• A unique empowerment theory by the Personal Development
• Learn how letting go (the adage 'Let go let god') empowers
• See how to
control your emotions, the seven human needs, etc.
• Discover how to be yourself and how to find inner peace
• Get empowering modern holistic wisdom of non duality:
• Learn to see yourself, other people and life itself as a unified
• It's all experience based - and it really works in
• Want to jump directly to the description of the theory?
Then you can click here: Hardcore
One of a Kind - for YOU
On this page you’ll find something absolutely
unique: my own personal empowerment theory.
After my life changing
experiences (you can read a bit about those on the page
About the Personal Development Guy
) it took me seven years to develop the basics of this theory,
and in recent years I’ve been refining it and developing it further.
entire website (thePersonalDevelopmentGuy.com) is built upon that empowerment
Not all that surprisingly ...The purpose of my
empowerment theory is to empower you - to give you an experience of increased
power over your life.
Not just a sense of empowerment - an actual
experience of being empowered.
If you want it and are ready to play
along, that is. :-)
What This Empowerment Theory Can Do for You
I want you to have the best time possible here on planet Earth,
and the way I can do that is to help you in three areas:
Because something turns you on & you want
more of it
Because something is
turning you off & you want to fix it
Because you want to know or understand something/everything
Those are the same three areas that thePersonalDevelopmentGuy.com as
a whole is designed to help you with. The website in general is
where you’ll find help in specific areas (e.g.
relationship problem advice
This page, on the other
hand, is where I collect it all and put forward a coherent
empowerment theory. That will make the focus slant somewhat towards
the ‘Insight’ end of the scale, but knowledge is power – or at least
knowledge applied is.
What's This Empowerment Theory About?
The empowerment theory I'm presenting you with here sits on
the cutting edge of personal development, psychology,
philosophy and spirituality.
also builds a bridge between the (current) ego-focused
psychology of the West and the millennia old spiritual
traditions of the East. So far, in the West, only
transpersonal psychology has done this, although apparently
also theoretical physics (quantum mechanics) is starting to do
so, too. Maybe it's all coming together now. Wouldn't that be
This empowerment theory accepts all religions but is
in itself totally non-religious. (I guess you could call it a
kind of philosophy, though).
Simplifying Existing Theories
Compared to other
empowerment theories this one is both simpler and more
comprehensive. It just might be more powerful, too.
expansion comes in the form of a philosophical level to the
theory. In order for an empowerment theory to really work in
practice this level is absolutely crucial because it puts
everything in its proper perspective.
This empowerment theory is based on
experience. My experience, the experiences of the people I
have helped and first and foremost: Your experience!
you actually experience this philosophical level of this
theory, it empowers you in a way that nothing else will.
Compared to Other Empowerment Theories
want to compare this empowerment theory to other empowerment
theories in general, there's a paragraph towards the end of
this page you can read. Just click here to read the
Empowerment Theory Comparison
. Otherwise, please just read on.
Empowerment Theory: What’s Important?
The most important criterion for any theory is this: Does it work?
First, give it a fair chance. Try it. If it doesn’t work for you,
drop it. Let it go. That goes for any theory, this empowerment
This empowerment theory has helped me and
many other people seize control of our life experience, solve
problems and create a much better life.
My customers have
told me that what I teach (and the way I coach) works better and
faster than the alternatives that they have tried. And what I do is
based on what is described here.
This empowerment theory works.
Please, Cut Yourself Some
Now, I spent many years learning to verbalize my new understanding,
my new perspective and relating it to psychology, philosophy,
personal development and spirituality.
This means that if I give
my empowerment theory to you straight it may not be all that easy to
understand. So cut yourself some slack. Or, a lot of slack.
What matters isn't so much that you understand the totality of the
empowerment theory, but rather that you relate to the specific
implications that are important to YOU (like for instance the
implications for your self esteem, work, relationships, love life
and sex life). That's what the buttons on the upper left side of
every page on this website are for. (And, more buttons are on the
This page, it's for the sake of the overview
(More links and sub-pages will be added to it later).
Ready? Get Set ...
Enough small talk. Now, I am actually going to give it to you
straight. Just the highlights, mind you, the primary parts, not all
of it and not all the implications (again, use the buttons on the
upper left side for those).
