• Get surprising new info about personal development!
• Find out what it is, what to do, and how to do it in practice.
• Are you focused on goals, knowledge or solving problems? Good!
• Learn the simple 1-2-3 of self development/improvement, etc.
• See an example personal development plan, and make your own.
b) The most powerful kind of personal development
is actually a dismantling, a phasing out.
Those are a couple of somewhat provocative statements, right? Let me just explain them - and a few other things, too.
How I discovered this? Simply by repeatedly asking
them this question: "Okay, if you had that (e.g. a new car) what
would that give you?"
An example: A man working in middle management
tells me that he wants to achieve the goal of getting an expensive
new sports car, a red Ferrari.
So, I ask: "Okay, if you had a red Ferrari what
would that give you?" and the answer is a cool image. I ask: "Okay,
if you had a cool image what would that give you?" and the answer is
higher status. I ask: "Okay, if you had higher status what would
that give you?" and the answer is more power and influence. Well, I
just keep doing that and guess where we end up?
I have yet to meet someone for who is not, at the
deepest level, looking for those very things. So, I'm going to go
ahead and assume that this is true for you, too.
As it is, you're probably only experiencing them
in random glimpses. But I PROMISE you:
Happiness, inner peace, love, spiritual
enlightenment and wholeness are experiences that you can have
anytime, anyplace, no matter who you are, for as long as you please.
They're choices, actually, but that just sounds
annoying to most people, because they have no idea how to choose
Well, since you're reading stuff on this website,
that may be about to change for you.
On a daily basis I help people to experience those
things. It's quite possible. Anyone can do it. You, too. Because,
like I said, they're already yours!
You DO have those things, and there is NOTHING
wrong with you! It's simply that something is standing in the way of
your desired experience.
Now, the things standing in the way of your desired experience are the same for everybody. Those things, too, go by many different names. Fear [LINK], anxiety [LINK], beliefs [LINK], limitations, the ego and defence mechanisms are some of the most commonly used words.
These things come between you and your desired
experience in the same way that big, fat, black rain clouds come
between you and the sun. The sun is always there, but until the
clouds disperse, you won't experience it.
It's exactly the same way with happiness, inner
peace, etc. - you won't experience those things until your fear,
anxiety, beliefs, ego and defence mechanisms have dispersed. That's
why I say ...
You don't need those things, anyway. If your life
is like most people's life the fear-based things don't do you any
good what so ever.
What? Am I telling you that you don't need your
fear, anxiety, beliefs, ego and defence mechanisms? Well, no, only
the fear-based parts.
But hey, isn't that like ... most of it?
Yep. It is. (It's not quite all of it, though; the
ego, for instance, does have some planning and problem solving
abilities that can be useful now and then ... that's about it,
But, aren't those fear-based things performing
some important function? Well, they actually do have a function, but
chances are that this function is NOT needed in your life right now.
In cases like those, your instincts react with
fear, prompting you to fight, flee or freeze. Which is excellent and
very useful, because it's a matter of physical survival.
But if your love partner keeps nagging you, and
your kids keep pestering you, and your boss keeps pacing you, and
your colleagues keep ostracising you, and you keep criticizing
yourself, well, then you're almost bound to feel pressurized and get
stressed ... and reach for all your fear-based stuff, including your
And that, my friend, is not a good idea. It has
nothing to do with physical survival, it doesn't work, and it'll
ruin your day. And if you keep doing it, it'll ruin your life. Your
love partner or boss or who ever it is, will not react positively -
they will get scared by your behaviour and react with something
fear-based in return - which will escalate an already lousy
So, barring actual life threatening situations,
you are much better off NOT USING your arsenal of fear-based stuff!
And most people lead terribly stressed lives. Not
because they want to, and not because they have to, but simply
because they don't know how to STOP leading that kind of life. So
their defence mechanisms and other fear-based stuff are at the
forefront most of the time. That doesn't feel very nice, and it is a
far cry from a good life.
Maybe that describes you, too?
In fact, maybe that's one of the important reasons
why you're interested in personal development, self help, self
improvement, spirituality or whatever interest it is that makes you
Well, good news! The road I advice you to take towards personal development is easy. My advice is as simple as 1-2-3 ...
1) Choose your direction (not
really a goal, just kind of) and set yourintention
2) Get know-how (skills) and understanding/insight into your fear-based stuff
3) Start accepting and letting
(dismantling) your fear-based stuff
That's it. Easy, right? But wait, for some people
it can be even easier!
What's even easier is this: Follow the pain (unpleasantness), accept it, and let it go! I'll tell you more about this approach in a moment.
Well, if you're one of those people I'll help you
with that. I'll provide a page specifically dedicated to personal
development plans [LINK]. Just have a tiny bit of patience, for
it'll be here real soon.
Apart from the 1-2-3 of personal development
(outlined above and more info on it here [LINK]), the one simple
thing to remember is this:
You can use your discomfort (experiences of
unpleasantness) as your tool and guide in your personal development.
Every time you feel unpleasantness, it's a sign
that there is something that you're not clear about. 'Not clear
about' means that you a) don't accept it and b) hold on to it. Most
likely it has roots is in one of your beliefs [LINK] (or, if you
prefer: your personal, relative reality [LINK]).
Use the 1-2-3 of personal development [LINK] to
get clear (and, if you can: let your belief go completely - you
don't need it).
That's it, that's all. This will get you where you
want to go.
Start by choosing your desired method: Plan - or
no plan. Skip to the part below that's for you.
YOU WANT A PLAN
(1) Answer this question: What is it you want more of - or less of? Let your answer to this question guide you to the place on this website where it's discussed. Use the menu buttons on the upper left side of each page to take you there. Read all about it. This will help you understand and gather know-how.
(2a) If you're the type who plans extensively:
Follow the instructions for creating a detailed personal development
plan [LINK]. Implement it.
(2b) If you're the type who just needs a sketchy
plan: Use the 1-2-3 of personal development as outlined above: 1)
choose a direction and set an intention, 2) gain insight and
know-how , 3) accept and let go of anything that's even remotely
related to fear (i.e. anything that gives you an unpleasant
experience). Read more about the 1-2-3 of personal development here
(3) Know this: No matter what you want to get more
- or less - of, what you really, deep down, want is happiness,
inner peace [LINK], love,
spiritual enlightenment [LINK] or wholeness. So you may choose to go
straight for those things, if you like. To do so, just read about
not having a plan (below).
(Actually what you're looking for is what I call
absolute reality [LINK], and happily you're right, smack in the
middle of it; you simply need to notice that, which you do by
letting go of your own, personal and relative reality [LINK]).
YOU DON'T WANT A PLAN
If you're the impulsive, somewhat happy go lucky type:
(1) Follow the pain and unpleasantness, accept it
and let it go! That's it.
To do this you:
a) make yourself aware of whatever's bugging you or limiting you,
b) dive into it (enhance it!), so you can ...
c) get to know it, and ...
d) accept it, and then simply ...
e) let go of it.
Use a method like the
Let Go Method for
You'll soon notice that what you'll be diving
into, accepting and letting go is your fear [LINK] in different
That' true whether you're going for a goal or
seeking knowledge/insight and discovering your (perceived)
limitations, or you're trying to fix your problems and make sure
they don't return. It's all fear, fear, fear.
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