One Way Love - the Signs and Psychology of Unrequited Love
Learn to recognize the signs of one way love
Understand the
psychology of unrequited love ...
And the psychology of love obsession, too
Have a pattern of unreturned love? Break free!
Most people have experienced unrequited love at some point in their lives those strong feelings that you feel for someone ... you want them, you need them, you cannot live without them ... but unfortunately, they do not feel the same way.
You've probably tried that too, right? Unreturned love.
Whether it is a high school crush, admiration for a co-worker, or new feelings for a close friend, unrequited love often dies because most of us realize that we will likely not get the results we want, so we move on. Only, sometimes we don't. Or, we have a hard time moving on.
There are times when unrequited love can really affect your perception of the world and yourself and thus your self-esteem and your entire life experience.
Unreturned love can be consuming, crippling, and actually hinder your ability to live your life. Realizing that your feelings are not reciprocated can be hurtful, frustrating, or may even make you angry.
Well, it may be hard, but you can overcome, and you will reach a point where you look back with much greater understanding and revelation. This self improvement article aims to help you with that.
Natural Resistance to Change in Your One Way Love Life
You may not yet be in an emotional place where you want help or change or personal development in the area of your one way love. You might still be holding on in hope of reciprocation. If so, you can read this article as mere science fiction. But it's a useful kind of fiction, because when you do decide you want to move on, you will be better equipped to do so.There are a few things you must recognize and understand to successfully walk through the situation and prepare yourself to meet someone who will share your heart and return your love.
It is times like those you must remember that you are the creator of your own experiences you can choose to let unrequited one way love 'destroy' you or you can make the decision to use the situation as an opportunity for growth and self development.
It sounds good doesn't it? Very nice and mature and ideal.
But, if you are a 'victim' of unrequited love, you are probably thinking that the only way you will be satisfied is if the target of your affection suddenly realizes that you are the person of their dreams. Right?
But lighten up. Remember that you're not alone. Even the great philosopher, Charlie Brown, once said, "Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love."
Okay. Unrequited love is just no fun and all that stuff about personal development and self growth probably sounds like so much baloney. But hey, if that's you, and you're still reading this, well, maybe you're about ready to move on - if only someone can tell you what you need to do that.
So, let's work on it.
What This Self Improvement Article Will Help You With
There are a few things to become aware of and realize, so let's take it from the beginning with the signs, move through to middle where you understand what's going on and end up at the point where you actually improve your life experience in practice. Let's do it in these 3 steps: Recognize the symptoms or signs of unrequited love / one way love
Understand the reasons for unrequited love / one way love
- which is what this self improvement article is all about. I have described the third step in a 'sister article' (part 2 so to speak) here:
Learn how to deal with or recover from unrequited love / one way love
What Are the Symptoms / Signs of One Way Love?
Here's the simplest way to find out if your love is one way love: Ask the other person. Yep, that's right. Simply ask. Then you will know.Of course you may very well be afraid to ask, so let's look at making a layman's 'diagnosis' of your particular 'condition'. Maybe you will recognize the signs of unrequited one way love.
Now, unrequited one way love comes in different degrees, of course, from the temporary infatuation to the deeply felt, all consuming one way love-me-or-I'll-die unbridled passion (love obsession).
One way unrequited love just like falling in love, really, except it's not reciprocated. And as you may well be aware, falling in love can pretty much make you a peculiar brand of crazy.
So, in its more powerful aspects unrequited one way love (love obsession) will often cause temporary personality changes, affect the decisions you make, and have an impact on your emotional well being, your relationships and your social life in general.
Here are some important signs of unrequited one way love in the border land of love obsession:
Signs of One Way Love in the Border Land of Unrequited Love Obsession - no. 1:
Distraction and Fantasies
You have fantasies about the person who is the object of your affection. Maybe you even have obsessive thoughts. You dream of them and your life together, and find it hard to concentrate on other things than that person. It may even be to the point of it hindering your ability to do your job, or complete your daily tasks.In fact, your fantasy life may actually become more powerful and spiritual than your 'real life', causing you to sometimes confuse your daydreams with your reality.
In other words, your one way love makes you loose touch with reality.
