Technique isn't quite as important you may think, but in order for you and
your love partner to have a satisfying sexual love life you both
need to acquire a certain level of skill.
The very best way
to get that is by trial and error. Please note those two words,
because they're BOTH important: TRIAL and ERROR. You need them both!
In other words: You need to try your hand at love making and sex,
you need to play with it and have lots of fun. Apart from having a
partner to do this with the primary requirements are actually
openness, acceptance and a playful attitude.
(men especially) spend so much time working on their love making techniques,
worrying whether their kissing techniques are right, and trying to improve their
orgasm techniques that they fail to remember what sex is really all about: fun
Love is something we all know and feel is important, sure, but
... "Fun?" you may ask. "Sex is all about making the other person have an orgasm
and blowing their minds with my amazing sexual prowess and crazy tantric
Well, no, it isn't.
Sorry to burst your bubble (if
indeed I did that). Sex is, at the most fundamental level, about opening up to
expressing and sharing love whilst having great fun and experiencing great
The pleasure is a function of love and fun, not the other way
The truth is that the very common belief that sex techniques are
the most important thing is - to put it plainly - wrong. What I mean by sex
techniques are things such as: French kissing techniques, G Spot lovemaking
techniques, tantric sex techniques, masterbation techniques, cunnilingus techniques and many, many more.
mistake me when I say that the sexual techniques aren't the most important thing;
they are pretty important. Sex techniques are great, and if you master one or
more of them, you will be able to give your partner - and yourself! - so much
It is wonderful to be able to have sex with a man or woman
and know that you can give them (or at least their body) the time of their life,
almost every single time. There is something absolutely satisfying about being
confident in your sexual techniques.
You might even say that it gives you the
confidence to loosen up and have fun with your sex.
However, all the
advanced masterbation techniques, G Spot lovemaking techniques and Tantra
techniques in the world aren't going to make you a better lover if you can't
loosen up, feel and express love and have fun!
The secret to being the
best lover is not to worry so much about your techniques, but rather to be open,
mentally and emotionally flexible, loving - and enjoy your love making and sex
as much as possible.
Yes, that's right ... enjoyment. Your honest, true,
unadulterated enjoyment is a primary key in how to have great sex. The more you
can allow yourself to enjoy sex and feel pleasure, the better the sex becomes
for your partner, too.
If you can relax, accept yourself, loosen up, and
learn to enjoy your partner, you will find that your sex will be absolutely
mind-shattering and will blow his or her socks off.
This is in contrast
to you focusing on pleasuring your partner. Oh, dear, we're really going out on
a limb here, aren't we?
Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with
learning some great love making techniques and focusing on giving your partner
the best sex ever. In fact you SHOULD do this - every once in a while.
Particularly if you can do so in a relaxed, playful, flexible way.
take my word for it, you will also want to VARY it - with YOU letting go,
relaxing, receiving and enjoying every last bit of the sensual and sexual bliss
that two (or more) people can produce when they get together to have sex.
When YOU relax, let go and enjoy yourself, then you automatically make room
for your partner to do the same. The higher YOUR level of enjoyment is, the
higher the enjoyment level of your partner will be - automatically.
That's what sex is - a sharing. You share the openness, the love, the fun and
Now that doesn't mean that you can't learn a few love
making techniques, as these techniques will help you to gain confidence in your
ability to make a woman or man feel good. Below you will find a few techniques
that can help you become the best lover possible …
Techniques: Kissing Techniques
Many people watch the old movies with actors
like Charlton Heston or Richard Burton and see the hero pull the woman into a
crushing embrace while he (quite literally) smothers her with his kiss.
Some folks find that the kissing techniques in their favorite TV show involve a
lot of tongue and open mouth kissing, and they try it only to find that their
partner (or they themselves) don't actually like it.
techniques are actually quite simple to learn, as are French kissing techniques.
Want to be a better kisser? Here are some things to keep in mind:
flexible and FEEL your way forward - It takes two to kiss. These two people (of
which you are one) are creating an experience together - kissing is a joint
effort. So be a bit playful and explorative, but be VERY sensitive to your
partner's reactions so you can adjust what you're doing accordingly.
Reciprocate - Remember that your partner has something that he or she likes, and
they will usually kiss you in that way. Want to be a good kisser? Kiss them how
they kiss you!
• Grip - A great way to add some passion to the kiss is to
hold their face or head in your hands. (A nice little secret is to run your
hands through their hair, giving their scalp a little massage (either with long,
firm but sensitive strokes or soft, playful touches). However, don't crush their
face into yours, but hold gently for extra passion. And remember, some people
react aversely to this; if that's your partner, don't press the issue, but
settle for a soft hand at the back of their neck or even just a butterfly touch
of your hand on their forehead or cheek.
