• Nearly everyone displays low self esteem signs, because ...
about everybody has self esteem problems and issues!
• (Even though they're
may not be aware of it)
• Here are 7 typical signs and symptoms of low
self esteem ...
• ... and 7 matching tips on overcoming low self esteem!
Surprise: We All have Low Self Esteem!
It may not seem like it, but just
about everyone has some sort of self esteem issues. Yep, they do! Even the folks
who appear not to because they brag or behave condescendingly. They just have a
self inflating ego
instead of a self deflating one.
deflating - either one means low self esteem!
Pretty much every person
alive today is insecure in one - or countless - ways. Usually, though, a person
only gets labelled as 'insecure' (self deflating ego) or 'arrogant' (self
inflating ego) or some such when they don't have an expedient way of dealing
with those issues of inferiority.
Low Self Esteem Can Be Hidden
For some people (particularly those with a self inflating ego) the insecurity
and low self esteem can be so deeply buried in their subconscious they're hardly
even aware it's there.
For others the subconscious insecurity and low
self esteem may seem so sneaking and insidious they not even sure it's there.
Yet others have lived with their deep insecurities for so long they actually
think life is supposed to be unpleasant like that. Well, it isn't!
we can all benefit from knowing what the typical low self esteem signs are. If
you like, you can take the
Quiz for Self Esteem
(it's basically a self esteem
questionnaire), or you can read on and get to know some of the signs and
symptoms of low self esteem.
Seven Common Low Self Esteem Signs
- and Seven Matching Self Esteem Building Activities
What follows are seven
common low self esteem signs - plus seven matching self esteem tips on what you
can do about your insecurities (self esteem building activities) - so that you
can start your process of overcoming low self esteem.
You Keep Secrets
- Because You Feel Unworthy,
Guilty and Shameful!
Have you got personal secrets? You know, those feelings,
thoughts, actions, etc. that nobody must know about, because you think that if
they did, they would hate or despise you forever?
Well, that's a clear
sign of low self esteem. Yup, secrets and low self esteem go hand in hand.
If you keep personal secrets, odds are that you secretly feel
wrong, weird, ugly, dumb, wrong, not good enough or something along those lines.
Because you feel so 'nasty' and 'awful' you also feel unworthy and guilty
and shameful (and vice versa) - which is why you keep secrets about yourself.
It's a closed loop, and a rather nasty one at that.
First off, this is
definitely not a nice way to feel. It actively ruins your experience of life.
And secondly, what if someone 'blows your cover'? What if? You're actually
making yourself a prime target for, say, a blackmailer - both emotional
blackmailers and monetary blackmailers.
Thirdly, and I'm happy to tell
you this: You're just plain wrong.
You may think that everybody has
secrets. You may think you NEED to have secrets. Those are both common beliefs.
They're also incorrect; and getting rid of them is one of many great
you can undertake.
The truth is you don't need
secrets. Let me use myself as an example.
Personally, I don't use
secrecy. Yep, that's right. I don't have any secrets.
The people I love
and trust, yea, even my coaching clients can ask me anything at all and always
get an honest answer.
This is the result of a simple decision I made many
years ago. I noticed that I am human, just like everybody else, and so I have
human weaknesses - just like everybody else. So what's the point of feeling
wrong, not good enough, guilty or ashamed and having secrets? I wondered.
There isn't any.
Consequently, I stopped doing that, plain and
simple. I consciously decided to stop having secrets.
It worked, too. It
was scary at first, but it turned out that the people who loved me kept on
loving me, and so it got easier and easier. If you want, you can do the same
Start small, if you like, and confide in one person whom you trust
implicitly, then move on from there. I promise you, it will make your life much
easier and more pleasant. And, as a fringe benefit, it'll improve your self
Jealousy is one of the completely reliable low self esteem signs, because your
subconscious belief in your own lack of self worth keep telling you that your
love partner is soon going to find someone better and more worthy than you.
Now, jealousy comes in all sorts of disguises, from totally
wanting to control your partner to feeling pangs of insecurity when your partner
is with a friend of the opposite sex (or: same sex for homosexuals). Any one of
those belongs with the typical low self esteem signs.
