• Worried about how to look good naked? You are not alone!
• The Personal Development Guy has several clients who worry like that.
• Learn what the two most important things are; plus ...
• Get a batch of high level answers and some self esteem help.
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Repeat Performance:
Different Person - Same Personal Nightmare
Just the other day, it happened again. I did a coaching session with someone, and we uncovered that this person is highly self conscious about the body. And no, I don't mean conscious of the naked human body in any good way, I mean self conscious as in shame and guilt and low self esteem.
Guess the gender of the person involved?
This is actually one of those questions that make you think, though not in the way that I usually ask them, because in this case what will make you think is not so much the question; it is also not so much the answer; rather, it is the ease with which you will guess the answer. So, what was your answer - was this a man or a woman?
Yes, you are right. It was a woman.
I admit that it might have been a man, but the odds that it was a woman were overwhelming.
Sheila's Looks, Her Wants and Her Problem
This woman, let's call her Sheila, was tall, blonde, blue eyed and slender (which is actually skinny in my eyes) with regular, friendly facial features and trim but still distinctly female curves. I can almost hear you grumbling and murmuring something along the lines of 'If she looks like that, what's the matter with her then?'
The same thing that is the matter with any number of women today in a large number of cultures around the globe. Including you, perhaps, if you are a woman. In fact, it may also include you if you are a man. This is what it is:
Delusion.
A delusion of non-grandeur. Based in non-consciousness.
Sheila Needed Low Self Esteem Help
- or Just to See the Truth
Calling it low self esteem doesn't really help, because that's just putting a label on it which doesn't tell us how to deal with it. So for now I'm just going to stick with the nice phrase that she suffered from a delusion of non-grandeur based in non-consciousness.
So, having discovered this, we played around with it for a bit and discovered new things about it. It turned out that she actually loved sexual intimacy and also loved to look at her sexual partners naked, but could not for the life of her stand the fact that they could look right back at her.
So she mostly made love with the lights off, or, at least turned down very low. And so, one of the things she really, REALLY wanted to know was this:
How to look good naked?
Well, how do you do that - how do you manage to look good even without your clothes and (possibly) your make up on? If you ask me, there's a very simple answer to that. I will give you three versions of this simple answer and then add several other possibilities as well.
The First and Most Basic Answer to
How to Look Good Naked
The first, simplest and most annoying answer to how to look good naked is this:
Just take off your clothes.
Before you tell me that this is a non-answer let me tell you that I love and enjoy watching the naked human body. No matter what it looks like. Young, old; skinny, fat; male, female ... it doesn't matter, I love it all. I MUCH prefer seeing people naked to seeing them with their clothes on. It is just so much more honest and authentic.
I would have loved for nakedness to be the next hot - and lasting - fashion trend.
Only, in my home country of Denmark (in Scandinavia, Northern Europe) this fashion will probably never be 'hot' seeing as how the climate is so disturbingly cold. My guess would be that there would be about two or three weeks, tops, scattered in random days during the peak of summer when the temperature would allow us to go stark naked if that's what we wanted. So - sadly - not gonna happen.
However, I am not the only person who feels that nakedness is basically more attractive to look at than clothes and make up. I have spoken to many people who feel the same. And yes, like me they are well aware that we all look different depending on race, gender, age, etc. They, like me, do not judge our bodies negatively - just the opposite.
The point? Naked equals open and honest. And when it comes right down to it, most people dig openness and honesty - but we will get back to that.
Meanwhile, let's ask the question again and expand the answer (to how to look good naked) a bit.
Relaxation as an Answer to
How to Look Good Naked
Here's the slightly expanded version of the answer to how to look good naked:
Just take off your clothes and relax.
Relaxation is a shortcut to letting down your defences and being authentic - and being defence-free and authentic are some of most attractive things you can be.
This is true no matter who you are and what your body looks like. But we will get back to that, too.
Please ... Don't Suck in Your Tummy
Relaxing also means that you do not attempt to edit or change your physical looks when you undress.
In the Western culture where being decidedly skinny (or slender as it is sometimes euphemistically called) is presently viewed as attractive there is a tendency for both women and men to want to suck in their stomach when naked in the presence of others.
In answer to how to look good naked, please do NOT do stuff like that - it will not make you attractive; just the opposite. It will make you look tense and awkward, and - worst of all - it will make you not-present. Absent.
Instead of being in your body you will attempt to be in the minds of the people surrounding you, trying to make sure they do not see you in what you think is an unflattering light. Let me assure you:
Being absent from your body is the last thing you will want to be if you want to look good naked.
Notes for Women on How to Look Good Naked - or Dressed - or Anywhere in Between
If you presently occupy a female body then you have boobs, a.k.a. tits or breasts. When you're naked do NOT try to only show these off from what you think is "the best angle"! Let them strut, hang or wobble, or whatever they do when you do what you do.
Just relax and enjoy having breasts - and let those who look at you enjoy your breasts, too, no matter how big or small, young or old, perky or sagging your boobs are!
Continuing with the female body, the same is true for your female hips, which, to ensure child birth, are SUPPOSED to be wide; it is also true for your tummy (stomach) and for your behind (a.k.a. your tush, arse, ass or booty).