This is a theory which means: a) it
isn't the absolute truth, b) it isn't an exhaustive description of
the things it deals with and c) it is somewhat theoretical.
The 'theoretical' bit (c) means that most people will not find it an
easy read. It is an empowering read, though! Also, it's interesting,
because it's a unique coherent empowerment theory
(As far as I know nobody, as of this moment, has proposed anything
This text is written in 2010. If I am right about
the content of this empowerment theory, and to a very large extent I
am sure that I am, I do believe that within the next decades most of
these things will become common knowledge.
Remember, you read
them on thePersonalDevelopmentGuy.com first.
Okay. The very, very short
version of my empowerment theory is this ...
Primary Job in Life Is to Experience
At the most
comprehensive (or philosophical) level your primary job in life is
All experiences are equally valid (though chances
are, you prefer some kinds to other kinds).
Choose Your Experiences by Using Your Free Will
(and most powerful) tool with which you navigate in your experience
is your FREE WILL to make CHOICES.
When it comes to your
experience nothing (and I mean nothing!) is more powerful than your
ability to choose. Whatever your life circumstances it is your
choice (and your choice only) how you experience them.
your free will you can create any experience you want. This is the
idea behind the concept of SELF RESPONSIBILITY.
there are two opposing ways you can use your free will: Based on
FEAR (AVOIDING) or based on LOVE (ATTAINING).
The type of
focus you have will determine the type of experience you get.
Needles to say, the experience based on fear is less pleasant than
the one based on love.
If you experience very little control
of your life experience (e.g. you feel like a victim) that's because
- at an unconscious level - you choose to do so. The moment you make
a different decision (e.g. you stop thinking, feeling and behaving
like a victim) your experience starts to change.
Most Empowering Choice is
Any choice you make
using your free will is valid; however, the most powerful and
empowering choice you can make is LETTING GO. We'll get back to that
By Choosing You Create, Learn and Grow
Three important functions of living, experiencing and choosing are
CREATING, LEARNING and GROWING. You do these things in every way
possible - consciously or unconsciously.
Creating - Your
Experience at Your Fingertips
Obviously the most important
thing you create is your experience, but you can choose to create
anything you want. You can create discord, conflict and destruction
or peace, harmony, art and things that grow and blossom. It's all up
Personal development, self improvement and spirituality
are actually attempts to create a better life experience for
yourself - and done right they work, too.
Living Smarter, Not Harder
For each choice you make with your
free will you will experience consequences. (Not choosing is a
choice, too). This is your primary way of learning in life (trial
Of course, since you can create any experience you
want for yourself, you may - if you prefer - actually create a
situation where you do not learn, or at least learn very little. As
you have probably noticed some people do this (often by using
beliefs, which we will get back to shortly).
Getting to Feel Bigger & Better
As you live, experience,
create and learn you grow in every way; physically, mentally,
emotionally and so on. Concepts like personal growth, spiritual
growth, personal development, self realization and self
actualization are more or less aimed at this.
Everyday Tools of Creation: Meant for Fun, But Apparently Turned
Your everyday tools of creation are your
THOUGHTS, FELINGS/EMOTIONS, ACTIONS/HABITS and NEEDS. You have total
control over each of these elements. Isn't that your experience? :-)
Of course it isn't. Most people do not experience their control over
their thoughts, feelings, actions and needs because they exercise
their control on an unconscious level.
If you engage in
consciousness raising (perhaps even 'inducing consciousness') and
attain higher levels of consciousness and awareness in your everyday
life, you start gaining conscious control of your thoughts, feelings,
actions/habits and needs.
Also, there are specific tools you
can use for taking control of each element (tool of creation).
For example: You can use positive thinking, affirmations, The
Work by Byron Katie and my own the Let Go Method to gain control of
On this website I present you with tools for
each of those tools of creation.
Your Thoughts - the Big
'What If?' Generator
Almost everyone knows the experience of
thinking. You use your thoughts to consider things. More than
anything else, your thinking mind is a 'scenario generator'.
do you know how control it, and even more importantly: turn it off?
If you don't, you really need to. Learning to control your
thoughts using your free will is empowering. Learning to switch of
your thinking mind entirely at will is even more empowering.
