about yourself and life in general. This is what I
and letting go completely will take you Home. Your
beliefs are your biggest limitations.
Actually, if you want a
better life (or your best life ever) this is where your primary
focus should be: On finding your beliefs and other limitations and
letting them go.
You want to be yourself, right? You want
and perhaps even
Basically any kind of personal
development, self improvement or deep spirituality can be achieved
by letting go of beliefs and limitations and just being who you
already are when you are not trying to be anyone in particular!
Let me just repeat that last bit: When you are not trying to be
someone or something in particular, you are in fact simply being
yourself - which is the most spiritual and personally developed
state you are currently capable of.
Also, to achieve personal
development, you simply look for any kind of unpleasantness in your
experience. The unpleasantness tells you that it is time to let go
and just be yourself - 100%authentically you.
If you let it,
your unpleasantness will even tell you exactly what to let go of.
The Let Go Method
capitalizes on this fact. It can be scary,
but it works.
The more you let go, the more free and
authentically yourself you become!
Letting go and being yourself are closely related. Why?
Because when you let go completely, you become authentically
Yes, there is a You when you have let go of all
There is a You when you are no longer attached
to - and busy believing in - your thoughts, your emotions, your
needs and wants, your habits (patterns of behaviour), your beliefs
and your chosen (relative) identity.
Letting go can be scary
at first, but the more you do it, the more yourself you become.
When you have completely let go you still exist, and not only
that but subjectively you feel MORE like yourself than ever before!
This is no wonder, because what happens when you let go? You
expand. You become more. More yourself.
that feels good. Really good. It feels like love, happiness, ecstasy
or inner peace ... or even all of the above.
In short, for
you to let go and just be yourself is highly recommended. You should
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