As a Woman You're Supposed to Have Curves!
Both your tits, hips, tummy, thighs and arse are bigger than those of men. They are supposed to be, because they function as repositories of fat - a.k.a. energy in storage. In some cases these parts of your anatomy will be just a little bit bigger, in other cases they'll be a lot bigger.
Women need these energy depots because of their gender's unique ability to bear and feed children. This femininity of yours is something to celebrate, not something to be ashamed of or to want to change.
You already know this, of course, but you may only know it at an intellectual level, not at an emotional level. And you need to know it at the emotional level, too, if you are going to be okay with it.
Just a Friendly Piece of Advice: Go Easy - Real Easy - on the Make Up
I read about another survey recently (sorry, right this moment I don't recall where). The researchers had asked a lot of men what they think about the women they date wearing make up.
The answer, which surprised the researchers but not me, was that the men really preferred their women without make up.
I do SO agree! I like my woman the way she is. When I kiss my woman, or lick her cheek when we are making love, I certainly do not want my mouth full of foul tasting make up! Well, neither to the majority of other men, apparently.
A Robert De Niro Quote
To round off this, here is a funny quotation, attributed to the wonderful actor Robert de Niro:
"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
~ Robert De Niro ~
It's true, too! Us men, we are grateful for your nakedness no matter what you look like!
Okay, so, let's get the third and longest version of the answer to how to look good.
Relaxation and Joy as an Answer to
How to Look Good Naked
Now, this is one of the really powerful answers to the question of how to look good naked:
Just take off your clothes, relax and concentrate on enjoying whatever it is you're are doing.
How does this make you look good naked? Simple: The fact that you are relaxed and enjoying yourself makes you beautiful. Joy lights you up from the inside.
I sometimes call that inner light the light of life. It is always there, but not always visible, because we tend to put crap in the way of that light. With crap I mean fear based stuff. A lousy self image, for example. Or an assortment of other nasty, limiting beliefs.
Happily, there are ways out of all that crap so that the light of life can shine out through your body and make you even more beautiful than you are just by taking your clothes off. Simple ways that anyone can use. At any time.
Okay, not all of them will seem easy to everybody, but most people should be able to find at least one way that is relatively accessible to them. Here they are ...
Love as an Answer to
How to Look Good Naked
Have you ever noticed two people who are head over heels in love with each other? They get this sort of glow to them. Once you start noticing this, it is really obvious.
That's one example of the light of life - the light of life coming from unconditional love. (Being in love is a funny mix of unconditional and conditional love, you can read more about that in the self help article Love Tips).
Inner Peace as an Answer to
How to Look Good Naked
Certain spiritual teachers also have this special, peaceful feeling to them. That's another example of the light of life - coming from deep inner peace.
Happiness as an Answer to
How to Look Good Naked
People who feel truly happy have it, too. This is true even if their happiness is temporary. For as long as they feel honestly and truly happy they radiate their happiness out into the world around them. It can be quite contagious.
Freedom as an Answer to
How to Look Good Naked
It is the same with people who are so-called free spirits. These folks simply feel deeply and truly free, no matter what, and so the light of life shines through them.
Being Authentic as an Answer to
How to Look Good Naked
People who are being totally authentic also have it. That's all it takes: Being yourself. No frills and thrills, just you being you and doing you-things.
You-things are whatever it is you do when you are being who you really are - whatever comes naturally to you and which you love.
Finally, there's joy. Enjoy yourself, and you will shine. Simple as that.
Many Answers to the Question of
How to Look Good Naked
I am also sure that there are several other aspects of the light of life, too, which you can choose to be (i.e. embody): Spaciousness, for example, which you acquire by being accepting. Accept yourself, accept other people and accept life with as few reservations as you can. The fewer reservations you have the more you will shine.
By now you may have noticed a similarity between the answers above and what some folks call aspects of the soul. This isn't all that surprising, since the soul is an exponent of those precise qualities - at least the way I have experienced that aspect of myself which I choose to call my soul.
The soul is a part of what I call the light of life. (So are our bodies, egos, etc., of course, but the soul is by nature what you might call vibrationally close to the light of life - although that's story for another time. If you're interested in the human soul, I have written another blog entry called Sell Your Soul? which you might check out).
Conclusion:
The Two Most Important Aspects of
How to Look Good Naked
By now you may have deduced what the most important aspects in how to look good naked are.
The most important aspects in how to look good naked are:
a) being present in your body - no matter what that body is like, or looks like
b) allowing the light of life to shine out through your body - e.g. in the form of joy, inner peace, acceptance, love, happiness, feeling free or being authentic
If you can do those two things you WILL look good naked. I guarantee you that.
This is true whether you have a disability or not, whether you are tall or short, dark or fair, slender or voluptuous, male or female.
Will EVERY other person in the world find you attractive, then?
No. That's not likely to happen for anyone, ever. We all have differing tastes and preferences.
What being present in your body and allowing the light of life to shine through you WILL do - irregardless of your physical attributes - is MAXIMIZE the number of people who think you look good naked.
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