Your Feelings- the Apparent Enigma of Emotions
everyone also knows the experience of feeling, having emotions.
Sometimes you get scared, or upset, or confused, or sad, or angry,
right? Other times you feel at peace, or empowered, or happy, or
loving, right? Well, those are feelings.
To most people feelings
are an enigma. They don't 'understand' their feelings.
thing is there isn't much to understand. Feelings/emotions are
supposed to be a) experienced and b) used as pointers - and that's
Knowing this and being able to use it in practice is
Your Actions/Habits - Do What You Are,
Don't Be What You Do
Your actions are the things you choose
Most of your actions are performed with your physical body,
but actions may also be taken with (for example) your mind and your
Your actions will be based on your thoughts,
feelings, needs and beliefs and just like those elements your
actions are controlled by your free will.
If you perform an
action (or a series of actions) often, it may move from your
conscious control and into your unconscious control and become a
habit - or even an addiction.
For some people action (and say,
procrastination) and habits/addictions are big issues and learning
to deal with them is, of course, empowering.
- A Human's Gotta Do What a Human's Gotta Do?
You have many
needs, we all do. In fact the number of perceived needs of mankind
is almost unlimited. Some needs, however, are more general and basic
The American psychologist
breaking work in the area of human needs. Broadly speaking Maslows
hierarchy of needs is the foundation for the way we consider needs
Originally Maslow formulated five basic human needs,
placed in a hierarchy, (like a pyramid, the 'Maslow Pyramid of Needs')
with the most basic ones at the bottom and the most 'advanced' one
at the top. Later he (and others) differentiated the one need at the
top (self-actualization) into four needs, making it eight needs in
Starting from the bottom of the pyramid, Maslow's
hierarchy of needs (final version) are: physiological needs, safety
needs, love/belonging needs, esteem needs and self actualization
needs, cognitive needs, aesthetic needs and the need for
self-transcendence (at the top of the 'Maslow Pyramid'). I'm
preparing a page on Maslow's hierarchy of needs [LINK].
Paying homage to Maslow I have formulated my own theory about seven
human needs which are the basic motivators of most people.
The seven basic human needs I work with are polarized, meaning that
for each 'positive' need there is an opposite and 'negative' need
which may motivate people.
The Personal Development
Guy's 7 Polarized Basic Human Needs:
1. Physical survival &
reproduction/sex - vs. - death instinct & abstinence
comfort & predictability - vs. - unpredictability & challenge
Control, responsibility & freedom - vs. - no control, no
4. Recognition & a feeling of belonging - vs. -
disapproval & individuality
5. Giving and contributing - vs. -
receiving / getting
6. Development & full use of abilities - vs.
- status quo & self limitation
7. Unity, wholeness & being your
soul identity - vs. - separation & ego
You can let go of every
one of those seven human needs. Letting go of a need is in fact the
most empowering way of dealing with it.
Many people find the
thought of letting go of needs strange and confusing, but I assure
you: it works in practice. It works really, really well.
I have written a very long and in-depth
self improvement article on our basic human needs. The main point is
that while our perceived needs are indeed the most potent motivators
in our lives, we do not have to let ourselves be controlled blindly
Most of all, it is the FEAR of not having our needs met,
that leads us to do stupid, unnecessary things. And, as you may be
aware FEAR is not even real. It is just a concoction of our mind -
and a damaging one at that.
Read more about our basic human
needs in the personal development article
The Hierarchy of Needs.
Your thoughts, feelings, actions/habits
and needs create a coherent web inside of your BELIEFS (including
your belief about who you are, your relative identity). In fact you
use thoughts, feelings, actions/habits and needs to CREATE BELIEFS.
Your beliefs are a collection of what-you-have-decided-is-true.
Your beliefs are like the frame of a painting ... or the cage a bird
sits in. Most of your experience takes place WITHIN the frame (or
the self created cage) and generally speaking you will ignore or
explain away experiences that fall outside the frame/cage of your
In actuality you don't need any beliefs at all, but
most people have many, many beliefs. These beliefs range from the
deep seated core beliefs (which are very resistant to change) to
very superficial beliefs (that people may change at a moment's
In personal development, self improvement and
spirituality beliefs are one of the most potent things you can work
with. Read more here about
the Power of Belief
speaking the more beliefs a person holds, the less free she or he is
- a person with many beliefs is a person who is very caged in, so to
Dropping or letting go of a belief frees the person to
experience absolute reality in that area, which is a vital part of
this empowerment theory, but we'll get back to that in a moment.
