Personal Development

• Get surprising new info about personal development!
• Find out what it is, what to do, and how to do it in practice.
• Are you focused on goals, knowledge or solving problems? Good!
• Learn the simple 1-2-3 of self development/improvement, etc.
• See an example personal development plan, and make your own.

Development Is ... Change

Development is neither good nor bad; neither right nor wrong - it's simply a change from something to something else; from one condition to another.

So, you're probably reading this because you're interested in making some kind of change in yourself or your life (or both).

Change is easy to understand, because it can go only two ways: More of something or less of something.

People are easy to understand, too, because what they usually want is more of the good, pleasant stuff and less of bad, unpleasant stuff.

What Is Personal Development?

Basically, personal development when you change yourself and your life experience in a direction that you desire. You know: More of something or less of something.

For instance:

(1) You might want more knowledge, skills and insight, because you feel that knowledge, skills and insight are good and pleasant things.

(2) For the same reason, you may also want to get better at defining and achieving your goals.

(3) And because you don't really like problems, because you feel that problems are bad stuff, you want less of that, you want to solve your problems, and have fewer problems.

Well, luckily those three things are exactly what this website is all about!

When you desire personal development and change, basically what you want is a different experience. A better life. To get that, you change yourself and your life - that's what makes the development personal.

(And on the off chance that you've got an idea about changing someone else or someone else's life: Just forget about it. It's beyond your control. You don't control their life, they do. Just like you control yours).

So, now we know that for most people:

Personal development is when you ...

- acquire knowledge, skills and insight
- define and achieve goals
- and solve problems plus get fewer of them
... all done by yourself
... in regard to yourself and your own life.

Two Surprises for You

And now it's time for a surprise or two. I have these two important things to tell you about personal development:

a) You already have that which you are searching for.

b) The most powerful kind of personal development
is actually a dismantling, a phasing out.

Those are a couple of somewhat provocative statements, right? Let me just explain them - and a few other things, too.

What You Really Want

During my (many) years of working as a coach and guide in consciousness [LINK] I have had an excellent chance to check out what people want. And I don't just mean what they say at first, like some shiny new toy like a car, a motorbike or a boat, no, I mean what they REALLY want.

How I discovered this? Simply by repeatedly asking them this question: "Okay, if you had that (e.g. a new car) what would that give you?"

An example: A man working in middle management tells me that he wants to achieve the goal of getting an expensive new sports car, a red Ferrari.

So, I ask: "Okay, if you had a red Ferrari what would that give you?" and the answer is a cool image. I ask: "Okay, if you had a cool image what would that give you?" and the answer is higher status. I ask: "Okay, if you had higher status what would that give you?" and the answer is more power and influence. Well, I just keep doing that and guess where we end up?

The answer can be put in many different ways, with happiness, inner peace [LINK], love, spiritual enlightenment [LINK] and wholeness being some of the most common words used.

I have yet to meet someone for who is not, at the deepest level, looking for those very things. So, I'm going to go ahead and assume that this is true for you, too.

You Already Have It!

Well, I'm here to tell you that you've already got happiness, inner peace, love, spiritual enlightenment and wholeness. They're yours. You just haven't noticed it yet. Or, rather, you've forgotten it.

As it is, you're probably only experiencing them in random glimpses. But I PROMISE you:

Happiness, inner peace, love, spiritual enlightenment and wholeness are experiences that you can have anytime, anyplace, no matter who you are, for as long as you please.

They're choices, actually, but that just sounds annoying to most people, because they have no idea how to choose those things.

Well, since you're reading stuff on this website, that may be about to change for you.

On a daily basis I help people to experience those things. It's quite possible. Anyone can do it. You, too. Because, like I said, they're already yours!

No Happiness, Inner Peace, Love, Spiritual Enlightenment and Wholeness for You?

Please note: If you are currently NOT experiencing happiness, inner peace, love, spiritual enlightenment and wholeness, it's NOT because you don't have those things, and it's NOT because there is something wrong with you.

You DO have those things, and there is NOTHING wrong with you! It's simply that something is standing in the way of your desired experience.

Now, the things standing in the way of your desired experience are the same for everybody. Those things, too, go by many different names. Fear [LINK], anxiety [LINK], beliefs [LINK], limitations, the ego and defence mechanisms are some of the most commonly used words.

These things come between you and your desired experience in the same way that big, fat, black rain clouds come between you and the sun. The sun is always there, but until the clouds disperse, you won't experience it.

It's exactly the same way with happiness, inner peace, etc. - you won't experience those things until your fear, anxiety, beliefs, ego and defence mechanisms have dispersed. That's why I say ...

Personal Development Is a Dismantling, a Phasing Out

Imagine that you are having a garden sale to get rid of the heaviest clutter in your life: Everything fear-based has to go!

You don't need those things, anyway. If your life is like most people's life the fear-based things don't do you any good what so ever.

What? Am I telling you that you don't need your fear, anxiety, beliefs, ego and defence mechanisms? Well, no, only the fear-based parts.

But hey, isn't that like ... most of it?

Yep. It is. (It's not quite all of it, though; the ego, for instance, does have some planning and problem solving abilities that can be useful now and then ... that's about it, though).

But, aren't those fear-based things performing some important function? Well, they actually do have a function, but chances are that this function is NOT needed in your life right now.

Don't You Need Fear-based Things?