• Alternate - Don't ONLY use
your lips to suck on theirs, and don't only run your tongue wildly around their
mouth. The secret to being a good kisser is changing things up, using gentle
nibbles to contrast soft kisses, or using your tongue to contrast firmer kisses.
Again, be sensitive to your partner's reactions and FEEL your way forward.
• Avoid - Don't lock your jaw in place as you kiss, but feel free to move
around and be flexible with your kissing. Don't stick your tongue down their
throat, but keep the use of the tongue to general tongue-fencing without going
too deep. Unless your partner encourages you (with his or her reactions) to go
deep, of course ...
Doesn't sound all that simple, huh? But in reality it
It's all about being present while you kiss. How to be a great
kisser is ... 30 percent 'follow your own bliss', 30 percent 'sense what the
other person likes', 30 percent 'play around and have fun' and 10 percent 'who
knows what'! Or something pretty close to that.
With a bit of practice,
you can become the best kisser in the world if you follow these tips.
Many people hear the words
"Kama Sutra" or "Tantra" and they think of amazing love making techniques that
will help them to blow the mind of their partner.
In reality, Tantra
techniques are very much about preparing for sex so that you can have
mind-blowing sex when it comes time to "perform live".
With Tantra you
aren't doing any strange positions; that is Kama Sutra's field. Tantric
techniques are all about improving your sex, and here are a few Tantric sex
techniques for you:
• Pelvic floor exercises - Exercising your PC muscles
(the ones around your genitals) by alternately contracting and relaxing them a
number of times several times a day will help you to control your orgasm and
hold it off longer. Training your pelvic floor muscles also has the potential to
give you bigger and longer orgasms. (As well as helping you avoid incontinence).
This is true for both men and women.
• Pressure points on the man - On
the male body there are two pressure points you can use to stave off ejaculation
The first one is squeezing the top or tip of the penis as
the man is nearly orgasming or ejaculating. This will help to send the blood
back down the shaft and for some people it helps them hold off orgasm and/or
ejaculation. For some folks tugging gently on the testicles can do the same.
The second pressure point is below the testicles - about midways between the
scrotum and the anus. In some tantric traditions this is called something along
the lines of the Million Dollar Pressure Point. You apply firm pressure to this
point when the man is real close to orgasm (or ejaculation, as it were), and it
actually stops the ejaculation, but not necessarily the orgasm. (No, orgasm and
ejaculation are NOT the same thing!)
If you do it just right the man can
actually have an orgasm without ejaculating. This type of orgasm will not tire
him out nearly as much as the sperm-squirting type does. If you do it too late
or a tiny bit wrong somehow, the sperm just 'goes the other way around' and ends
up in the bladder - which is still an ejaculation, and likely to tire him out
almost as much as a regular ejaculation does.
The sperm in the bladder is
not a problem as such, but it is also not the same as holding off the
ejaculation all together, whilst still getting the orgasm. (How to know if this
has happened? After sex the man will notice that his urine is less clear than
usual - that's because it contains sperm).
• Changing sex positions is
one of the best ways to give a woman a number of different types of orgasms, as
the penetration feels different and thus causes a different reaction each time.
At the same time the interruption is likely to allow the man some space - so he
does NOT ejaculate too soon. This is one of the most simple of the love making
techniques, but also one of the most effective ones. Just don't overdo it by
CONSTANTLY changing sex positions - allow some time in each position so you both
get to feel the pleasure of it for a while.
• Breathe! Did you know
breathing correctly can not only speed up or delay an orgasm, but can also help
to make your orgasms feel better? Using Tantra techniques to help you breathe
the right way will be a great way for both of you to enjoy sex much more. Do
some experimentation in this area, it'll be fun.
Tantric sex techniques
aren't something that you need to study, but it will take some practice to
prepare your body for great sex.
There are many masterbation techniques that you can learn, both
for men and for women.
(Yes, I know that the correct way of spelling it
would be 'masturbation techniques', but in the US the word 'masterbation' is
rapidly pushing out the word 'masturbation' in daily use).
Most men are
quite adept at their self-manipulation, and a number of women start masturbating
from a very young age. However, mutual masturbation is much more difficult than
doing it to yourself, so practicing a few masterbation techniques can help you
to get better at bringing your partner to a powerful orgasm.
at both some female masterbation techniques and some male masterbation
Female Masterbation Techniques
Many of the female masterbation techniques are fairly simple, but there are a
few advanced masterbation techniques that you can "master" (pun intended) fairly
• Clitoris stimulation
- This is a very sensitive spot, but
massaging it lightly can help to enhance the pleasure significantly. Some women
cannot orgasm with only clitoral stimulation and require penetration as well,
while other women cannot orgasm without clitoral stimulation. Rub the clit very
gently with moist fingers to make things a lot better for her. Try many
different ways of touching to see what feels the best for her.
