Do you want to know if you really love
someone? If you are truly compatible? Here is a test to help you figure that
out. Answer these twelve statements with a "yes" or "no" response, and learn
some love tips as well!
The Twelve-Statement Love Compatibility Test
There are many reasons why you might want to take a
love test. It can be quite entertaining and help you learn more about your own
needs and desires. It can be fun to take with your loved one. Comparing and
discussing responses helps us to understand each other and better define
You might take this love match test, however, because you have
concerns about whether you really love this person. Do you really want the
relationship to continue? Are you ready to take it to a deeper level or
commitment? Do you fear that your partner's relationship desires differ so much
from yours that you are vulnerable to being used?
Perhaps you question
your compatibility. You've heard that the old saying that there are three things
you should never discuss at the dinner table (sex, politics, and religion), and
you are afraid that there are insurmountable differences between you. Will your
love be able to endure your incompatibilities? Take this love compatibility test
Allow yourself time to reflect honestly on your responses.
Remember that love relationships are built and grown over time with many skills
that can be learned!
How do you build a good
relationship to someone? What's important? I actually have a very precise answer
for you. It takes the form of a dozen concepts that you can focus on - I call
them Your Keys to Relationships ...
Your Keys to Relationships
Intention (Choice / Courage / Free Will / Will Power / Dedication)
• Trust (Relaxing
in the Knowledge that All Is and Will Be Okay)
• Openness (Being Open Towards
Yourself, Others and Life)
• Focus Inwards (Being Centred in Yourself /
Living from the Inside Out)
• Love (Using Your Heart / Always Choosing Love)
• Acceptance (Saying Yes / The Art of Allowing / Forgiving / Letting Go)
Attention (Consciousness / Awareness / Presence)
• Self responsibility (Taking
Charge / Not Being a Victim / Being Reliable)
• Authenticity (Being Who You
Are and Showing It / Honesty)
• Self Knowledge (Understanding Yourself,
Others and Life)
• Common Ground (Shared Interest)
• Playfulness (Humour /
Fun / Adventure / Exploration / Learning)
When you have problems and
challenges in your relationships, they can almost always be boiled down to one
or more of the above things, i.e. to you not using one of your keys to
And conversely, when you do use those relationship keys,
you actually improve all your relationships at once.
noticed that these keys are the same keys that you use to build up a mature love
relationship based on unconditional love. Well, those relationship keys work in
pretty much any and all of your relationships - from love relationships, to
family relationships, to friendships, to business relationships. They
even work in your relationships to animals, objects, decisions, actions,
situations and life itself.
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Love Match/Love Compatibility Test Statements
1. I long to know my partner better in all areas, and to be known better by
Interest, desire, and longing to know and be known are a natural
part of intimacy and connection. You are not "too much" if you want your lover
to know you! Your desire to know more about your loved one isn't intrusive.
2. My partner and I respect each other for who we are, not just for what we
do or how much we earn.
When we meet someone, it is common to ask, "What
do you do? Where do you work?" Value and judgment are implied. As much as we
want to be respected professionally, and to be proud of our partner's work, we
have a far greater need to be valued as unique individuals in our personhood: in
all the good, the bad, and the ugly!
3. I am able to identify my
partner's weaknesses and faults and accept without trying to change him/her.
Unconditional love means acceptance of the other, just as they are. When you
find yourself becoming critical, manipulating truth, or demanding change, take a
step away. These are not acts of love. Let the demands and expectations go,
remembering that neither of you is perfect. If you cannot do this, then your
relationship will become conflictual and full of power struggles.
4. If I
were in trouble or danger, I could count on my partner to help me.
is essential in a good love match. It doesn't happen overnight. Depending on our
life history, it might have to be earned over time, or even tested. But you want
to know that the other takes your welfare seriously, and is on your side. You
need to feel safe with them, and know that they will make sacrifices, if
necessary, to help you.
5. I feel proud to introduce my partner to my
family, friends, and coworkers.
Sometimes we can get involved with
someone out of our own needs or loneliness, without the best of motivations. If
you are ashamed of your partner, you can bet that no matter how attracted you
might be, your partner will be wounded by your lack of acceptance and respect.
6. My partner and I are able to give each other space and time alone without
feeling threatened or jealous.
In the beginning of a romantic
relationship, it is normal to be preoccupied with the other, and long to be with
them all the time. But as time goes on, your individual lives will need to be
balanced. Excessive jealousy and the need to be together constantly can reflect
your own lack of trust and insecurity. It will probably be experienced as being
caged by the other. Deal with your feelings so that you can offer each other
freedom.7. Although my partner and I are very different, we are able to
communicate and compromise when it comes to getting work done and having fun
with each other
Communication and problem solving are important skills
in a relationship. Because we are so different, it is rather easy to let natural
areas of incompatibility grow into obstructions between us. Communicating
enables us to work through areas of incompatibility. Start to talk about taboo
areas around gender role, marriage, money, sex, spirituality, children, etc.
