The Love Match/Love Compatibility Test

Do you want to know if you really love someone? If you are truly compatible? Here is a test to help you figure that out. Answer these twelve statements with a "yes" or "no" response, and learn some love tips as well!

The Twelve-Statement Love Compatibility Test

There are many reasons why you might want to take a love test. It can be quite entertaining and help you learn more about your own needs and desires. It can be fun to take with your loved one. Comparing and discussing responses helps us to understand each other and better define ourselves.

You might take this love match test, however, because you have concerns about whether you really love this person. Do you really want the relationship to continue? Are you ready to take it to a deeper level or commitment? Do you fear that your partner's relationship desires differ so much from yours that you are vulnerable to being used?

Perhaps you question your compatibility. You've heard that the old saying that there are three things you should never discuss at the dinner table (sex, politics, and religion), and you are afraid that there are insurmountable differences between you. Will your love be able to endure your incompatibilities? Take this love compatibility test to see.

Allow yourself time to reflect honestly on your responses. Remember that love relationships are built and grown over time with many skills that can be learned!

Your Keys to Relationships: An Overview

How do you build a good relationship to someone? What's important? I actually have a very precise answer for you. It takes the form of a dozen concepts that you can focus on - I call them Your Keys to Relationships ...

Your Keys to Relationships

• Intention (Choice / Courage / Free Will / Will Power / Dedication)
• Trust (Relaxing in the Knowledge that All Is and Will Be Okay)
• Openness (Being Open Towards Yourself, Others and Life)
• Focus Inwards (Being Centred in Yourself / Living from the Inside Out)
• Love (Using Your Heart / Always Choosing Love)
• Acceptance (Saying Yes / The Art of Allowing / Forgiving / Letting Go)
• Attention (Consciousness / Awareness / Presence)
• Self responsibility (Taking Charge / Not Being a Victim / Being Reliable)
• Authenticity (Being Who You Are and Showing It / Honesty)
• Self Knowledge (Understanding Yourself, Others and Life)
• Common Ground (Shared Interest)
• Playfulness (Humour / Fun / Adventure / Exploration / Learning)

When you have problems and challenges in your relationships, they can almost always be boiled down to one or more of the above things, i.e. to you not using one of your keys to relationships.

And conversely, when you do use those relationship keys, you actually improve all your relationships at once.

Perhaps you've noticed that these keys are the same keys that you use to build up a mature love relationship based on unconditional love. Well, those relationship keys work in pretty much any and all of your relationships - from love relationships, to family relationships, to friendships, to business relationships. They even work in your relationships to animals, objects, decisions, actions, situations and life itself.
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         Love match test

Love Match/Love Compatibility Test Statements

1. I long to know my partner better in all areas, and to be known better by him/her.

Interest, desire, and longing to know and be known are a natural part of intimacy and connection. You are not "too much" if you want your lover to know you! Your desire to know more about your loved one isn't intrusive.

2. My partner and I respect each other for who we are, not just for what we do or how much we earn.

When we meet someone, it is common to ask, "What do you do? Where do you work?" Value and judgment are implied. As much as we want to be respected professionally, and to be proud of our partner's work, we have a far greater need to be valued as unique individuals in our personhood: in all the good, the bad, and the ugly!

3. I am able to identify my partner's weaknesses and faults and accept without trying to change him/her.

Unconditional love means acceptance of the other, just as they are. When you find yourself becoming critical, manipulating truth, or demanding change, take a step away. These are not acts of love. Let the demands and expectations go, remembering that neither of you is perfect. If you cannot do this, then your relationship will become conflictual and full of power struggles.

4. If I were in trouble or danger, I could count on my partner to help me.

Trust is essential in a good love match. It doesn't happen overnight. Depending on our life history, it might have to be earned over time, or even tested. But you want to know that the other takes your welfare seriously, and is on your side. You need to feel safe with them, and know that they will make sacrifices, if necessary, to help you.

5. I feel proud to introduce my partner to my family, friends, and coworkers.

Sometimes we can get involved with someone out of our own needs or loneliness, without the best of motivations. If you are ashamed of your partner, you can bet that no matter how attracted you might be, your partner will be wounded by your lack of acceptance and respect.

6. My partner and I are able to give each other space and time alone without feeling threatened or jealous.

In the beginning of a romantic relationship, it is normal to be preoccupied with the other, and long to be with them all the time. But as time goes on, your individual lives will need to be balanced. Excessive jealousy and the need to be together constantly can reflect your own lack of trust and insecurity. It will probably be experienced as being caged by the other. Deal with your feelings so that you can offer each other freedom.

