Some Sexual Techniques for You

Technique isn't quite as important you may think, but in order for you and your love partner to have a satisfying sexual love life you both need to acquire a certain level of skill.

The very best way to get that is by trial and error. Please note those two words, because they're BOTH important: TRIAL and ERROR. You need them both! In other words: You need to try your hand at love making and sex, you need to play with it and have lots of fun. Apart from having a partner to do this with the primary requirements are actually openness, acceptance and a playful attitude.

Many people (men especially) spend so much time working on their love making techniques, worrying whether their kissing techniques are right, and trying to improve their orgasm techniques that they fail to remember what sex is really all about: fun and love.

Love is something we all know and feel is important, sure, but ... "Fun?" you may ask. "Sex is all about making the other person have an orgasm and blowing their minds with my amazing sexual prowess and crazy tantric techniques!"

Well, no, it isn't.

Sorry to burst your bubble (if indeed I did that). Sex is, at the most fundamental level, about opening up to expressing and sharing love whilst having great fun and experiencing great pleasure.

The pleasure is a function of love and fun, not the other way around.

The truth is that the very common belief that sex techniques are the most important thing is - to put it plainly - wrong. What I mean by sex techniques are things such as: French kissing techniques, G Spot lovemaking techniques, tantric sex techniques, masterbation techniques, cunnilingus techniques and many, many more.

Don't mistake me when I say that the sexual techniques aren't the most important thing; they are pretty important. Sex techniques are great, and if you master one or more of them, you will be able to give your partner - and yourself! - so much more pleasure.

It is wonderful to be able to have sex with a man or woman and know that you can give them (or at least their body) the time of their life, almost every single time. There is something absolutely satisfying about being confident in your sexual techniques.
You might even say that it gives you the confidence to loosen up and have fun with your sex.

However, all the advanced masterbation techniques, G Spot lovemaking techniques and Tantra techniques in the world aren't going to make you a better lover if you can't loosen up, feel and express love and have fun!

The secret to being the best lover is not to worry so much about your techniques, but rather to be open, mentally and emotionally flexible, loving - and enjoy your love making and sex as much as possible.

Yes, that's right ... enjoyment. Your honest, true, unadulterated enjoyment is a primary key in how to have great sex. The more you can allow yourself to enjoy sex and feel pleasure, the better the sex becomes for your partner, too.

If you can relax, accept yourself, loosen up, and learn to enjoy your partner, you will find that your sex will be absolutely mind-shattering and will blow his or her socks off.

This is in contrast to you focusing on pleasuring your partner. Oh, dear, we're really going out on a limb here, aren't we?

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with learning some great love making techniques and focusing on giving your partner the best sex ever. In fact you SHOULD do this - every once in a while. Particularly if you can do so in a relaxed, playful, flexible way.

But, take my word for it, you will also want to VARY it - with YOU letting go, relaxing, receiving and enjoying every last bit of the sensual and sexual bliss that two (or more) people can produce when they get together to have sex.

When YOU relax, let go and enjoy yourself, then you automatically make room for your partner to do the same. The higher YOUR level of enjoyment is, the higher the enjoyment level of your partner will be - automatically.

That's what sex is - a sharing. You share the openness, the love, the fun and the pleasure.

Now that doesn't mean that you can't learn a few love making techniques, as these techniques will help you to gain confidence in your ability to make a woman or man feel good. Below you will find a few techniques that can help you become the best lover possible …

Love Making Techniques: Kissing Techniques

Many people watch the old movies with actors like Charlton Heston or Richard Burton and see the hero pull the woman into a crushing embrace while he (quite literally) smothers her with his kiss.

Some folks find that the kissing techniques in their favorite TV show involve a lot of tongue and open mouth kissing, and they try it only to find that their partner (or they themselves) don't actually like it.

Basic kissing techniques are actually quite simple to learn, as are French kissing techniques. Want to be a better kisser? Here are some things to keep in mind:

• Be flexible and FEEL your way forward - It takes two to kiss. These two people (of which you are one) are creating an experience together - kissing is a joint effort. So be a bit playful and explorative, but be VERY sensitive to your partner's reactions so you can adjust what you're doing accordingly.

• Reciprocate - Remember that your partner has something that he or she likes, and they will usually kiss you in that way. Want to be a good kisser? Kiss them how they kiss you!

• Grip - A great way to add some passion to the kiss is to hold their face or head in your hands. (A nice little secret is to run your hands through their hair, giving their scalp a little massage (either with long, firm but sensitive strokes or soft, playful touches). However, don't crush their face into yours, but hold gently for extra passion. And remember, some people react aversely to this; if that's your partner, don't press the issue, but settle for a soft hand at the back of their neck or even just a butterfly touch of your hand on their forehead or cheek.

