Let People Learn Their Own Lessons!

by Petra G.
(Petra G., Köln (Cologne), Germany)

(Visitor's Self Improvement Ideas:)

Being helpful and having compassion is wonderful. Taking the worries of other people on your own shoulders not so much.

Let me give you an example: My little sister is always getting herself into trouble. Many different kinds of trouble. So, I worry about her too much. Not good for me! Also, it makes her angry. She says: "You are interfering in my life."

So, I discussed this with my boyfriend. Big surprise! He agrees. I am looking out for my sister, but he says it is much too much and I should leave her alone. At first this made me very angry, but now I see their point.

I am not my sister. She must learn her own lessons. Also, she must make her own mistakes. I cannot 'save' her. What I can do is be there always and help her IF SHE ASKS ME TO.

Already my relationship with her is better. She is not so angry anymore and is smiling more.

This is a big lesson for me! Maybe for you, too? Are you taking responsibility for someone who really must learn their own lessons?

Friendly Greetings,
Petra

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Me, too ... I am pushing too hard to protect my sister
by: Anonymous

Same here, I'm a guy though, but I too worry about my sister alot, over the normal.

She's the most wonderful girl ever and she tries not to show me that it bothers her, but lately it really annoys her. I think she is starting not to want to talk to me cuz I'm pushing too hard to protect her.

Any ideas?

Cuz we're really close and I don't want us to get far apart because of this ...

You Gotta Set Her Free!
by: Joey G.

Yeah, dude, you gotta set your sister free. Sort of let go of her like I read somewhere else on this site here, and let her be who she is.

She's her own gal, you know, she's not you and you're not her.

You love her, and that's why you have to let her go and be free. That's what love does, or one of the things it does, I guess, it sets people free.

No matter what you can't protect her from everything that can happen, anyway. So like Petra wrote you're BOTH better of if you let her be more herself. Good luck, dude! :-)

Exception to the rule
by: Anonymous

There's always a big exception to the rule:

Self-defense: the art of teaching a lasting lesson.

Most self-help mantras are 2-dimensional advice. "Sticks and stones" comes to mind. A lot of bad social conditioning. Got to think and for yourself!

Long Term question NEW
by: Enoch

I know my girlfriend needs to learn her own lessons, but I am always trying to giver her advice! The main thing I deal with is her habit of spending all her money at once. She spends it as soon as she gets it. Then after she complains for the next week and a half until she gets her next check how she has nothing. She just got alot more expenses to pay for and is still spending like this. I KNOW that I should let her learn, but I am worried if she does not change these habits it will effect our credit, or put us in the poor house if we got married. I tried to tell her that and she just gets angry, upset, annoyed, and distant. I try to tell her to listen, and she says she does then makes the same mistake. What do I do?

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