7. Although my partner and I are very different, we are able to communicate and compromise when it comes to getting work done and having fun with each other.

Communication and problem solving are important skills in a relationship. Because we are so different, it is rather easy to let natural areas of incompatibility grow into obstructions between us. Communicating enables us to work through areas of incompatibility. Start to talk about taboo areas around gender role, marriage, money, sex, spirituality, children, etc.

8. I am not afraid to speak my heart and mind and really be who I am with my partner, whether he/she agrees or not.

It is so important for you to be who you really are. If you are trying to get or keep your partner's approval by being who you think he/she wants you to be, then your relationship is a shadow thing, not real. If this love test reveals fear, then don't hesitate to get some counseling. You deserve to be loved for who you really are.

9. I feel stronger, more energized, and more joyful with my partner in my life.

If you find yourself going dead inside because of your relationship, it is time to reevaluate. A good love match brings energy and life to both in the couple. Stress, grief, loss, trauma, and illness can all diminish our "joie de vivre." But if you are consistently drained and depressed in your relationship, or full of self-doubt, this is an indication of an unhealthy love match.

10. When we have a disagreement or conflict, I know that my partner will work with me to bring resolution and mutual understanding.

There are many different possible conflict styles. You may be quiet, she may be a screamer. In addition to learning to tolerate each other's style and to listen to the underlying issue, we need to work towards win-win. If you must always win, then your partner must always lose. It is not essential to come to agreement, but rather to accept, understand, and respect each other's position.

11. My partner knows how to give me sexual pleasure. I enjoy and am unafraid of his/her touch.

We are all sexual beings with unique histories. Physical touch is a powerful expression of love. Genital sex enables us to express and share our innermost selves in wonderful passion. Time, trust, care, patience, and communication allow us to be healers in each other's lives. If this is an area of pain in your own life, or incongruity between you, get help! Don't be deprived of one of life's greatest gifts.

12. My partner and I make time to be with each other: to talk, to make love, to work, and to play together.

Things take time. If you are unwilling to make time for each other, your relationship will weaken. Your passion will fade. Your intimacy and sense of connection will take a hit over time. Make sure that you spend adequate and regular time in fun activities that rejuvenate you. Make time for love in all areas!

The Love Match/Love Compatibility Test Scores

You answered "Yes" 0 times

If you answered "No" to all 10 statements, it is probably time to end this relationship. You are at risk of being in an abusive relationship, and continue it only at your own harm. It may be helpful to contact a mental health professional to assist you in both how to terminate and how to deal with your painful feelings. Closure will be a time to take care of yourself, allow yourself to heal, and gently learn why you entered and stayed in a relationship that caused you such pain.

You answered "Yes" 1-3 times

If you answered "yes" to between 1 and 3 statements, this relationship is very difficult for you. It is not an easy match; you are not compatible. It doesn't seem likely that either of you will want to invest in the effort to learn how to love each other in a way that will bring mutual safety, security, joy, intimacy, and pleasure. Allow yourself to learn from this relationship to prepare you for future, more fitting matches.

You answered "Yes" 4-6 times:

If you answered "yes" to between 4 and 6 statements, you are in a place of decision. There are many good things about your relationship, but there are some real potential red flags. Is it worth it to continue? Look through your answers and weigh them carefully. If you have a pattern of dissatisfying or abusive relationships, it is time to figure out why. Invite your partner in to the decision-making. You shouldn't carry the relationship building alone.

If your partner isn't interested in working together, remember Paul Simon's words, "There must be 50 ways to lose your lover.... Just jump out the back Jack."

If you and your partner are committed to the relationship and each other, there are many resources available to help you become "Love Masters" as Scott and Shannon Peck (Love Skills for Personal & Global Transformation: Secrets of a Love Master) call it. None of us are perfect and no relationship is perfect. Part of life's richness is learning to love, accept, forgive and grow with each other.

You answered "Yes" 7-10 times:

If you answered "yes" to between 7 and 10 statements, you are richly blessed. According to this love tester, you are well matched and compatible. Don't "rest on your laurels"! Continue to build on your strengths. Intentionally identify your weaknesses or areas of concern, and target the skills that you need to learn. Enjoy your compatibility. Maybe you will have a chance to help others learn to love as you have.

Things to Remember:

There are no perfect matches, no totally compatible unions.

We all have our problems and areas of difficulty. This Love Match/Love Compatibility Test is a tool to help you evaluate your relationship. Whatever the results, you have the freedom to choose today to love yourself better and to love your partner better. Sometimes that will mean learning and practicing new skills, and getting help to build your relationship.

Sometimes it will mean letting your relationship and the other go, and learning to love yourself better.


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