• How to be yourself is the art of being and showing it, too
you get 3 BIG but simple steps you can take
• Plus 5 additional pieces of
advice to help you to ... just be you
Three BIG Steps You Can Consider Taking
You want to know how to be yourself,
and I will tell you about that. In fact, I will present you with a list of three
steps you can take which will get you there.
Three steps on the road to
learning the art of being you and showing it, too.
Now, that is not how I
would normally treat a subject like this. Normally I would give you a lot of
background info first. Info on your
your soul identity and more.
But variation is the spice of life, so let's
give it a try.
Please note that each of these is a BIG step, and so don't
expect yourself to take them real quick and easy.
Read them and give them
a whirl in your mind (and your emotions).
Then maybe you will consider
testing the water, so to speak, by trying (bits of) them out. Or not. That's all
up to you.
But the info is solid - as solid as it seems scary.
Drop Your Image
The first step is this:
Stop pretending, lying, deceiving,
maintaining an appearance and an image, and generally trying to be something and
someone you really are not. Indeed, even stop trying to show the world (and
yourself) that you are what you are (e.g. a good mother or violin player or
Stop all of this entirely.
You now no longer have to
uphold any kind of image or appearance, and so what is left? You, as you are.
You can still be a good mother or violin player or whatever, only now you
are no longer trying to show neither yourself nor the world around you ...
anything. At all.
Start Being Totally Open, Honest and Communicative
Always tell the
truth. Subscribe to radical honesty. Be totally open about what is going on
There are two small caveats (things to remember) about this:
Caveat a) This radical honesty is only recommended when it comes to dealing
with other people in diverse kinds of social settings - you know, human being to
When dealing with agents of systems (e.g. your boss in her
function as boss, or anyone else acting in their function as an agent of an
organization or system), this behavior is not necessarily recommended.
Caveat b) Do not ENFORCE your openness and honesty on anyone. Be like an open
book. A open on a table is perfectly happy just to lie there and be an open
book. When people come near it, it does not jump up in their face urging them to
read it. If they want to read the book, fine. If they just want to sit next to
the open book and not read it, fine!
But other then that just honestly
reveal yourself and your little schemes. Whenever you make a mistake, admit it.
Whenever your try to manipulate someone to get your needs fulfilled, be open and
honest about it - both about your manipulation and about what you need.
What is the point of this radically open and honest behavior? Simple: To disarm
your defence mechanisms, not the least of which is
Accept and Learn from the
Step 3 is accepting and learning from any and all consequences
which your new, image-free, open and honest behavior leads to.
And in all
likelihood there WILL be consequences. People around you will react.
will love it, some will be confused, some will be disgusted, and some will be
Some of the folks who right now call themselves your friends may
leave you. Other people will be attracted to you. All in all you will most
probably be upgrading the quality of your friends and acquaintances, i.e. you
will get new (and much better) friends.
Accept all those consequences
without question. Learn from them. Learn how to be even MORE image-free, open,
honest and accepting.
In any case, while these three simple steps will
very quickly teach you how to be yourself, it CAN get unpleasant. Just remember,
that any negative reaction you get from your new behavior has its root in fear.
Some of the good folks around you will be scared. Very scared.
you are likely to need a few things on your journey ...
the 3 Simple Steps on How to Be Yourself:
What You Will Also Need
things you are likely to need on your journey are: Insight, compassion (love),
courage, communication and a backing group.
Let's - briefly - go through
those in reverse order (almost).
A Backing Group
A backing group are a group of more or less
likeminded people (perhaps just a single person) whom you trust and who accept
you and back you up no matter what.
Real friends are like that: They know
you intimately, including your worst weaknesses and they accept and love you
Most of the time family is like that too, even if other kinds of
'emotional mud' often enter that equation.
Your love partner might also
be part of your backing group.
Or, you can actively look one up in the
form of some sort of self help group. There are lots of different kinds of self
help groups, and the Internet is perfect for helping you locate them. If you
can't find a self help group, then you can create one yourself. You can even
call it The How to Be Yourself Group. Again, use the Internet.
finally, you can of course enlist the help of a professional. A coach, or a
guide in consciousness is probably the best choice, but a therapist or a
spiritual teacher may also do just fine.
Changes can be scary, both for you
and for those around you. So do communicate. Communicate A LOT.
people what you are up to and why. Tell yourself what you are up to, too. Be
clear about your end goal (being yourself, being authentic, to just be YOU), and
be clear about the smaller goals you set for yourself along the way.
elaborate when it comes to alleviating fears (both your own and those of other
people). And be specific with regard to the fact that what you are doing is all
about you and not about other people. They are free to be themselves, however
Some say you either have courage or you don't, but I beg to differ. Courage
is nothing more than a choice. The repeated choice to stick with, well, your
basic choice - which is learning how to be yourself, or, more precisely,
actually being you and showing it, too.
You have courage if you KEEP
making that choice over and over and over again, no matter what. In all the big
and small situations you encounter as you go about your life. Just keep making
the choice to stick with your choice, that's all.
So the biggest part of
courage is actually quite small, it consists in repeatedly making the same
choice. Another part of courage is something as ordinary as habit - which forms
automatically as you keep making the same choice.
When your goal is
learning how to be yourself having compassion (love) will get you a long way.
When you have compassion and love you relax, you don't try to fight and you make
lots of allowances - without ever making allowances which will harm the person
in question or anyone else.
Okay, so, who do you need compassion and love
for? First and foremost: for yourself. But having it for other people around
you, too, really helps.
A funny thing about compassion is that it usually
arises from understanding. To feel compassion for someone you have to understand
them. That goes for yourself, too!
Making changes in yourself becomes a
lot easier when you understand why you have the tendencies you have and what
those tendencies ACTUALLY do for you. And in understanding yourself better, you
automatically understand other people better, as well.
In other words the
'magic' thingy you are looking for is insight.
Insight is what this website is
designed to give you. And gaining insight into yourself, other people and life
itself is the best piece of advice I can give you.
In learning how to be
yourself you may want to learn much more about subjects like fear, love, the
ego, the Enneagram, the soul, letting go, etc.
Final Words about How to Be Yourself
Usually how to be yourself is not something you learn in one go (though it can
be). It is much more likely to be a process where you gradually learn to relax,
accept and let go
of all the things that hold you back.
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