Signs of One Way Love in the Border Land of Unrequited Love Obsession - no. 2:
Idealization of the Other Person
Unrequited love can cause you to romanticize or idealize a person's positive qualities to the extent that they become virtually flawless in your mind. You refuse to acknowledge their faults and exalt them so highly that you begin to believe no one else could ever compare. This person seems to you the ideal lover and you close your mind to other possibilities.In other words, your one way love makes you go blind to reality.
Signs of One Way Love in the Border Land of Unrequited Love Obsession - no. 3:
You Suffer from Mood fluctuations
You become like an emotional pendulum, swinging back and forth between joy and discouragement, depending on the responses you receive from the object of your desire.You will experience periods of happiness, or even euphoria, at any indication of reciprocation. Even a neutral behavior such as a simple smile or casual greeting will be cause for elation.
Unfortunately, you will quickly swing to the opposite extreme at any signs of disinterest or rejection. If they neglect to acknowledge your greeting or respond to your presence, you will fall into despair, even depressions or physical illness.
In other words, your one way love has completely made you lose your emotional balance - and on top of that you have given away your innate power to control that balance, and on top of THAT the person you have given the power to doesn't want it and may not even know he or she has it.
Signs of One Way Love in the Border Land of Unrequited Love Obsession - no. 4:
You Display Relentlessness
Although there are times when a perseverent attitude is beneficial, it becomes a problem when you refuse to take 'no' for an answer and will not accept the other person's decisions. You cannot control the feelings of another and you most certainly cannot make or force someone to love you.You will know this is a problem if you keep telling yourself that the object of your affection will surely change their mind if they just get to know you better, or if they would just give you one more chance to show how special a relationship with you could be. You might even go so far as to plan your day so you can run into this person 'by chance' or orchestrate 'coincidental' meetings.
In other words, your previously mentioned blindness to reality has taken over your actions, too.
Signs of One Way Love in the Border Land of Unrequited Love Obsession - no. 5:
Your Relationships Suffer, Deteriorate or Are Destroyed
Unrequited love can become so consuming that you begin to believe that the object of your desire is the only person of any value. Other relationships in your life become pointless and useless. Not only will you neglect other friendships, but you may also become withdrawn, preferring to escape to your fantasies rather than interact with people in your reality.In other words, your one way love has - to some degree - become socially destructive, or at least made you socially self-destructive.
Signs of One Way Love in the Border Land of Unrequited Love Obsession - no. 6:
You Suffer from Physical Symptoms: Physical Deterioration or Self-destruction
Not only can unrequited love rob you of your joy and make you feel hopeless, it can also result in many physical issues such as insomnia, listlessness, irritability, rashes, malnutrition and nausea. You may also experience frustration, anger, anxiety, depression, feelings of shyness, or fear of rejection. Some folks tend to trivialize the importance of mind and emotions over body, calling it 'merely psychosomatic' but really, this is extremely powerful stuff. All of these symptoms, and perhaps more like the, have a huge impact on your quality of life and prevent you from moving forward and becoming all you are meant to be - as well as being detrimental to your physical body.In other words, your one way love has - to some degree - made you physically self destruct.
Why Does One Way Love Happen?
Broken down to its basic components the core issues you have when you feel one way love or unrequited one way love are these:
You are searching for something outside of yourself to complete your sense of self.
In other words, you do not feel whole and then you mistakenly look outside of yourself for someone to make you whole. (Since you are already whole, but only think you're not, this does not work).
Also, you subconsciously choose to focus on someone whom you subconsciously know will not reciprocate your feelings, thus placing yourself in a situation where you get to be a 'helpless victim' and stay in your feeling of not being whole.
In other words, you don't feel your innate wholeness and you subconsciously want to keep on not feeling it. (This is based on misunderstandings which we will explore next).
There. That's it. Now you know what is REALLY going on. Next, let's look at some typical patterns.
Do You Have a Pattern of One Way Love?
As previously mentioned, most of us have experienced unrequited love to some degree, but sometimes it can become a pattern that indicates a much bigger or more basic issue.Have you ever asked yourself, e.g.:
- "Why am I always attracted to 'unavailable' people?"- "Why do I find myself a 'victim' of one way love over and over again?" - "What is stopping me from engaging in a balanced, healthy, reciprocal relationship?"
