The Art of Being You and Showing It, Too
• How to be yourself is the art of being and showing it, too
• Here
you get 3 BIG but simple steps you can take
• Plus 5 additional pieces of
advice to help you to ... just be you
Three BIG Steps You Can Consider Taking
You want to know how to be yourself, and I will tell you about that. In fact, I will present you with a list of three steps you can take which will get you there.
Three steps on the road to learning the art of being you and showing it, too.
Now, that is not how I would normally treat a subject like this. Normally I would give you a lot of background info first. Info on your self concept, your ego, the Enneagram, and your soul identity and more.
But variation is the spice of life, so let's give it a try.
Please note that each of these is a BIG step, and so don't expect yourself to take them real quick and easy.
Read them and give them a whirl in your mind (and your emotions).
Then maybe you will consider testing the water, so to speak, by trying (bits of) them out. Or not. That's all up to you.
But the info is solid - as solid as it seems scary.
Drop Your Image Entirely
The first step is this:Stop pretending, lying, deceiving, maintaining an appearance and an image, and generally trying to be something and someone you really are not. Indeed, even stop trying to show the world (and yourself) that you are what you are (e.g. a good mother or violin player or whatever).
Stop all of this entirely.
You now no longer have to uphold any kind of image or appearance, and so what is left? You, as you are.
You can still be a good mother or violin player or whatever, only now you are no longer trying to show neither yourself nor the world around you ... anything. At all.
Start Being Totally Open, Honest and Communicative
Always tell the truth. Subscribe to radical honesty. Be totally open about what is going on inside you.There are two small caveats (things to remember) about this:
Caveat a) This radical honesty is only recommended when it comes to dealing with other people in diverse kinds of social settings - you know, human being to human being.
When dealing with agents of systems (e.g. your boss in her function as boss, or anyone else acting in their function as an agent of an organization or system), this behavior is not necessarily recommended.
Caveat b) Do not ENFORCE your openness and honesty on anyone. Be like an open book. A open on a table is perfectly happy just to lie there and be an open book. When people come near it, it does not jump up in their face urging them to read it. If they want to read the book, fine. If they just want to sit next to the open book and not read it, fine!
But other then that just honestly reveal yourself and your little schemes. Whenever you make a mistake, admit it. Whenever your try to manipulate someone to get your needs fulfilled, be open and honest about it - both about your manipulation and about what you need.
What is the point of this radically open and honest behavior? Simple: To disarm your defence mechanisms, not the least of which is your ego.
Accept and Learn from the Consequences
Step 3 is accepting and learning from any and all consequences which your new, image-free, open and honest behavior leads to.And in all likelihood there WILL be consequences. People around you will react.
Some will love it, some will be confused, some will be disgusted, and some will be angry.
Some of the folks who right now call themselves your friends may leave you. Other people will be attracted to you. All in all you will most probably be upgrading the quality of your friends and acquaintances, i.e. you will get new (and much better) friends.
Accept all those consequences without question. Learn from them. Learn how to be even MORE image-free, open, honest and accepting.
In any case, while these three simple steps will very quickly teach you how to be yourself, it CAN get unpleasant. Just remember, that any negative reaction you get from your new behavior has its root in fear. Some of the good folks around you will be scared. Very scared.
Therefore you are likely to need a few things on your journey ...
Addendum to
the 3 Simple Steps on How to Be Yourself:
What You Will Also Need
The
things you are likely to need on your journey are: Insight, compassion (love),
courage, communication and a backing group.Let's - briefly - go through those in reverse order (almost).
A Backing Group
A backing group are a group of more or less likeminded people (perhaps just a single person) whom you trust and who accept you and back you up no matter what.Real friends are like that: They know you intimately, including your worst weaknesses and they accept and love you anyway.
Most of the time family is like that too, even if other kinds of 'emotional mud' often enter that equation.
Your love partner might also be part of your backing group.
Or, you can actively look one up in the form of some sort of self help group. There are lots of different kinds of self help groups, and the Internet is perfect for helping you locate them. If you can't find a self help group, then you can create one yourself. You can even call it The How to Be Yourself Group. Again, use the Internet.
And finally, you can of course enlist the help of a professional. A coach, or a guide in consciousness is probably the best choice, but a therapist or a spiritual teacher may also do just fine.
Communication
Changes can be scary, both for you and for those around you. So do communicate. Communicate A LOT.Tell people what you are up to and why. Tell yourself what you are up to, too. Be clear about your end goal (being yourself, being authentic, to just be YOU), and be clear about the smaller goals you set for yourself along the way.
Be elaborate when it comes to alleviating fears (both your own and those of other people). And be specific with regard to the fact that what you are doing is all about you and not about other people. They are free to be themselves, however that is.
Courage
Some say you either have courage or you don't, but I beg to differ. Courage is nothing more than a choice. The repeated choice to stick with, well, your basic choice - which is learning how to be yourself, or, more precisely, actually being you and showing it, too.You have courage if you KEEP making that choice over and over and over again, no matter what. In all the big and small situations you encounter as you go about your life. Just keep making the choice to stick with your choice, that's all.
So the biggest part of courage is actually quite small, it consists in repeatedly making the same choice. Another part of courage is something as ordinary as habit - which forms automatically as you keep making the same choice.
Compassion (Love)
When your goal is learning how to be yourself having compassion (love) will get you a long way. When you have compassion and love you relax, you don't try to fight and you make lots of allowances - without ever making allowances which will harm the person in question or anyone else.Okay, so, who do you need compassion and love for? First and foremost: for yourself. But having it for other people around you, too, really helps.
A funny thing about compassion is that it usually arises from understanding. To feel compassion for someone you have to understand them. That goes for yourself, too!
Making changes in yourself becomes a lot easier when you understand why you have the tendencies you have and what those tendencies ACTUALLY do for you. And in understanding yourself better, you automatically understand other people better, as well.
In other words the 'magic' thingy you are looking for is insight.
Insight
Insight is what this website is designed to give you. And gaining insight into yourself, other people and life itself is the best piece of advice I can give you.In learning how to be yourself you may want to learn much more about subjects like fear, love, the ego, the Enneagram, the soul, letting go, etc.
Final Words about How to Be Yourself
Usually how to be yourself is not something you learn in one go (though it can be). It is much more likely to be a process where you gradually learn to relax, accept and let go of all the things that hold you back.
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