Surviving a Long Distance Relationship
"Missing someone gets easier everyday because even though you are one day further from the last time you saw them, you are one day closer to the next time you will."
Being in relationships is hard work. Being in long distance relationships is even harder, period.
If someone had asked me back when I was in my 20s if I’d consider being a long distance relationship, I’d have flatly refused. However, as I have grown older I have realized that while long distance relationships are tough for the mind and the heart, they can be made to work if only we know how to.
This shift in attitude can be attributed to the fact that I have grown mature as I have grown older (how many of you can claim to be wiser as the numbers add up to your years!!) as well as to having access to information that can help guide you through this new phase in your life.
Now you must be thinking what am I doing here? What makes me such an expert at long distance relationships? Well, I can only say that I have been in your shoes twice now, and I have made several mistakes, learnt several lessons and kind of discovered ways and means to survive long distance relationships.
And now I want to share my secrets, advice and tips with you as part of the surviving a long distance relationship guide and help you achieve a state of equilibrium and happiness.
Let’s start now…
When in a relationship, we need to be able to resolve conflicts quickly, without letting the hurt fester. This is definitely easier when you and your partner are in a local relationship and can see each other’s facial expressions.
Nevertheless, no need to lose heart, I believe mobile phones, texts, emails, video chats, etc are the next best ways to communicate…though they leave a lot to be desired. The chances of miscommunication are a lot more using such technologies, than when you can talk face to face.
So what’s the solution? Video chat came to our rescue. I suggest you use it too. It’s the next best thing than being together in person. Better still, try some phone sex, it can really alleviate all the yearning and loneliness and sadness. Plus, it will strengthen your LDR!
Did you know the other most common cause for demise of long distance relationships is the lack of trust?
With increasing personal independence (which is a direct outcome of living separate lives), your lives will change as will the roles you play in the other’s life. New friends and encounters will become part of both your daily lives, and may lead to one of you becoming insecure or jealous. Jealously often leads to a whole lot of negative feelings and can make you confrontational, resentful, and eventually kill all the love leading to the end of the relationship.
The best way to ensure that jealousy doesn’t affect your relationship is to prepare both yourselves for these changes right at the onset and to make a commit to trust your partner and stay trustworthy for him/her.
Remember, the key is to grow as individuals while still keeping the long distance relationship love alive. Being honest with each other is the only way to make it happen.
Surviving a long distance relationship is easy if you have a plan in place.
A good long distance relationship plan should have goals like daily and timely communication either over the phone, via texts, emails, or any other way. You can fix up a time every night to video chat with your partner and talk about each other’s day among other things. This will help you strengthen your relationship as well as allow you a good night’s sleep.
Also, lack of physical intimacy is a big issue for many couples in long distance relationships. It’s
easy to give in to temptations and cheat on your partner.
However, don’t cheat,
and if you do don’t lie about it. It’s better to accept your mistake straight
up, rather than have your partner find out through a third party. Spice up your
love life with clandestine and surprise visits, as well as enjoy regular virtual
dates where you play online games or participate in a new fun activity every so
often, while also keeping some time aside for phone or virtual sex. It may be awkward in the beginning, but trust me; with time you’ll shed your inhibitions and shyness and not just enjoy these sessions but also look forward to them! Why let distance dim the spark of love and excitement…after all, you have already agreed to mutually deal with the changes and as long as you are together you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Sure, you can continue to believe that love is enough to tide over every obstacle and difficulty, but I suggest not letting your long distance relationship dawdle in this state of flux for a long period of time and mutually work on a ‘getting-back-together’ plan as soon as viable.
Long Distance Relationship Advice
"We are the perfect couple; we're just not in the perfect situation."
Nothing can sum up long distance relationships better than the above quote! Situations are, almost, never perfect. They need to be perfected as per the need of the hour.
Long distance relationships are no different from regular relationships in the sense that it’s all about using your instincts to make the best decisions that are right for you and your partner.
Keep going…keep on going!
I believe there are three things that are most crucial to keeping any relationship healthy and happy. These three things must never be compromised upon and however tough the phase, remember they will ensure that despite the overwhelming distance, love will prevail in the end making it all really worth the risk.
These 3 important LDR ingredients, according to me, are – personal freedom, mutual commitment, and excellent communication.
Where there is a mutual willingness to make things work, love will succeed despite all obstacles.
Don’t let the romance die.
Distance means very little, when he/she means everything to you. Keep the flame of love and passion burning brightly to scare away the darkness! Falling in love is hard on the knees like Aerosmith said so rightly. But it is also one of the most wonderful feelings in the world. The key is to FEEL the romance, the love, even when several hundred of miles drive you apart.
Find newer and interesting ways to express your love for your partner. Make him/her feel special…think different…get creative. It’s possible you may not strike the right note with every attempt, but ultimately, it’s the thought that counts right?
Life is all about living each moment without worrying about the next one. It’s about feeling the love, the happiness, and to celebrate the togetherness now, at this very moment. Fill your mind with wonderful memories to chronicle one of the best periods of your life.
Long Distance Relationship Tips
"Distance is to love like wind is to fire...it extinguishes the small and kindles the great!"
Well, make your love relationship work despite the miles that keep the two of you apart is all about making mistakes and learning from them. Having made some mistakes of my own, I can safely give you some tips that have helped me strengthen my long distance relationship.
Surprise Him/her!
One of the best ways to keep your relationship fresh and strong is to surprise each other.
Visit your lover on his/her birthday, without informing them beforehand. Or, send them a web clip with a loving and passionate message, or send them something they have really wanted but haven’t had the time to pick up on their own.
Surprises can become the highlight of any relationship because they spell – ‘I care for you, think about you’ like nothing else. So use your creativity to come up with some novel surprises for your partner and remember not to overdo it as the novelty will wear off.
Don’t Assume!
Lay the ground rules right at the start. Explain to your partner what is important to you and why it is important.
Always being straightforward with him/her will ensure that you don’t assume that he/she should know your feelings. Instead, share them, talk about them, and express yourself with as much clarity as possible.
If you can’t talk about your feelings, insecurities, desires, and needs with your partner your relationship won’t succeed.
Don’t STOP Living Your Life!
It’s common for people to wrap up their lives after their partner leaves. If you’re guilty of doing this, STOP!
One of the most important long distance relationship tips I can give you is to never stop being who you are or to give up on your entire life including friends, interests etc. Being so completely dependent on your partner will stunt your own growth and sooner than later bring chaos in your relationship!
My long distance relationship advice to you is to not lose sight of the purpose of your life and use this gap time as an opportunity to achieve your goals with complete focus.
Long distance relationships require time and effort to make them work. But what’s a few hundred of miles in the face of true love and strong determination to survive this temporary departure?
Remember, "If you're in love with somebody, you will swim the stream, you will climb the mountain, you will slay the dragon..." as Dr. Phil suggests so optimistically.
So people keep the faith and stay true to your own feelings…and yes, best of luck!
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