In fact there's a
simple correlation: the more jealous you feel the lower your self esteem is
(i.e. the more of an inferiority complex you have).Cure:
jealousy is very closely linked to overcoming low self esteem. Relatively soon,
right here on personaldevelopmentguy.com, there'll be a lot of self help for
jealousy, including several practical methods for overcoming jealousy. When you
visit here again, you can check out
What's New at personaldevelopmentguy.com.
For now, though, my suggestion is that you use the most basic of all
methods: Accepting your jealousy whenever it arises and breathing through it.
Sit somewhere - by yourself - and just notice your feelings of jealousy. Let
them out if you feel like it (for instance you may cry) and simply breathe
Don't do anything other than noticing your feelings,
accepting them, expressing them and breathe.
Do this every single time
the feelings of jealousy arise. This method takes time, so you have to be
persistent, but if you are, you WILL experience improvements. Plus, you won't
even have to bug your partner. :-)
You Avoid Eye Contact With Others!
Now, depending on where in the world
you are, your culture may dictate bigger or smaller of amounts of eye contact.
Relatively speaking the Western culture dictates a rather large amount of eye
So ... in the Western culture avoiding eye contact
(or not daring to sustain it as long as other people) is one of the low self
esteem signs - a sign of insecurity. If you act like that, other people may tend
to see you as vague and insecure or even evasive and untrustworthy.
Luckily, this is actually something you can train and improve consciously.
Start your training with someone you trust implicitly. It's
probably best if you tell them what you have got going so they can help you with
it, but you don't necessarily have to tell them.
Then, when you look this
person in the eyes, notice your own feelings. When you start feeling
uncomfortable and want to look down or away ... sustain your eye contact a
little longer whilst you count the seconds (inside your head or speaking them
When you feel you HAVE to break eye contact, just do it. But
remember how many seconds beyond your usual comfort zone you were able to
sustain eye contact.
As time goes by and you practice this, you'll notice
how you're able to sustain eye contact with the other person for longer periods
Not only does this make you SEEM more confident, it actually
MAKES you more confident. In the next paragraph about low self esteem signs (no.
4, keeping your head down low) I'll explain how it works.
You're Walking with Your Head Down Low!
walk (and stand), are you busy looking at your shoes (or at the ground/pavement
right in front of you)? Well, if so, that's another one of the signs of low self
esteem. In fact it belongs with the most classical of low self esteem signs - so
classical that you'll see it in cartoons and old movies.
body language is betraying your true feelings about yourself - and reinforcing
the negative beliefs!
Well, happily, just like the low self esteem sign
mentioned in the paragraph above (no. 3, avoiding eye contact), this is one of
the low self esteem signs which is easily reversible.
lift your chin up off of your chest, so to speak. Consciously choose to stand
and walk with your head held high. Not only will this make you SEEM more
confident, it will MAKE you more confident. Sound strange? It isn't.
is how it works:
Your body and your subconscious are both an integral
parts of the wholeness that is you and therefore anything you display with one
gets reflected in the other one.
The reason you're avoiding eye contact
and walking with your head down low is that you're subconsciously feeling
inferior (hence: it's one of the low self esteem signs). In effect your
subconscious is telling your body that you're unworthy.
So, when you
wilfully sustain eye contact and keep your head up high, you're sending a
message the other way, which works just as efficiently.
Your body is
telling your subconscious that you're NOT inferior or unworthy, but rather that
you believe in yourself and are worthy of respect. Your subconscious has no
choice but to believe this message.
See? It's easy. And it works!
You Don't Think You Deserve to Be
Is this you? When you look around and see happy people, you come up
with a million reasons why they should be happy and you don't deserve the same
kind of happiness. Well, then you've probably got self esteem issues, because
this is another one of the pretty classical low self esteem signs.
No matter what you feel, you do deserve to be happy. Just like
everybody else. And, in the big picture, there is absolutely no reason why you
But one of your problems when you've got self esteem issues
is that you're not looking at the big picture and you're not seeing things the
way they actually are (see the next of the low self esteem signs, no. 6, below).
So, then, this is a suggestion as to what you might do as a form of self
esteem self help ...Cure:
When you wake up, and as you go through
your day, keep saying to yourself, "I am worthy. I am good enough. I deserve
happiness, and I do NOT feel guilty for feeling happy."
This is one of
many positive affirmations you can create and say to yourself many times a day.
