Relationship Break Up Advice

• Getting over a relationship and surviving a breakup can be tough.
• But getting over a break up and getting over your ex IS doable!

• Get relationship break up advice to deal with the break up pain.
• Plus 7 additional break up tips on how to survive a breakup

Letting Go of the Ex:
Real Strategies for Getting Over a Relationship

Getting over a relationship that consumed a large part of your life can be hard. In fact, it can be one of the most difficult parts of life.

If you and your ex were close and together for some time, maybe even a long time, you may physically remove yourself from the relationship and start functioning in an independent manner, but emotionally letting go of the ex is another issue altogether.

Unfortunately, you will have a hard time moving forward with your life and completely opening yourself to a new relationship until you have mastered the process of letting go of the ex. You could say your future life depends on your ability to let go.

The Split ... Between You and Your Ex - and Inside You

The first step in getting over a relationship is to accept the fact that it is over. Many people do not really accept this even as they move out of a house / apartment ... or come home to an empty house / apartment ... day after day.

They still cling to the hope that the relationship is just on the rocks and can be resurrected at some point. Don't let that be you!

Accepting the break up seems very easy - on the surface. But many people sure struggle with it, so perhaps it isn't. If you harbor hope, you have a problem. Getting over the ex requires you to completely let go of any and all hopes that you will get your ex back - ever - and move forward with a life view that no longer includes that person in a romantic and sexual role.

There is often a spilt here, between your logical and mental capabilities and your emotional ones. Your logic and intellect tell you with finality that the relationship is over, but your emotions just cannot seem to let go of the ex.

If you know for a fact that the break up is final and there is no possible way to bring the relationship back together, then emotionally letting go of the ex and moving on after a breakup starts by just ACCEPTING the fact that your ex is no longer yours.

Moving On After a Breakup: See the Ex or Not?

Often, when people offer advice for getting over a relationship they will tell you NOT to see your ex for a goodly period of time. In many cases this is sound advice, but there may be cases where it is just not possible - or desirable.

This is particularly true if you have children together. Also, there may be cases where surviving a breakup actually depends on you and your ex seeing each other and working things out between you - not with the purpose of getting back together, but with the purpose of getting clear and letting each other go.

In all these cases (and in fact in any other case as well), here is what both you and your ex need to do so you both get moving on after a breakup ...

Dealing With a Break Up:
How to Heal the Internal and the External Split

Emotional acceptance of a break up (and thus getting over a break up) has a lot to do with perceived NEEDS. This is important for surviving a breakup, so I will repeat that: You (and your ex, too, for that matter, but it starts with you) will benefit immensely from getting clear about your needs.

This is one of the most important parts of getting over a relationship. What you have to do is:

a) Figure out which needs you think your ex was fulfilling for you

and

b) Realize that you yourself can fulfill every single one of those perceived needs - you do NOT NEED your ex to fulfill your needs

Realize and accept these two things, and you will be ready to accept that the relationship is over.

Once you accept the split and start the work of getting over a break up, you will no longer think or act out of desperation and hurt feelings. You no longer NEED to, you see.

So get working on a list - a list of which needs you feel your ex was helping you get fulfilled.

Next, write down how YOU yourself can see to it that each of those needs is fulfilled.

This is a prime piece of relationship breakup advice. Surviving a breakup pretty much begins with that. It REALLY speeds up the process of getting over a relationship.

Acceptance: Your Life After a Break Up

Once you have accepted the break up you will behave differently than someone who has not accepted it. Your outlook on life will simply be different, you will feel more free and alive, and your ability to relate to your ex will be very much improved. Obviously, this is particularly important if you have children together.

Examples of effects: After realizing that you do not depend on your ex to fulfill your needs, you will feel little need to text your ex at all hours of the night to tell them how you feel. Thinking or hearing about what your ex is doing may still hurt, but it doesn't enrage you to the point you want to stalk them or cause you to enter a dark pit of despair and depression.

Putting the Relationship to Bed Is a Process - and It Takes Time

Emotionally letting go of the ex and getting over a relationship is a process that has to run its course. Time, of course, is a great healer. Know this and trust this! Things WILL get better as time goes by.

While time goes by, though, there is likely to be a lot of break up pain and sorrow to deal with. Even when you have completely accepted that the relationship is over.

You will most likely have mixed emotions and there might be quite a few hurdles to overcome as you gradually get a sense of normalcy back in your life. The question is how you work through these emotions so you can completely put the relationship to bed and move on with your life. Here are seven additional break up tips for getting over a relationship:

What Do You Really Miss?

One proven strategy for dealing with a break up and letting go of the ex, which is closely related to the above facts about perceived needs, is this:

Get honest with yourself about what you really miss. Name your grief! And write it down.

When you do, you may realize that in many cases, it is not the person that you miss the most but rather the things they did for you and with you and the way that made you feel.

You may be grieving for the good times you spent together because you know they will not occur again. Or, perhaps it is the family you built - or the idea of being a family - that you are really grieving.

Once you acknowledge what it is that you are really missing, you will start to see that you can have those things with someone else. All is not lost and your life is not over. This realization makes getting over a relationship much easier.