• Alternate - Don't ONLY use your lips to suck on theirs, and don't only run your tongue wildly around their mouth. The secret to being a good kisser is changing things up, using gentle nibbles to contrast soft kisses, or using your tongue to contrast firmer kisses. Again, be sensitive to your partner's reactions and FEEL your way forward.

• Avoid - Don't lock your jaw in place as you kiss, but feel free to move around and be flexible with your kissing. Don't stick your tongue down their throat, but keep the use of the tongue to general tongue-fencing without going too deep. Unless your partner encourages you (with his or her reactions) to go deep, of course ...

Doesn't sound all that simple, huh? But in reality it is …

It's all about being present while you kiss. How to be a great kisser is ... 30 percent 'follow your own bliss', 30 percent 'sense what the other person likes', 30 percent 'play around and have fun' and 10 percent 'who knows what'! Or something pretty close to that.

With a bit of practice, you can become the best kisser in the world if you follow these tips.

Tantra Techniques

Many people hear the words "Kama Sutra" or "Tantra" and they think of amazing love making techniques that will help them to blow the mind of their partner.

In reality, Tantra techniques are very much about preparing for sex so that you can have mind-blowing sex when it comes time to "perform live".

With Tantra you aren't doing any strange positions; that is Kama Sutra's field. Tantric techniques are all about improving your sex, and here are a few Tantric sex techniques for you:

• Pelvic floor exercises - Exercising your PC muscles (the ones around your genitals) by alternately contracting and relaxing them a number of times several times a day will help you to control your orgasm and hold it off longer. Training your pelvic floor muscles also has the potential to give you bigger and longer orgasms. (As well as helping you avoid incontinence). This is true for both men and women.

• Pressure points on the man - On the male body there are two pressure points you can use to stave off ejaculation and/or orgasm.

The first one is squeezing the top or tip of the penis as the man is nearly orgasming or ejaculating. This will help to send the blood back down the shaft and for some people it helps them hold off orgasm and/or ejaculation. For some folks tugging gently on the testicles can do the same.

The second pressure point is below the testicles - about midways between the scrotum and the anus. In some tantric traditions this is called something along the lines of the Million Dollar Pressure Point. You apply firm pressure to this point when the man is real close to orgasm (or ejaculation, as it were), and it actually stops the ejaculation, but not necessarily the orgasm. (No, orgasm and ejaculation are NOT the same thing!)

If you do it just right the man can actually have an orgasm without ejaculating. This type of orgasm will not tire him out nearly as much as the sperm-squirting type does. If you do it too late or a tiny bit wrong somehow, the sperm just 'goes the other way around' and ends up in the bladder - which is still an ejaculation, and likely to tire him out almost as much as a regular ejaculation does.

The sperm in the bladder is not a problem as such, but it is also not the same as holding off the ejaculation all together, whilst still getting the orgasm. (How to know if this has happened? After sex the man will notice that his urine is less clear than usual - that's because it contains sperm).

• Changing sex positions is one of the best ways to give a woman a number of different types of orgasms, as the penetration feels different and thus causes a different reaction each time. At the same time the interruption is likely to allow the man some space - so he does NOT ejaculate too soon. This is one of the most simple of the love making techniques, but also one of the most effective ones. Just don't overdo it by CONSTANTLY changing sex positions - allow some time in each position so you both get to feel the pleasure of it for a while.

• Breathe! Did you know breathing correctly can not only speed up or delay an orgasm, but can also help to make your orgasms feel better? Using Tantra techniques to help you breathe the right way will be a great way for both of you to enjoy sex much more. Do some experimentation in this area, it'll be fun.

Tantric sex techniques aren't something that you need to study, but it will take some practice to prepare your body for great sex.

Masterbation Techniques

There are many masterbation techniques that you can learn, both for men and for women.

(Yes, I know that the correct way of spelling it would be 'masturbation techniques', but in the US the word 'masterbation' is rapidly pushing out the word 'masturbation' in daily use).

Most men are quite adept at their self-manipulation, and a number of women start masturbating from a very young age. However, mutual masturbation is much more difficult than doing it to yourself, so practicing a few masterbation techniques can help you to get better at bringing your partner to a powerful orgasm.

Let's look at both some female masterbation techniques and some male masterbation techniques ...

Female Masterbation Techniques

Many of the female masterbation techniques are fairly simple, but there are a few advanced masterbation techniques that you can "master" (pun intended) fairly easily:

Clitoris stimulation - This is a very sensitive spot, but massaging it lightly can help to enhance the pleasure significantly. Some women cannot orgasm with only clitoral stimulation and require penetration as well, while other women cannot orgasm without clitoral stimulation. Rub the clit very gently with moist fingers to make things a lot better for her. Try many different ways of touching to see what feels the best for her.