Stimulation of the female G Spot
- The G Spot can be found approx. a short
finger's length inside her vagina, and G Spot lovemaking techniques are some of
the best. Put one or two moist fingers inside her with your palm facing upwards
(towards her tummy/belly button), and bend your fingers as if you are beckoning
her to 'come here' (or: "cum" if you like). Move your fingers a bit in and out
as you do this. Try different rhythms of penetration, directions of bending your
fingers, speeds, and pressures to find out exactly what she likes.
- It takes a bit of practice, but 'getting' both the clitoris and
the G Spot can be done; either with two hands, or with one hand at the G spot
and your tongue on her clitoris. If you can do it, you can bet that she will go
crazy beneath your hands.
• Sex Toys
- Don't count out sex toys just
because they seem strange or kind of 'alien'. Try something as simple as a
little vibrator to massage her clitoris (or anywhere else she'd like to have it,
including her anus) while you are having sex (either you hold it or she holds it
herself), and you might be surprised to find that sex toys can make things a lot
Male Masterbation Techniques
masterbation techniques are usually fairly simple, as they basically involve a
lot of rubbing until the man reaches an orgasm. However, don't be surprised if
it takes a long time this way, but using sneaky tricks like the prostate massage
techniques can be the best way to go.
Massaging the prostate can be quite
simple, as all you need to do is press gently on the skin between the underside
of the man's testicles and his anus. It isn't dirty, but it actually helps to
"speed things up" amazingly, as the man's prostate is very sensitive. Using a
simple prostate massage technique like this can make it much better for the man.
One thing to keep in mind when learning about male masterbation techniques
is that moisture is the most important thing. As you are rubbing the man's
penis, the penis itself naturally produces some moisture. However, within a
minute or two, that moisture is going to dry up due to exposure to the air. If
you don't re-moisten, you may end up rubbing the man raw, and it can be very
uncomfortable for a man to have a dry penis masturbated.
Cunnilingus: the 'lost' art of
the tongue. Many people find that oral sex is the most enjoyable way to bring a
woman to orgasm, as one of the smallest body parts is being used to cause the
entire body to shake with pleasure.
There are few things more satisfying
than seeing your woman have a powerful orgasm due to your little tongue, so here
are some cunnilingus techniques to help you harness the power of the tongue
• Round and Round
- The up and down technique is usually going to
be easier, but it may get dull after a while. Try going around the clitoris, as
that will help to stimulate the very sensitive body part from all sides.
• Point and Lick
- Many guys fail to use their tongue properly, and they
focus on just licking it. However, using the point of your tongue to flick
lightly over the clit (just like you do with the nipples) is a great way to make
her feel it. Combine the two types of tongue contact to make her writhe with
• Top and Bottom
- Remember that the top surface of your tongue
has lots of tiny bumps, while the underside is smooth. Use both sides of your
tongue to change things up as you give it a lick.
• Cold and Hot
- Most women dislike cold on their sensitive areas, but a cold tongue can bring a
surprising jolt to their bodies. Take a swig of a cold drink, and use your
tongue. Afterwards, take a swing of a hot drink to heat up the parts nicely.
• Nibble and Blow
- It can be surprising how sensitive the clitoris can be,
and many women find that a gentle breeze can set their bodies shivering. However,
a gentle nibble (very gentle!) and a bit of sucking on the clitoris can also
• In and Out
- Don't forget that your tongue can be made
fairly hard, and it works like a tiny, flexible penis that you can use to lick
inside her vagina. You can bend it upwards to hit the G spot as you go in and
• Around and Under
- Just because you are focusing on the clitoris,
that doesn't mean you have to stay stuck to that area. Try licking around the
clitoris, running your tongue around the vagina lips and around the hole of the
vaginal canal. Lick right beneath the clitoris and vagina to drive her wild.
The secret to oral success is flexibility. Read her moods, find out what is
working, and be willing to change things up.
There are very few guaranteed orgasm
techniques, as every man and woman is very different and the way they reach
orgasm is also very different. Here are a few female orgasm techniques for you:
• Rather than going directly in and out, lift your body weight directly
upwards and thrust down to stimulate the clitoris. You can also sway your hips
from side to side, which changes the angle of penetration.
• One thing
that many women enjoy is a pillow under the hips, as it elevates their body and
makes it easier for the penis to get good penetration. If you want to spice
things up even further, place one hand under her bottom and use it to lift her
slightly off the bed (you have to be strong enough to hold yourself up with one
hand) as you thrust into her.
• Good kissing + oral sex + proper
penetration = orgasm.
• Consider lubrication to help make the sex better.
Many women can't orgasm as they feel their private parts are being rubbed raw.
Using a bit of lube will help everything feel better.
• Why not sex toys?
They don't make you less of a man, but they certainly help her to enjoy her
pleasure a lot more.
Sex can always be fun, and it doesn't have to be
difficult. Using the tricks above, you can help her to reach that climax as
often as possible.
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