Do it several times a day (at least two times; that could be when you get
out of bed and into bed).
Do this for at least 21 days in a row (if you
miss a day you've got to start over!) and see how it affects your self esteem
and feelings of self respect.
21 days in a row is a rule of thumb for how
long it takes you to affect your subconscious with your positive affirmation.
Try it. This, too, works.
You're Have Little Trust
- and So You're Scared and Closed Off!
issues are extremely common - and extremely detrimental. Lack of trust and lack
of self esteem are directly linked - it's one of the low self esteem signs.
When you're afraid, you close yourself off from everything and
everyone (including yourself, your own intuition/soul). You contract, so to
speak, for fear of being hurt.
This has a lot of negative consequences.
It may make you anxious or depressed or both, and what's worse is - it's a self
You don't feel that you can trust yourself or
others, and so you behave in such a way that ultimately you'll prove yourself
Beliefs are like that. Whatever your belief is, unconsciously
you'll strive to prove it true. See how it's a lousy thing when your beliefs are
negative and untrusting?
One way forward is this: First notice
that it is so.
Secondly, accept it. Yes, accept this not-so-nice state of
affairs. You need the acceptance to move on. Just decide for yourself, 'Okay, I
have issues with trust and self esteem, that's all right because now I'm going
to do something about that.'
Thirdly, consciously start changing it. In
this case consciously start opening up and trusting yourself and other people.
You start, of course, with the people you love and trust the most - say, your
family and your love partner and/or your best friend.
your feelings and insecurities. Start confiding more in those people. Be as
honest as you can - and then some. Will yourself to open up. You'll notice
something interesting: they start to like and love you even more! Just keep
doing this until you're comfortable with it.
Then, when you dare, start
doing the same with people you trust a little less. Say, your second best friend
or your not-so-close friends. Repeat until comfortable with the openness.
Then, move on to people you know even less. Repeat.
In any case, this
is the truth: many other people are just like you. They have pretty much the
same fears and insecurities, and when you open up to someone, odds are they'll
welcome you with open arms because they feel (or have felt) exactly the same.
When that happens, you may exchange ideas and know-how and both benefit in
to Branch Out of Your Comfort Zone!
This is one of the very common low self
Oh, that comfort zone feel so nice doesn't it? You've may
even have grown so accustomed to things being the way they are that the mere
thought of changing your routine terrifies you. Ah, the comfort zone, safe and
The truth is, though, that your comfort zone is,
well, a kind B.S., because on the level of
nothing is ever actually
safe, while on the level of your
true identity / soul
(or: essence) everything
is always safe. Either way you look at it a comfort zone is unnecessary.
And always staying inside your perceived zone of comfort is not only a recipe
for stagnation, but also a weakening of yourself and your self esteem, because
hey, in this time and age things sure do change fast. Really, really fast.
And you, of course, will be ever more stressed out by those changes - in
addition to being untrained in dealing with them.
said, there's no reason to stress your ego out by totally dropping your comfort
zone right here and now. You can do it of course, but unless you've really going
to let go of a lot of your emotional and ego based baggage, you'll simply be
setting yourself up for a hard time.
An easier solution is taking it slow
and consciously branching out of that good old comfort zone of yours. Whether it
is something as simple as going to a new grocery store or regularly taking a new
way to and from work ... or something as significant as expanding your social
circle or looking for a new love,
it is a really good idea to vary your routine
and challenge yourself - a bit more every month (or even: week).
although it may feel uncomfortable in the beginning, the more you branch out,
the more comfortable you will become ... not only with new experiences, but with
This is actually a simple but efficient way of building your
Low Self Esteem Signs - The Conclusion
signs of low self esteem are just seven out of a very large number of possible
low self esteem symptoms.
Self esteem problems and issues underlie
countless other kinds of problems and issues, and viewed in that light
overcoming low self esteem can seem like a Herculean task.
my definition of self esteem is that it is a belief about your own worth. And
it's a deep rooted core belief at that. So, while a feeling, thought, habit or
superficial belief can be easy to change, break or let go of, a core belief is
usually more resilient.
However, since it IS in fact possible to improve
- or completely let go of (you don't actually need any beliefs at all) - every
single belief you hold, there is a very good chance that these and other tips on
how to improve your self esteem can work - provided you, too, do a bit of work.
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