8. I am not afraid to speak my heart and mind and really be who I am with my
partner, whether he/she agrees or not.
It is so important for you to be
who you really are. If you are trying to get or keep your partner's approval by
being who you think he/she wants you to be, then your relationship is a shadow
thing, not real. If this love test reveals fear, then don't hesitate to get some
counseling. You deserve to be loved for who you really are.
9. I feel
stronger, more energized, and more joyful with my partner in my life.
you find yourself going dead inside because of your relationship, it is time to
reevaluate. A good love match brings energy and life to both in the couple.
Stress, grief, loss, trauma, and illness can all diminish our "joie de vivre."
But if you are consistently drained and depressed in your relationship, or full
of self-doubt, this is an indication of an unhealthy love match.
we have a disagreement or conflict, I know that my partner will work with me to
bring resolution and mutual understanding.
There are many different
possible conflict styles. You may be quiet, she may be a screamer. In addition
to learning to tolerate each other's style and to listen to the underlying issue,
we need to work towards win-win. If you must always win, then your partner must
always lose. It is not essential to come to agreement, but rather to accept,
understand, and respect each other's position.
11. My partner knows how
to give me sexual pleasure. I enjoy and am unafraid of his/her touch.
are all sexual beings with unique histories. Physical touch is a powerful
expression of love. Genital sex enables us to express and share our innermost
selves in wonderful passion. Time, trust, care, patience, and communication
allow us to be healers in each other's lives. If this is an area of pain in your
own life, or incongruity between you, get help! Don't be deprived of one of
life's greatest gifts.
12. My partner and I make time to be with each
other: to talk, to make love, to work, and to play together.
time. If you are unwilling to make time for each other, your relationship will
weaken. Your passion will fade. Your intimacy and sense of connection will take
a hit over time. Make sure that you spend adequate and regular time in fun
activities that rejuvenate you. Make time for love in all areas!
Match/Love Compatibility Test Scores
You answered "Yes"
If you answered "No" to all 10 statements, it is probably time to
end this relationship. You are at risk of being in an abusive relationship, and
continue it only at your own harm. It may be helpful to contact a mental health
professional to assist you in both how to terminate and how to deal with your
painful feelings. Closure will be a time to take care of yourself, allow
yourself to heal, and gently learn why you entered and stayed in a relationship
that caused you such pain.You answered "Yes" 1-3 times
If you answered "yes" to between 1 and 3 statements, this relationship is
very difficult for you. It is not an easy match; you are not compatible. It
doesn't seem likely that either of you will want to invest in the effort to
learn how to love each other in a way that will bring mutual safety, security,
joy, intimacy, and pleasure. Allow yourself to learn from this relationship to
prepare you for future, more fitting matches.You
answered "Yes" 4-6 times:
If you answered "yes" to between 4 and 6
statements, you are in a place of decision. There are many good things about
your relationship, but there are some real potential red flags. Is it worth it
to continue? Look through your answers and weigh them carefully. If you have a
pattern of dissatisfying or abusive relationships, it is time to figure out why.
Invite your partner in to the decision-making. You shouldn't carry the
relationship building alone.
If your partner isn't interested in working
together, remember Paul Simon's words, "There must be 50 ways to lose your
lover.... Just jump out the back Jack."
If you and your partner are
committed to the relationship and each other, there are many resources available
to help you become "Love Masters" as Scott and Shannon Peck (Love Skills for
Personal & Global Transformation: Secrets of a Love Master) call it. None of us
are perfect and no relationship is perfect. Part of life's richness is learning
to love, accept, forgive and grow with each other.You
answered "Yes" 7-10 times:
If you answered "yes" to between 7 and 10
statements, you are richly blessed. According to this love tester, you are well
matched and compatible. Don't "rest on your laurels"! Continue to build on your
strengths. Intentionally identify your weaknesses or areas of concern, and
target the skills that you need to learn. Enjoy your compatibility. Maybe you
will have a chance to help others learn to love as you have.
There are no perfect matches, no totally compatible unions.
all have our problems and areas of difficulty. This Love Match/Love
Compatibility Test is a tool to help you evaluate your relationship. Whatever
the results, you have the freedom to choose today to love yourself better and to
love your partner better. Sometimes that will mean learning and practicing new
skills, and getting help to build your relationship.
Sometimes it will
mean letting your relationship and the other go, and learning to love yourself
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