If you have asked these questions, or others like them, then maybe it is time for some self-exploration so you can change your perceptions and actions. Healthier possibilities are waiting for you just around the corner.
Unreciprocated relationships can occur for a number of reasons. Of course, it is possible that the other person simply does not share your feelings and there really isn't any deep reason or explanation. These things just happen. But, if you find that you have become obsessed to the point of dysfunction or that unrequited love is a recurring pattern in your life, you may want to look at this list and consider the possibility of its relevance to your life.
Seven Possible Reasons Why Unrequited One Way Love Happens
Reasons for Unrequited One Way Love - no. 1:
You Are
Attracted to Reminders of Your Very First Love
Some
experts claim that your very first love sets the foundation
for future relationships. If that first love was a parent who
was unable to meet your emotional or physical needs, or was
absent and disconnected, then you will continue to be
attracted to unavailable people, even in adulthood. Having
experienced unavailable parents may lead to a pattern of
pursuing unavailable lovers. Reasons for
Unrequited One Way Love - no. 2:
You Have Experienced an
Unmet or Twisted Love Need
You may have been raised
in a home where your parents did not give you the love and
affection you needed, or gave it conditionally based on
behavior or performance. As a result, you may still be
unconsciously trying to win this love by attempting to find
success in similar 'unavailable' relationships. Until you
'prove' you can earn love in this type of relationship, you do
not feel like you can move on to one that is mutually giving.
Reasons for Unrequited One Way Love - no. 3:
The "Hollywood Factor": Romance and Idealization
This is sometimes referred to as the "Hollywood factor" in
that you have created the perfect person of your dreams and
believe that you are saving all your love for this fantasy.
However, since this 'perfect person' does not exist, you
project this ideal onto the object of your affection and see
them as who you want them to be. In this way, an unrequited
relationship is safer and easier because getting to know
someone for who they really are may shatter your fantasy and
destroy your dreams. Reasons for Unrequited One
Way Love - no. 4:
You Suffer from Low Self Esteem / a Lack
of Self Worth
Maybe, deep down within yourself, you
do not believe that you are worthy of love. This may be an
attitude that was instilled in you in childhood or the result
of a previously damaging relationship. Because of this low
self-worth, you find yourself attracted to people whom you
know are not likely to return your feelings. Since you believe
that you don't deserve their love anyway, this is
disappointing and discouraging, but not surprising. You feel
trapped in a cycle of constantly pursuing relationships that
resemble the unfulfilling one you had with your parents or
other significant people in your life.
Reasons for
Unrequited One Way Love - no. 5:
You Harbor Fear of
Commitment and Intimacy
You may have commitment or
attachment issues associated with your childhood or previous
relationships, and by choosing someone who is unavailable or
who will not likely return your love, you are ensuring that
you will not have to face this fear. Relationships from afar
are a great avoidance technique.
Reasons for
Unrequited One Way Love - no. 6:
You Have Had Traumatic
Experiences
It is possible that you keep returning
to unreciprocated love relationships due to an experience that
had a negative effect on your self-esteem or made you feel
hesitant and unsafe receiving love. These situations could
vary depending on the person but would include such things as
a death, betrayal, or an abusive relationship.
Reasons for Unrequited One Way Love - no. 7:
You're Caught
Up in the Thrill of the Chase
Do you enjoy the
excitement of pursuing something you cannot have? For some
people, this is the incentive, and once they achieve their
goal, they no longer want what they were pursuing.In this
case, you will consistently be attracted to the prospect of
unrequited love and lose interest when, or if, this love is
ever returned. This is also a defense mechanism and may be an
indication that you have a fear of commitment or intimacy.Did any of those seven basic, underlying reasons seem to be true - or partly true - in your case? If so, then you are already on the path of healing, for the mere awareness of your problem and the underlying causes for it is liberating.
Did any of those seven basic, underlying reasons seem to be true - or partly true - in your case? If so, then you are already on the path of healing, for the mere awareness of your problem and the underlying causes for it is liberating.
Okay. So much for all that.
Next, you'll probably want to know what to actually DO to overcome your undesirable tendency to engage in unrequited love , right? Well, that's where my second article on unrequited love comes in: Click here
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