Stimulation of the female G Spot - The G Spot can be found approx. a short finger's length inside her vagina, and G Spot lovemaking techniques are some of the best. Put one or two moist fingers inside her with your palm facing upwards (towards her tummy/belly button), and bend your fingers as if you are beckoning her to 'come here' (or: "cum" if you like). Move your fingers a bit in and out as you do this. Try different rhythms of penetration, directions of bending your fingers, speeds, and pressures to find out exactly what she likes.

The Double Whammy - It takes a bit of practice, but 'getting' both the clitoris and the G Spot can be done; either with two hands, or with one hand at the G spot and your tongue on her clitoris. If you can do it, you can bet that she will go crazy beneath your hands.

Sex Toys - Don't count out sex toys just because they seem strange or kind of 'alien'. Try something as simple as a little vibrator to massage her clitoris (or anywhere else she'd like to have it, including her anus) while you are having sex (either you hold it or she holds it herself), and you might be surprised to find that sex toys can make things a lot better.

Male Masterbation Techniques

Male masterbation techniques are usually fairly simple, as they basically involve a lot of rubbing until the man reaches an orgasm. However, don't be surprised if it takes a long time this way, but using sneaky tricks like the prostate massage techniques can be the best way to go.

Massaging the prostate can be quite simple, as all you need to do is press gently on the skin between the underside of the man's testicles and his anus. It isn't dirty, but it actually helps to "speed things up" amazingly, as the man's prostate is very sensitive. Using a simple prostate massage technique like this can make it much better for the man.

One thing to keep in mind when learning about male masterbation techniques is that moisture is the most important thing. As you are rubbing the man's penis, the penis itself naturally produces some moisture. However, within a minute or two, that moisture is going to dry up due to exposure to the air. If you don't re-moisten, you may end up rubbing the man raw, and it can be very uncomfortable for a man to have a dry penis masturbated.

Cunnilingus Techniques

Cunnilingus: the 'lost' art of the tongue. Many people find that oral sex is the most enjoyable way to bring a woman to orgasm, as one of the smallest body parts is being used to cause the entire body to shake with pleasure.

There are few things more satisfying than seeing your woman have a powerful orgasm due to your little tongue, so here are some cunnilingus techniques to help you harness the power of the tongue wisely:

Round and Round - The up and down technique is usually going to be easier, but it may get dull after a while. Try going around the clitoris, as that will help to stimulate the very sensitive body part from all sides.

Point and Lick - Many guys fail to use their tongue properly, and they focus on just licking it. However, using the point of your tongue to flick lightly over the clit (just like you do with the nipples) is a great way to make her feel it. Combine the two types of tongue contact to make her writhe with pleasure.

Top and Bottom - Remember that the top surface of your tongue has lots of tiny bumps, while the underside is smooth. Use both sides of your tongue to change things up as you give it a lick.

Cold and Hot - Most women dislike cold on their sensitive areas, but a cold tongue can bring a surprising jolt to their bodies. Take a swig of a cold drink, and use your tongue. Afterwards, take a swing of a hot drink to heat up the parts nicely.

Nibble and Blow - It can be surprising how sensitive the clitoris can be, and many women find that a gentle breeze can set their bodies shivering. However, a gentle nibble (very gentle!) and a bit of sucking on the clitoris can also feel amazing.

In and Out - Don't forget that your tongue can be made fairly hard, and it works like a tiny, flexible penis that you can use to lick inside her vagina. You can bend it upwards to hit the G spot as you go in and out.

Around and Under - Just because you are focusing on the clitoris, that doesn't mean you have to stay stuck to that area. Try licking around the clitoris, running your tongue around the vagina lips and around the hole of the vaginal canal. Lick right beneath the clitoris and vagina to drive her wild.

The secret to oral success is flexibility. Read her moods, find out what is working, and be willing to change things up.

Orgasm Techniques

There are very few guaranteed orgasm techniques, as every man and woman is very different and the way they reach orgasm is also very different. Here are a few female orgasm techniques for you:

• Rather than going directly in and out, lift your body weight directly upwards and thrust down to stimulate the clitoris. You can also sway your hips from side to side, which changes the angle of penetration.

• One thing that many women enjoy is a pillow under the hips, as it elevates their body and makes it easier for the penis to get good penetration. If you want to spice things up even further, place one hand under her bottom and use it to lift her slightly off the bed (you have to be strong enough to hold yourself up with one hand) as you thrust into her.

• Good kissing + oral sex + proper penetration = orgasm.

• Consider lubrication to help make the sex better. Many women can't orgasm as they feel their private parts are being rubbed raw. Using a bit of lube will help everything feel better.

• Why not sex toys? They don't make you less of a man, but they certainly help her to enjoy her pleasure a lot more.

Sex can always be fun, and it doesn't have to be difficult. Using the tricks above, you can help her to reach that climax as often as possible.

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