All your beliefs
taken together form a coherent web of PERSONAL, RELATIVE REALITY,
which is likely to be the basis of your life experience.
Your have created your personal, relative reality using your beliefs
as the primary building blocks, and this defines the limits of your
There are almost as many personal realities as
there are people on Earth. They are all equally valid. (Or, if you
prefer (which I don't): equally invalid).
development, self improvement and spirituality you actively work at
changing your personal, relative reality - or even completely
letting go of it.
In this empowerment theory letting go of
your relative reality is the most empowering thing you can do. Read
more here about your own, You
Perception Is Reality: You Create a Relative Reality
- Is It Good for You?
In a word: No.
That, of course, is an unnuanced answer, and not entirely
true, as we shall see, but it is more true than not.
are interested in personal development, spiritual growth, happiness,
inner peace, love, wonder and freedom, odds are that you will want
to distance yourself quite a bit from the common world view of your
What is reality?
You know what reality is, right?
Sure! You experience it every day. Right?
Well, odds are that you are
both right and wrong. There are several kinds of reality, you see. And if you
are interested in personal development, self improvement, spiritual growth,
lasting happiness, love, freedom and inner peace that is a pretty important
No, scratch that, it is an all important fact! So, please read on,
and we'll uncover reality together.
As I mentioned
above any choice you make is valid, but the most powerful choice you
can make is
You can let go of anything you feel
attached to and it will improve your experience of it (and of
anything connected to it).
One might call this 'let go and
let life' (sometimes called 'let go let god') - a choice which (probably
contrary to your expectation) actually frees, enhances and empowers
your free will.
In this empowerment theory the fourth
powerful things to let go of are thoughts, feelings and
most powerful thing to let go of is
most powerful thing to let go of is beliefs.
And the most
powerful thing to let go of is your entire
collection of beliefs, i.e. you personal, relative reality. This
leads to one version of spiritual enlightenment. Not many people do
The biggest obstacle to letting go is fear. The more
powerful the letting go is, the more fear you have to overcome (or:
go through) in order to do it. Happily 'a letting go' can be
temporary as well as permanent, giving people the (less scary)
chance to 'try it out'.
Your personal, relative
reality exists inside ABSOLUTE REALITY. As mentioned, most other
people also create their own personal, relative reality. All of
those personal realities exist inside
most of us experience our own, personal reality most of the time,
absolute reality certainly CAN be experienced, both temporarily and
permanently. Most (if not all) people have actually tried it. You,
too, in all likelihood. Chances are you just didn't realize that
absolute reality was what you experienced.
Absolute reality is NOT to be confused with Consensus Reality which
is a totally different 'animal' altogether.
merely an aggregated version of people's relative realities, usually
based on the lowest common denominator. Consensus reality is simply
an example of social construction of reality).
have experienced absolute reality in flashes or for brief periods of
time, either in nature (e.g. watching a sunrise), while doing sports
(skiing, for instance), while performing their art or craft, during
birth or with their children and other loved ones (including during
sex) or for no apparent reason.
A typical statement that
indicates the experience of absolute reality is this:
just for a moment, I got all quiet and peaceful inside, everything
made total sense and I just knew that everything is all right just
the way it is. I can't explain it."
Remembering times like
that and experiencing absolute reality (even if only for a moment)
is vital if you want to apply this empowerment theory to your life
in practice. Absolute reality is something you really need to
Experiencing absolute reality feels like coming
Home (with a capital 'h') to unconditional love, spaciousness, (ecstatic)
joy, silence and deep inner peace. It feels like that because it IS
like that. Unconditional love, spaciousness, etc. are the hallmarks
of absolute reality.
Absolute reality is easy to understand
once you experience it, but hard to explain to stressed out people
living in personal, relative reality.
We are so used to
thinking in terms of opposites (e.g. big vs. small; good vs. evil;
right vs. wrong, etc.), but absolute reality contains all opposites.
That includes, for example, all beliefs.