Fear-based things may be needed, say, a few seconds on any given day. When you are half asleep in the morning and step in front of a moving vehicle, for instance. Or when you go jogging in the afternoon and encounter a hungry tiger or polar bear.

In cases like those, your instincts react with fear, prompting you to fight, flee or freeze. Which is excellent and very useful, because it's a matter of physical survival.

But if your love partner keeps nagging you, and your kids keep pestering you, and your boss keeps pacing you, and your colleagues keep ostracising you, and you keep criticizing yourself, well, then you're almost bound to feel pressurized and get stressed ... and reach for all your fear-based stuff, including your defence mechanisms.

And that, my friend, is not a good idea. It has nothing to do with physical survival, it doesn't work, and it'll ruin your day. And if you keep doing it, it'll ruin your life. Your love partner or boss or who ever it is, will not react positively - they will get scared by your behaviour and react with something fear-based in return - which will escalate an already lousy situation.

So, barring actual life threatening situations, you are much better off NOT USING your arsenal of fear-based stuff!

Stress and Pressure Makes for a Lousy Life

Like I mentioned, stress and pressure brings up the tendency to use your defence mechanisms and other fear-based stuff.

And most people lead terribly stressed lives. Not because they want to, and not because they have to, but simply because they don't know how to STOP leading that kind of life. So their defence mechanisms and other fear-based stuff are at the forefront most of the time. That doesn't feel very nice, and it is a far cry from a good life.

Maybe that describes you, too?

In fact, maybe that's one of the important reasons why you're interested in personal development, self help, self improvement, spirituality or whatever interest it is that makes you read this?

Well, good news! The road I advice you to take towards personal development is easy. My advice is as simple as 1-2-3 ...

The 1-2-3 of Personal Development

This simple 1-2-3 of personal development not only takes care of your goals, skills and problems, it actually provides the overall framework for a personal development plan - should you want one:

1) Choose your direction (not really a goal, just kind of) and set yourintention

2) Get know-how (skills) and understanding/insight into your fear-based stuff

3) Start accepting and letting go of (dismantling) your fear-based stuff

That's it. Easy, right? But wait, for some people it can be even easier!

What's even easier is this: Follow the pain (unpleasantness), accept it, and let it go! I'll tell you more about this approach in a moment.

Want a Personal Development Plan?

Some people feel better having a plan for what they are about to do. So, they decide they need a personal development plan.

Well, if you're one of those people I'll help you with that. I'll provide a page specifically dedicated to personal development plans [LINK]. Just have a tiny bit of patience, for it'll be here real soon.

Don't Want a Personal Development Plan?

Other people are more impulsive and absolutely do not want to make plans; they prefer to deal with things as they arise. This is equally efficient.

Apart from the 1-2-3 of personal development (outlined above and more info on it here [LINK]), the one simple thing to remember is this:

You can use your discomfort (experiences of unpleasantness) as your tool and guide in your personal development.

Every time you feel unpleasantness, it's a sign that there is something that you're not clear about. 'Not clear about' means that you a) don't accept it and b) hold on to it. Most likely it has roots is in one of your beliefs [LINK] (or, if you prefer: your personal, relative reality [LINK]).

Use the 1-2-3 of personal development [LINK] to get clear (and, if you can: let your belief go completely - you don't need it).

That's it, that's all. This will get you where you want to go.

What to Do in Practice

All of this sounds easy, but what do you do in practice? Well, in practice some elements of your personal development might look like this:

Start by choosing your desired method: Plan - or no plan. Skip to the part below that's for you.


(1) Answer this question: What is it you want more of - or less of? Let your answer to this question guide you to the place on this website where it's discussed. Use the menu buttons on the upper left side of each page to take you there. Read all about it. This will help you understand and gather know-how.

(2a) If you're the type who plans extensively: Follow the instructions for creating a detailed personal development plan [LINK]. Implement it.

(2b) If you're the type who just needs a sketchy plan: Use the 1-2-3 of personal development as outlined above: 1) choose a direction and set an intention, 2) gain insight and know-how , 3) accept and let go of anything that's even remotely related to fear (i.e. anything that gives you an unpleasant experience). Read more about the 1-2-3 of personal development here [LINK].

(3) Know this: No matter what you want to get more - or less - of, what you really, deep down, want is happiness, inner peace [LINK], love, spiritual enlightenment [LINK] or wholeness. So you may choose to go straight for those things, if you like. To do so, just read about not having a plan (below).

(Actually what you're looking for is what I call absolute reality [LINK], and happily you're right, smack in the middle of it; you simply need to notice that, which you do by letting go of your own, personal and relative reality [LINK]).


If you're the impulsive, somewhat happy go lucky type:

(1) Follow the pain and unpleasantness, accept it and let it go! That's it.

To do this you:

a) make yourself aware of whatever's bugging you or limiting you, and ...
b) dive into it (enhance it!), so you can ...
c) get to know it, and ...
d) accept it, and then simply ...
e) let go of it.

Use a method like the Let Go Method for this.

You'll soon notice that what you'll be diving into, accepting and letting go is your fear [LINK] in different guises.

That' true whether you're going for a goal or seeking knowledge/insight and discovering your (perceived) limitations, or you're trying to fix your problems and make sure they don't return. It's all fear, fear, fear.

In any case you should know that what you really want, and what you're ultimately going to get, is happiness, inner peace [LINK], love, spiritual enlightenment [LINK] and wholeness.

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