Do you really miss being cuddled at night? Good news! You will one day be cuddled at night, but it will be with someone else.

Do you really miss coming home and smelling dinner in the oven, almost ready for you to eat? Congratulations! This is something you could find someone else to do for you quite easily.

What is it you really miss? Is it the person or is it elements of the relationship? If it is elements of the relationship, rest assured you will find those things again. Getting over a relationship becomes much easier when you decide to trust that all will be okay again.

Learn and Practice Letting Go

Letting go is actually a skill. You can learn it.

Consider reading the following page, buying the ebook for download, and practicing the Let Go Method: Finding Inner Peace by Letting Go - 10 Steps to Happiness, Freedom, Love & More Using the Let Go Method.

This particular ebook will teach you how to use your unpleasant emotions as fuel in your movement towards getting clear emotionally - and feeling some much, much more pleasant emotions. This is also a prime piece of relationship break up advice!

Write, Journal! Use Your Diary or Your Personal Development Journal

Writing is therapeutic. It really is. So if you keep a diary, write in it. A lot! When you are getting over a relationship, writing about it speeds up the healing process

If you keep a personal development journal write in that one. Write down all your thoughts, feelings, needs, habits and beliefs. Note what they were, what they are today and what you want them to be in the future. It's good for you!

If you want to read more about the latter you can do that here: Personal Development Journal.

Talk to a Good and Patient Friend

This may seem self evident, because when you break up with your lover, you will most likely REALLY WANT TO TALK to someone. When you're getting over a relationship talking to someone is a basic and good thing to do.

But don't just talk to anyone and everyone all the time. Instead, here's a simple piece of relationship break up advice:

Find someone who will listen, just listen - without judging (neither you nor your ex) - and without trying to 'fix it'.

If we dive into the world of stereotypes for a moment, then women, in particular, seem to want to judge your ex (or even you), while men, in particular, seem to want to 'fix it' and once they realize you don't want 'fixing' they, too, might judge you.

So, do yourself the favor of: a) finding a friend or family member who is good at listening, and b) literally telling this person that you do not want judgment or 'fixing', but simply a quiet and sympathetic ear. For a long time. And then talk, talk, talk. Talk until you're fed up with your own voice. :-)

Seek Professional Counsel

The process of getting over a relationship can be speeded up considerably by enlisting some external, impartial and professional help. A good relationships counselor, therapist or life coach can most likely help you through the break up pain much faster than you could do it on your own.

This may be particularly important if you and your ex have been together for a long time and / or you have children together (since the children might suffer if you don't get clear about the break up).

Pamper Yourself
- Start Doing Good Things (Things You Love) for Yourself

A great way to get on top of the world again is doing nice things for yourself - things that you really like.

Maybe it's taking up a hobby or learning a new skill you have always wanted to try out. Maybe it's going to wellness treatments. Maybe it's taking a vacation away from it all. Or learning how to go on inner travels (exploring consciousness). Or simply being in nature more.

Whatever it is you really like and enjoy - go do it.

This serves at least two good purposes: It takes your mind of off getting over your ex and it affirms to yourself that you are worthy of positive attention. Because you ARE loveable, you know!

Smash the Timer

How long does getting over a relationship take? How much time do you need dealing with a break up?

The annoying answer is: As long as it takes.

The click click click of a timer will drive you nuts while trying to let go of your relationship. It may have only taken your best friend two weeks to hit the sack with someone new when he or she went through a break up, but that doesn't mean it is going to be that fast for you.

In fact, that friend may have hit the sheets with someone new long before they had actually gotten over their break up.

Many people do that, even if they act like they are completely over it. It is so common, actually, that there is a name for it: rebound relationship. That's when you get sexually involved (and perhaps emotionally, too) in someone with the primary purpose of getting over a relationship or getting over your ex.

For some this works, for others not so much.

In any case a good piece of relationship break up advice is to completely smash the timer to pieces, so to speak, and give yourself room to grieve and move on whenever YOU are ready.

You WILL get over your pain and start letting go of the ex when it is right for you. But no one and nothing can make it happen before you are ready, so please give yourself time.

External links to awesome websites / really cool websites with pages relevant to this self improvement article / personal development page:

Close / sexual relationship described on wikipedia.org: Intimate relationship - the article has further links to e.g. friendships, dating relationships, spiritual relationships, and marital relationships; and the break up phase of such a relationship is described atwikipedia.org: Intimate relationship break up, which seems to be more or less copied from here (or vice versa) ... thefreedictionary.com: Relationship breakup

A scientific approach to relationship breakup at encyclopedia.com: Relationship Dissolution

Another, somewhat scientific approach to the break up process at reference.com: Relationship Dissolution

A short somewhat helpful article describing the very first interaction during a break up at wisegeek.com: Let Someone Down Easy

A silly and humorous take on relationship break up at Uncyclopedia - the content free encyclopedia: Uncyclopedia: break up

3 definitions of break up, one of them tasteless and funny ("Break up: The most probable outcome after your girlfriend finds you playing hide the sausage with her sister" at urbandictionary.com: break up

 

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