Absolute reality is
that-which-is. It is the truth of things, the absolute truth. It is
life as a whole - the way it really is.
According to this
empowerment theory you can live in absolute reality in one or more
areas of life and not in others. (That's what I myself do). This is
what happens if you let go and get completely clear in one area of
your life (love, for instance) ... if you let go of all attachments
and beliefs and simply experience that-which-is.
If you live
completely (one hundred percent) in absolute reality you see all
things the way they really are and chances are that other people
will call you spiritually enlightened. (This is what I call one
version of spiritual enlightenment, above). If you wish, you can
read more here about
- from the Tiny You to the Gigantic You
You as an entity exist on many different levels; three of the
most important ones being the level of EGO & BODY, the level of your
SOUL and level of LIFE ITSELF.
You, as Ego and Body - the
This is how most people think of themselves most of
the time: As a body and an ego.
Now, please don't confuse my use
of the word 'ego
' with, say,
's use of the word. Rather,
I use the word in the same way modern day spiritual teachers (say,
is mechanical in
nature, a fear based psychological coping mechanism primarily
focused on physical survival. I sometimes refer to the ego as your
small or limited or relative personality.
workings of your ego is empowering, and the best tool I know for
getting to know your ego is
Your free will, of
course, supersedes your ego at all times.
The body I view as
a wonderful experiencing tool, rather like an extremely advanced,
self sustaining space suit. It, too, is the subject of your free
You, as Soul - the Bigger You
people will balk at the word 'soul' because it has been used and
abused so much through the ages. If you are one of those people, you
can replace it, with 'your big personality' or 'your less relative
personality'. I also call it Home (with a capital 'h'). But it
doesn't matter what you call it.
Whether or not you like the word
soul, the fact remains that you have such a 'bigger, less relative
personality'. I have experienced this myself and helped other many
other people experience it, too.
This 'big personality'
permeates your body, your mind and your ego, and extends beyond. In
fact, in terms of size, your body and ego exist inside of your soul.
Note: This also means the common idea that your soul is some
small spark inside your heart (or elsewhere) is a total
misconception. (By the way, it also means that the term 'sell your
' is a joke).
The reason why many people have difficulty
with the concept of soul (or: the big personality) is that they
don't get in conscious contact with this part of themselves. Since
we all exist inside of our soul we are in total, constant (albeit
usually unconscious) contact with it at all times.
the soul is based on the same things as absolute reality (life
itself), i.e. unconditional love, spaciousness, (ecstatic) joy,
silence and deep inner peace, the soul doesn't really 'interrupt' or
'meddle' in our lives.
(Incidentally EVERY part of life is
based on those characteristics, including you and every part of you
- more about that some other time).
There are several well
known ways to consciously contact your soul, including countless
kinds of inner journeys, meditation, yoga and my own the
Basically the way to go is relaxing and silencing
your thoughts, feelings, needs and suspending your beliefs.
You, as Life Itself - the Really Big You
When you have
experienced your soul in practice you'll tend to ask: What could
possibly be bigger than this? The answer is: life itself - or, more
precisely - you, as life itself.
Imagine being every living and
inanimate thing in existence, every atom, every subatomic particle
in the universe. Now, THAT'S big!
You can't imagine it, of
course, because our rational brains can't really process it. But you
CAN experience it. I know, because I have experienced it.
course saying that 'I' have experienced it is kind of a
contradiction in terms, because in order to experience it every
trace of a personality (including the big personality of the soul)
has to be merged into life itself (essentially dissolved).
When that happens who is there to experience it? Nobody. There is
literally no identity left, and therefore no one to experience. Yet,
the experience still takes place.
Talking about this
particular experience is a bit of a brain tickler. One other thing
that I can say about that experience is: BOY, does it feel good! :
The joy of total oneness is by far, far FAR the most
intense joy 'I' have ever experienced.
- You, the Jigsaw Puzzle
Looking at you
in a different light, more like a jigsaw puzzle, there are,
generally speaking, three experiential levels of existence:
SMALLER PARTS that make up you
(E.g. your feelings, thoughts,
your ego or your cells)
- The EVERYDAY YOU
identity; what you think of as 'I' or 'me')
- The BIGGER
THINGS YOU ARE A PART OF
(E.g. your soul, humanity, the Earth and
All these levels are interwoven; in fact they
are so closely knit together that cannot possibly be separated,
because YOU ARE INSIDE LIFE AND LIFE IS INSIDE YOU. Therefore:
You, other people & things and indeed all of life are A UNIFIED
An Empowerment Theory of Non Duality? Yep!
Over the centuries Western philosophy and religion have evolved
into duality, meaning that they, perhaps unknowingly, stress
differences and separation between philosophies, between religions,
between people, and between the individual and that which is bigger.
In practice this means that we use our minds to think thoughts like
'I am here and life is over there'. Or, in the case of religion, 'I
am here and god is up there.' Or, in the case of psychology, 'I am
here and you are over there.' There's a split. A duality.
problem with duality, apart from the fact that is plain incorrect,
is that it's awfully lonely. When we think like that we become
islands, lost in a huge sea. Which, in fact, we're not.
empowerment theory that I present heals that duality. As such it is
an empowerment theory of non duality. There is no split. We are all
connected. We are all connected with each other and we are all
connected with life.
In fact there is no way we can avoid
being connected. We can ignore the connection, pretend it's not
there, which we have done for centuries, but - happily - we can't
make it go away. And being connected is SO much more powerful than
pretending not to be.
(Note: In the East there are several
old philosophies of
- 'advaita vedanta
an example from (Vedantic) Hinduism and both
are basically based on non duality).
Let me just repeat what is perhaps the most
important point of this empowerment theory:
You are inside life
and life is inside you. Therefore you, other people & things and
indeed all of life are a unified whole!
implication of this wholeness is that all is as it should be. You
are whole and as you should be. The same goes for other people and
Sure, your personal experience probably differs
from these statements. The point is, though, that it doesn't have
You have the power to experience wholeness, total
If you are interested in self help, self
improvement, personal development and spirituality, chances are that
this is a big part of what you have been searching for.
way to figure out whether this is true or not is to apply my
empowerment theory in practice. To do that please use the links on
this page and the buttons on the upper left side of the page.
order to put things in perspective I'll (very) briefly relate my
empowerment theory to other empowerment theories in general.
What Is Empowerment?
A general definition of empowerment
Empowerment is a process by which individuals and groups
gain power over their own lives, the power to act and the necessary
resources so as to enable them to reach their highest personal and
collective goals and aspirations.
Generally speaking empowerment theories focus on three levels:
the personal level (intrapersonal, i.e. inside you)
social or group level (interpersonal, i.e. you in relationship to
3) the political level (i.e. you in relationship
... with the personal level being the most
important one, since it's the foundation of the other two.
The empowerment theory I present here is much the same, except it
both expands AND simplifies matters by focusing primarily on two
1) the personal level (intrapersonal, i.e. inside you)
4) the philosophical level (i.e. you in relationship to all of
The above mentioned social/group level (2) and
political level (3) are merely seen as extensions of the personal
level (1). Or, to put it differently: Chances are, that if you get
it right on level 1) and 4) you'll get it right on levels 2) and 3),
The primary ways in which both 'traditional'
empowerment theory and this empowerment theory propose to empower
you is by:
- increasing your consciousness (about yourself,
others and life)
- helping you assume personal responsibility
- developing your skill set (your ability to handle yourself and
The above three things will help you:
- build up
your self-efficacy (i.e. personal power to create)
your self appreciation
- decrease your self depreciation (self-blame)
- increase your appreciation of others and life in general
decrease your blaming of others and life in general
- get a
better life experience
- empower you to help others get a better
- help you live a more ecologically balanced
life in general
... among other things.
importantly my empowerment theory is aimed directly at you as a
person. It provides YOU with both the theoretical understanding and
the practical tools to create your own life experience.
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- Parenting advice for the conscious, open-minded parent!
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Empowerment Theory by The Personal Development Guy
Jump up to the point on this page where you find
the description of the theory: Hardcore
You might also like to read something
related to this empowerment theory at the page Letting
, or at the page Personal
, or at the page the
Meaning of Life
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Blog: Self Improvement Ideas
List of all the subpages to the main page
Hierachy of Needs
Power of Belief
Perception is Reality
Construction of Reality
, What is Forgiveness?
How to Forgive
Learning to Forgive.
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